


The Whore Next Door

by BabyStylins0n, SugaDaddy97



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Because we planned this before he cut it, Bottom Louis, Daddy Harry, Daddy Kink, Denial, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Feminine Louis, Friends With Benefits, Gay Sex, Happy Ending, Harry Has Long Hair, Harry sleeps around a lot, He gets better, Intoxication, Kid Fic, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Lots of Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Neighbours, Oral Sex, Patricia is a twat, Pining, Pining Harry, Recreational Drugs, Riding, Rimming, Rough Sex, Sad Harry, Self-Hatred, Shotgunning, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slut Shaming, Smut, Teasing, Top Harry, Under-negotiated Kink, Zayn is a twat, but we have a plan, harry is a man whore, larry stylinson - Freeform, louis has a kid, self deprecation, ziam, zouis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:30:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 70,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6842851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyStylins0n/pseuds/BabyStylins0n, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugaDaddy97/pseuds/SugaDaddy97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Harry is a fuckboy, and Louis is a concerned father who moves in across the hall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We're back with another joint fic to hit you in the feels and we're painfully excited for you to read this!  
> Once again the chapters are split into two POVs, with myself (LittleMissAshIrwin) as Harry and BabyStylins0n as Louis :) 
> 
> Enjoy!

** Chapter One **

 

**Louis’ POV**

"Come on, bug. Give me something!" 

I huffed as I failed to get even a shrug out of the girl in my arms; her tiny fingers wound into the fabric of my sweater as we stood outside of the apartment block. It was a tall quite modern building and I'd even managed to snag one of the higher up floors for us - knowing that, even though seeing her on the balcony would sent me into protective father mode, she would love being that high up. There were large windows out looking the city and it was the best one for the price I could afford with a teaching career and a 2 and a half-year-old to take care of. 

She'd been silent ever since I'd put her in the car and it was scaring me. She was never this quiet. The last time she'd been this quiet was when my grandad died. I paused for a moment before trying to bounce her into saying something but alas she remained quiet - burying her face into my chest. 

 A defeated sigh left my lips and I slipped inside and straight into the elevator, managing to get her to press the button for floor 10. I'd agreed with the estate agent that she would leave the flat open so I could visit with Rowan and not be disturbed - she was more than keen because, for some reason that she avoided telling me, she was struggling to sell the flat. I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead as I bounced her slowly, trying to get her to smile but she seemed so dejected. I'd been living with Mum since she was born, I couldn't afford to live in my own place and Rowan didn't want to move - she didn't know anything different and she was  _obsessed_ with my Mum and was definitely going to miss being around Doris and Ernest as they were all about the same age. But I was nothing but determined to find a place she'd love.

"Ro, it's going to be okay... I have a surprise for you." I hummed, nuzzling my nose into her soft chestnut hair, twirling her tiny pigtails around my fingers gently.

"Wha?" She squeaked, looking up at me - bright blue eyes twinkling with curiosity, and her little nose scrunching up. 

"You'll have to wait and see."

She huffed and punched my chest weakly, making me chuckle a little as we walked out of the lift. I hadn't brought her to any of the apartments until now, but I wanted to make sure we'd found the  _right_ one. I wanted nothing but the best for my baby girl, and I was certain this was the one. It was certainly child friendly and despite there only being 4 rooms in the flat it seemed so perfect. 

"Ready?" I asked, earning a quick nod, before pushing the door open to reveal the big open plan room. 

Her mouth opened wide as she looked around, thankfully seeming pretty impressed with it all. The first room was a living room/kitchen kind of space with a soft blue and white colour scheme to it (which matched her outfit - weirdly). There wasn't a dining room but the breakfast bar was the perfect height for her high chair to slide right in. 

"Daddy, what surprise?" She yipped, a massive smile gracing her cheeks, her quiet mood seeming to completely fade away. 

I walked further into the flat and pushed open the door closest to the living room open to reveal a cute little bedroom that had yet to be decorated but had a small bed pushed into the corner of the room with guards along the sides.

"You get your own room!" I grinned. 

She squealed and squirmed in my arms, prompting me to put her down so she could run in and jump on the bed. Her soft giggles filling the room. As she took in her surroundings I couldn't help but feel a little at how big she was getting; she was almost 2 and a half years old was getting so independent. I could remember when I first laid eyes on her, how tiny she was. 

 

_"You're sure you want her? I can always put her up for adoption..."_

_My eyes flickered up from the baby in my arms to the girl on the hospital bed who was fiddling with her manicured fingers. The girl made it very clear that she didn't want to keep the baby from the start... But abortion wasn't an option for her. So I stepped in. I couldn't give my own daughter up as easy as that - she may be my only chance to have a child that's actually **mine.** Once I'd explained the situation to Georgia she'd been fully supportive of me and I was the same for her and now we were to go our separate ways._

_"I've never been more sure of something in my life, if you ever-"_

_"I won't ever."_

 

"Daddy!" She squealed, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Want this one! We get this one?!"

"You like it, my little rose?" I beamed, scooping her up into my arms, tucking my arms under her baby blue legging clad legs. I ran my fingers through her soft fringe before looking down at her happy little face.

"Yes daddy! Want this one!"

"Then this one it is."

I sent a quick call out to Patricia, confirming that I wanted to buy the apartment and she was thrilled - telling me she'd be over shortly. I settled Rowan down on the floor with a colouring book as we went through all of the nitty-gritty of buying the apartment... But I still didn't know what the catch to this place was. It was so  _cheap_  and no one seemed to want it. She sent me a cautious smile as signed the declaration, the flat coming into my full ownership.  

"Okay okay, now the flat is mine... Can you  _please_ tell me what's wrong with it?" I begged, making her let out a sigh. 

"The man that lives across the hall is a bit, how do I put it... Difficult. He's not dangerous but he's not particularly friendly and has a lot of  _company_ , if you know what I mean," She explained, gathering up all the papers. "The people that lived here have been try to sell it ever since their divorce - he slept with the husband and wife on two separate occasions." 

"... So you've let me sign for an apartment where my 2-year-old daughter will be able to listen to some guy have sex?!" I snapped, narrowing my eyes. 

"You can only hear it in the hall, the only thing you might be able to hear is the headboard. Louis, I'm sorry. Was just so desperate to get it sold... It'll be okay." 

"I could sue for this..." 

"Louis, I-"

"You're lucky I don't have the money for that... Since I just spent my savings on this bloody flat. Goodbye Patricia."

 

She skulked out of the flat and I ran a hand over my face. I can't believe she hadn't told me about the bloody neighbour before I'd bought the apartment. My gaze flickered down to Rowan, she was colouring with such impressive precision for a two-year-old. I walked over and sat down beside her. 

"What you colouring, Ro?" I asked softly, trying to distract myself from how frustrated I was feeling, readjusting the little bows tied around her pigtails.

"Tahzin," She grinned, holding up the book to show me the colouring. 

"Wow baby! Tarzan looks so good!" I beamed. "I like his flowery shirt, bab." 

"My Tahzin fancy!" She bubbled, clapping her hands, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, "Ro make monkey look like daddy!" 

I let my eyes flicker to Terk, her gorilla features had been coloured in in a way to make it somewhat resemble me and I wasn't sure whether to be honoured or offended that she'd made me into a gorilla. She looked at me expectantly, just waiting for my response so I grinned and scooped her up in my arms. 

"Thank you, bug. I love it." I cooed, pressing a kiss to her nose, tracing my fingers down the back of her t-shirt - straightening out the crinkles she'd made whilst jumping about on the bed.

"Ro loves Daddy." She said, her voice small and soft as she looked up at me - the colour of her eyes brighter than any sky or ocean. 

"Daddy loves Ro too..." I whispered, bouncing her a little in my arms. "We're gonna be happy here, aren't we, my little rose?" 

"Yes daddy, I love new house." She yawned. 

I watched on fondly as she fell asleep in my arms. I pushed a few wisps of hair behind her ears and smiled softly before heading back out of the flat - making sure to lock up behind me. My eyes flickered to the door directly across from mine where my supposed bachelor neighbour lived and sighed.

"Please don't be as bad as she says." I whispered, shaking my head and leaving the flat and tucking Rowan into her car seat, trying not to imagine the potential nightmare that my neighbour may be.

I slid myself into the driver's seat and relaxed myself a little. As I started the engine, I took one last look at the apartment block -  _It's going to be okay. We're going to be okay._

 

*******

**Harry’s POV**

Her body writhed beneath mine as I pounded into her heat, her nails raking down my back painfully as she reached her peak. Pulling out and yanking my condom off, I straddled her stomach and jerked off until I came, thick ropes of white streaking over her tits and neck.

“Holy shit,” She gasped, flailing her arm over to the nightstand where I’d strategically placed baby wipes, grabbing an unnecessarily large handful - _fucking greedy bitch,_ I thought – and wiping herself down with trembling hands. “That was great.”

“I know.”

She tilted her head to the side, her brows furrowed with confusion. “You don’t talk much really, do you?”

“Well I didn’t exactly bring you here for a cup of tea and a cosy chat, did I, sweetheart?” I drawled. “I brought you here because we both needed a good shag, not because I needed a therapist or because you needed someone who was a good listener.”

“Wow, you’re a fucking-” I praised whatever divine being was looking down on me as her shrill insult was cut off by a loud series of knocks on my front door, throwing her clothes at her with a pointed glare.

“I have company, now leave.”

She took very little time in throwing her clothes on and running out of the door, the padding of her feet replaced the sharp click of heels across the floor until my bedroom door was flung open, a bitchy, blonde bombshell blocking my only available escape.

 

“Harry Styles, put your fucking clothes on and explain to me why there’s a half-naked young lady running out of your flat crying.”

“She didn’t like the fact that this was a fuck and chuck,” I laughed. “Good morning, Patricia, how can I help you other than letting you see me in all my naked glory?”

“You can fucking get dressed and talk to me like the 22-year-old man that you are!” I winced and pulled on some boxers, trying to block out her nasal whines.

“This is the best you’re going to get,” I snapped. “Now fucking talk to me so we can get this over with and you can fuck off.”

“The flat across the hall has been bought,” Patricia deadpanned, and I found myself sitting up, my eyes widening. “And you’re not to fuck this up, okay? I’m relying on this sale to keep me afloat for a while, and if this tenant moves out really soon then I’m not going to be eligible for full commission.”

“Who’s the new neighbour?”

“ _Harry_! Did you not listen to a word I just said?”

“You _said_ that I have a new neighbour and that I’m not allowed to fuck this up… But I’m now asking who my new neighbour is.”

She scoffed, flipping her hair. “Ohhhhhh no, buddy, I’m not telling you _anything_ about who’s moving in; it’ll just give you more ammunition.”

I smirked. “I have no idea what you mean, Patty.”

“Listen here and listen good, Styles. You are _not_ going to fuck this up for me, and that means that you need to stop bringing all these whores home and banging them as loudly as you can.”

I laughed right in her face, moving so that there was no doubt about the fact that I was intentionally encroaching on her personal space. I let my arms cage her in against the solid barrier of my bedroom door, “I’m pretty sure that you were one of the whores that I banged last week…” Her face paled, showing her true age. I made no secret of the fact that I preferred the older partner, but the way that Patricia acted didn’t betray her true age. Thirty going on twenty-one with a young body, her frown lines and stress only showing when she was wound up… But I carried on. “If this neighbour is such a solid deal, then they won’t care about my bedroom habits, God knows Tom and his wife didn’t mind… So why don’t you stop being a judgemental hypocrite and crawl back into the hole you came from. You’re no better than the girl who just left here, now get lost.”

 

I barely registered the door slamming before I slipped back into bed, my thoughts captured by the idea of having fresh meat living across the hall from me. I couldn’t help but let my mind wander, longingly imagining what my future neighbour would look like. Was it a guy or a woman?

_It’s not like it matters_ , I laughed to myself, _I’ve just got to hope that they’re not some fat, ugly lard. It’ll be easier for me to get laid if my neighbour is hot **and** willing to have quick fucks… And please, Lord, don’t let them be over the age of 45._

I found myself imagining the new neighbour coming into my flat for some eggs or sugar – something ridiculously domestic - and leaving with something far more satisfying, my cock hardening in the confines of my boxers, which I quickly removed and threw onto the floor once more, my hand instantly making its way to where I needed it most.

_Maybe a brunette, a curvy brunette_ , I imagined a full, curvy body writhing beneath me, brunette hair shining in the dim light of the room, _I’m fed up of blondes… **Bloody Patricia**_ **.** _She was such an uptight, little thing… This neighbour better be up for no strings, I’m sick of clingy bitches._

I moaned softly as I jerked off to the thought of my neighbour on all fours, a miscellaneous, curvy brunette face down, ass up and moaning for me.

_And fucking hell, they better be single… Can’t split up **another** couple, can I? Although the risk of being caught is **such** a turn on… But you know what, none of that matters if they don’t have the **best**_ _ass…_

A blurt of precome leaked form the tip of my length as I relived the rush of being caught in bed with the old neighbour’s husband, and I couldn’t help but groan. The image in my head altered slightly, and I could easily see myself fucking the neighbour on all fours, but this time their ass was well rounded and meaty, the flesh supple and jiggling enticingly as I slammed my cock into their tight hole. I felt the heat coiling in my lower belly, and the mental image of fucking my neighbour’s ass was all it took to throw me over the edge, coming hard over my stomach and chest, trembling as I jerked myself through the aftershocks.

“Shit!”

_This could be interesting_.


	2. Chapter 2

** Chapter Two **

****

**Louis POV**

"... Boo, what's wrong? I thought you were so happy to be getting your own place again." 

My eyes flickered up to mum as I knelt on the floor in Rowan and the twins' rooms, packing up her stuff into boxes. Rowan's cot had been deconstructed and she had a small blow up bed until we officially moved - the walls had been painted a cosy cream colour and a soft carpet, so  _homey_ and I was almost regretting pulling her away from this to live opposite a sex demon. She had a concerned look on her face as she put empty boxes down in the room with me. 

"Patricia didn't tell me everything about the apartment." I huffed, leaving out about a week's worth of clothes for Rowan in a neat pile at the end of the bed. 

"Oh honey, what didn't she tell you?" She asked, kneeling beside me, placing a soft hand on my shoulder, pressing a kiss to my cheek. 

"My neighbour is a slut... And apparently you can hear the  _headboard_ through the walls," I groaned, taping up the box and writing  _teddies_ on the side. "My daughter is going to be able to hear some guy having sex!" 

"Maybe talk to him, Rowan isn't moving in until next week, love."

I let out a soft hum, burying my face into her neck - just letting her run her deft fingers up and down my spine to calm me down. I didn't want to face this guy... What if me giving him a telling off only spurred him on more? Made him have  _more_ sex? I moved away from mum and carried down two of Rowan's boxes to the van I'd borrowed from Dan's friend, not missing the pout on her little face as I walked past. 

After putting them in I knelt down in front of her in the living room and scooped her up into my chest, the feeling of her nudging her little nose against my jaw warmed my heart. I looked down at her and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. 

"You've still got another week with Grandma Jay yet, baby," I cooed. "I thought you liked our new home, little rose?" 

"Do! Just love gramma house." She pouted. 

"I know I know, but we're going to be so happy and they'll be over to visit all the time and we'll come over here as well," I explained, tickling her tummy to make her squirm and giggle. "We good, bug?"

"Yes Daddy, we good." 

I put her back down with her toys and went up to my own room to grab my boxes, not missing the way my sisters all gave me the same sad look. 

"Stop pretending you're sad, you get more space with me and Ro gone," I chuckled, letting the elder twins hug me as I came back through the front door. "You don't have to share with Fizzy anymore." 

"But it won't be the same without you Lou, we love having you around." Phoebe said. 

"Even if you are annoying," Daisy grinned. "I wish the house was bigger." 

"It's not just about the size of the house, Daisy. I'm 24, I don't want to live with my mother forever," I chuckled. "As much as I love her, Dan and you lot. I need my own place... And besides, Ro loves it." 

"At least we get to keep her for another week." 

"Exactly. I trust you to take care of my little rose. She's very easily influenced at this age so watch your mouths."

They both pinkie promised, leaving me to carry out the last of my boxes - with Dan's help - to the van; stacking them all neatly a top one another so I could easily see what was in them. As I turned I saw the whole gang outside, Rowan clutching at Lottie's shirt. 

"Dan, as the new man of the house..." I chuckled. "I fully pass on the responsibility of taking care of the little munchkins, including Lottie-" 

"Hey!" She pouted, making Rowan giggle. 

"To you, do you swear to-" 

"You're being an idiot, Louis. Just give us a hug and get in that van yeah?" He laughed, grinning at me. 

I rolled my eyes and pulled him into a man hug, patting his back and chuckling before giving each of the girls and Ernest a hug and a kiss on the forehead. I scooped up Rowan from Lottie's grasp and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. 

"Be good for Gramma Jay, I'll come see you every day..." I cooed, letting her kiss my cheek, "I love you, baby bug." 

"Love you, Daddy. See soon?" 

"Definitely." 

I passed her back to Lottie and climbed into the front of the van, waving to all of them before turning on the engine. A deep sigh left my lips and I gripped the wheel tightly. As I drove towards the apartment, every bone in my body just hoped that I wouldn't bump into my neighbour today... I just want to be able to move in in peace. But I knew that luck definitely wasn't on my side. 

 

*******

**Harry’s POV**

As I threw all of my bedsheets into the washing machine – they were a little _sticky_ – I heard a car drawing up outside the flats, something rare seeing as most of the people who lived here had no need for a car and could either walk or get an Uber to wherever they needed to be. Peeking out of the window, I saw a large moving van pull up, the driver obscured from my vision by the glare of the sun off of the windscreen.

 _The new neighbour_.

I wasn’t subtle in the way that I opened the window and leaned out, staring at the new arrival as the clambered out of the van. Seeing as I was ten floors up, it was very hard to see many defining features, other than that he was male, brunette and small, judging by the way that he was finding it very hard to haul his boxes into the building. It seemed only right – after the fifth time that he dropped a mountain of shoe boxes and screamed at the top of his lungs – that I went down to help him, as any friendly neighbour should. I practically sprinted to the door just as he made it up in the lift, leaning against my doorframe and staring as he bent over to put the boxes, the only defining feature of him that I’d seen up close now being his ass. It was honestly better than the image that my imagination had conjured up the night before, full and meaty, perfectly rounded and perky, clad in jeans… No, they couldn’t have been jeans, they were _far_ too tight, they just had to be women’s jeggings, and that was a thought that turned me on for no reason other than the fact that he _somehow_ managed to have a really defined ass whilst wearing underwear with something that tight.

“Hey neighbour,” I grinned as he began to stand up, the way he spun around allowing him to see just where my eye line had been trained. “Nice to meet you.”

He rolled his eyes – a piercing blue that sent shivers right through me, I noted – and ran his fingers through his sweat matted, chestnut hair, “Oh fuck right off, mate.” He snorted before walking down the corridor towards the stairs, his hips swaying in a way that made his ass look even better – was that even _possible?_ – as he walked away from me. I couldn’t deal with the fact that he hadn’t even responded to me – I mean, it’s not like I got rejected often – so naturally I followed him down to his van, only to find him struggling with a large stack of boxes, his arms trembling with exertion as he attempted to keep them from toppling over once more. I internally cooed a little at the thought of him being quite like a damsel in distress before shaking my head and taking a few steps closer, plastering my shirtless chest against his back, the dampness of his shirt meaning that I could feel the defined muscles contracting and straining as he gripped the boxes for dear life.

“Here,” I murmured in his ear, letting my lips brush against the soft skin behind it. “Let me take some of those from you…”

He inhaled deeply, his shaky breath giving me a smug sense of satisfaction – at least I knew that I had an effect on him – as I took the boxes from him, letting my fingers linger on his arm as I did, before holding them all with one arm, smirking at the way that it was barely even a strain for me. My eyes widened as he bent over then, not at the knee but full on ass-out bending over, the fabric of his jeggings stretching over the swell of his ass, my cock twitching in interest at the sight before me as I had flashbacks to the image I had the day before. It was almost like my hand had a mind of its own – not that I was complaining – as it swung forward and made contact with his firm ass cheek; not slapping, just lingering, squeezing lightly. I groaned softly at the feel of his firm ass in my hand, my eyes widening as I felt that he wasn’t wearing jeggings: they were women’s _leggings_ , the fabric soft and giving under my touch. I praised the Lord for blessing me with such a gorgeous neighbour, praising twice as much when I felt nothing but skin under the leggings – _he was going commando_.

He squeaked, the adorable noise going well with the pink flush that coloured his cheeks, his movements stalling for a moment as if he was deciding whether or not he liked what I was doing, before his hands – they were so _small!_ – flew behind him and viciously slapped at my hand, moving it away from his ass, “Keep your hand off my ass, twat.” He snapped, hauling up the biggest box in the van, which caught my interest when I saw that it was labelled _toys_. Kinky bastard.

I couldn’t help the soft moan that left my lips. “Are you even wearing underwear? And that’s an err… Interesting box you’ve got there.”

“Of course I’m wearing underwear…” I flushed as he quirked an eyebrow, looking at me like I was mentally impaired. “And it’s just a box, love.”

I followed him as we headed back into the block of flats, not being able to resist slapping his ass and watching it jiggle. I smirked when he squealed, his eyes flitting to my arm that was bulging a little with the weight of his boxes – I went to the gym a lot, I needed to impress.

“Doesn’t feel like it to me… And it’s a box labelled _toys_ , sweetheart.”

He huffed, trying to glare but mainly looking like an angry kitten as he placed the box outside his door. “Yes, because it’s a box full of toys.”

I could tell that I was getting to him: his face was flushed with more than exertion, his eyes flitting anywhere but refusing to land on me and his hands shaking, so I took the opportunity to up the ante, standing right behind him as he bent over and pressing my crotch against the crease of his ass, the semi I’d popped when I’d first seen the glorious sight of him leaning over becoming even more obvious. “Sounds like fun to me.”

“What’s your problem, dude?” His voice was strained, showing his frustration as he stepped away from me and I put the boxes down. His scowl was quickly replaced by a top class poker face as he clearly forced himself to be civil, opening his front door and motioning for me to follow him as he led me into the living room. “… Do you want a drink? I’ve not got much at the moment though…”

“My problem is that you’re a very attractive man, and that’s distracting me…” I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair as I let my gaze travel over him, “I’m Harry, by the way, and thank you very much for the offer, but I’m thirsty for something a little different.” I let my eyes stop wandering, his crotch directly in my line of sight as I hoped that my change of direction worked. It was obvious that plain old flirting wasn’t going to sway the guy who was literally a wet dream personified, so I could only hope that appealing to his humorous side.

His face fell, “… Well uh, I’m not really interested in…” He gestured in my general direction, and I fought to hold back a laugh, “I’ve heard enough about you from Patricia,” _Fucking bitch_ , “To know that I should keep my distance.” I let my eyes – once again – wander to his ass as he led me into the kitchen, my mind flashing back to the daydream I had of fucking him on all fours, back arched as he bared himself to me, my cock twitching in the loose confines of my trackies. I couldn’t resist teasing him some more, once again changing my method of flirtation as I backed him against the countertop, caging him in with my arms and leaning in so our lips were just centimetres apart, relishing in the way his breathing hitched.

“Patricia is bitter because I don’t want her… _You_ on the other hand, don’t have to be like her…”

He was a defiant little thing, lifting head and fixing me with a steely glare. “I’m sure she’s got her reasons, Harold.”

“She stormed into my flat today to tell me off for having sex with someone that wasn’t her…” And to tell me not to fuck him, but a little lie of omission wouldn’t hurt _anyone_ … Except Patricia, but she didn’t count, not really. I leant in a little more, our lips barely brushing. “She just gets jealous, love… She isn’t someone you need to be listening to.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t want to be another reason your headboard is disturbing the neighbours.”

I smirked at his excuses, “Nobody can hear it on any floor other than ours, and we’re the only ones on this floor… And seeing as you’d be the cause, nobody else would hear us…” I couldn’t resist the temptation that was his strong jawline, and let my lips trail across the skin, subtly inhaling the soft scent of lavender and vanilla that seemed ingrained in his skin, letting out a near silent moan. “Besides… You’d be so much more than that.”

“Don’t lie to me,” His voice was wobbly as he placed a firm hand on my chest and pushed me back, by heart twinging a little at the rejection. “I’d never be more than that.”

I couldn’t give this up, not yet, so I took the hand that was on my chest in my own and brought it to my lips, kissing lightly across the knuckles. “You don’t know unless you try… I never caught your name…”

“Louis… My name is Louis.” I could feel the heat rush to my cheeks a little as the name fell off his tongue… It suited him well.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful man,” I kissed him on the cheek, indulgently letting my lips linger on the baby soft skin before taking a step back. “I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other soon, Louis… Meeting you has certainly been a _pleasure_.”

_Literally if we’re judging by the state of my cock right now._

“You too, Harry.” His cheeks flushed red as he spun around, rooting through a box and sorting cutlery into a drawer.

“Oh, and Louis?”

“Yeah?” His blue eyes burned into mine as he looked over his shoulder.

I let my classic smirk fall on my lips. “I _really_ enjoy a chase… Especially when the person I’m chasing is as gorgeous as you… I’ll see you soon.”

His voice was soft, and I barely caught it as I turned to leave. “Good luck.”

“You’re a challenge, Louis… And I don’t back down from a challenge.” And with that I walked out, chuckling under my breath.

 

I _would_ get him to bed, I wouldn’t give up until I did.


	3. Chapter 3

** Chapter Three **

 

**Louis POV**

I opened up the cupboard and picked up every snack I could possibly fit in my arms before dumping them on the counter. The boys were on their way over and it would be nice to christen the flat. Niall, Zayn and Stan were the only friends who had stuck around after Rowan had been born - once the others heard the full story they had been warned off by Stan and Niall; my friends not wanting me to go through the bullying Zayn had endured (we only found out about it after I'd told them about me.)

I tipped the snacks into various neon coloured bowls and carried them out to the coffee table, laying them beside one another (in the correct order obviously), before there was a heavy knock on the door - I knew  _exactly_ who it was. 

"Neil! You made it!" I grinned, pulling the blonde into my arms, as I flung the door open. "And you brought beer, you star."

"Duh, obviously. But all of it's for me, Zayn has yours." He beamed, heading straight to the kitchen, Stan in tow after a quick hug, leaving me alone with my beautiful best friend.

He stepped forward and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek, lips lingering ever so slightly. I smiled sweetly and hugged him gently, feeling him nuzzle into my embrace. Zayn was my oldest friend and I trusted him with my life but he made it very clear that he had a crush on me. Now don't get me wrong, Zayn is probably one of the hottest guys I know but... I couldn't ever see myself dating and then marrying him someday. He wasn't the father Rowan needed. 

He sent a sweet smile my way before passing a crate of beer to me, winking and following the other two into the kitchen to place a few of the beers in the fridge before they all returned - Zayn chucking me two beers of my own. I turned on the football and opened up my beer before taking a seat on the sofa.

As we settled down for our lads' night in, I finally began feel felt like this place was my  _home_... And it only made me more excited to get Ro here. I propped my feet up on Zayn's lap, legs across Stan's and took a sip of my beer, relaxing back into the soft arm of the couch. 

"Did you explain to your boss your situation?" Stan asked. 

"I chose this time to move because it's half term, I don't have to work for a while yet," I smiled, turning the volume of the TV down. "Which is good because I can spend some time with Ro before then." 

"I'm not surprised she loves this place. It's so cosy... Have you painted her room?" Niall piped up, his bottle resting against his lips.

"No, Stan and I are heading to the hardware store tomorrow to get stuff," I smiled. "But I'm so worried about my neighbour…" 

"What about them? Are they some sleazy old pervert?" Zayn chuckled, leaning forward to grab some snacks 

"... Some sleazy _young_ pervert," I snorted, leaning back more into the sofa, slinking down a little more. "He was staring at my ass when I was bringing boxes in and then, right, he had the fucking nerve to grope my ass when I bent over to get stuff out the van!" 

"Sounds like you like him." Niall teased. 

"Please tell me what part of that implied I like him?" I laughed, immediately noticing the frown on Zayn's face. 

"Who bends over to get stuff out of a van, Lou?" He quipped. "You were being such a tease!" 

"Listen here, you leprechaun bastard-"

I was cut off by a bang, and what seemed to be the unmistakeable sounds of bed springs coming from across the hall. I groaned as I knew  _exactly_ what it was, and before long the banging was continuous and rhythmic.

"Would you excuse me?" I growled, slamming my now empty beer down on the table. 

I walked out of the flat and the noise only got louder, and now I could make out squealy female moans, making me feel queasy, mixed with deep grunts which I assumed were coming from Harry. I sighed and knocked on the door hard, making it clear I was very pissed off and  _not_ in the mood to deal with this man. I crossed my arms across my chest and narrowed my eyes as I waited impatiently for him to show his face. Part of me hoped he'd be apologetic but I knew that this was  _Harry_ I was about to talk to.

It took a while for Harry to open the door, but when he did it was obvious that he'd made no effort to look acceptable to answer my knocking. His chest was sweaty, his curls were a mess and there was an obvious boner hidden underneath his boxer shorts as he looked over me with a frown. He took a moment before his frown curved into his usual smirk and he leant against the door frame, the smell of sex and female perfume filled my nostrils - whoever he brought home obviously wearing too much of it - and I swallowed heavily to stop myself from gagging from the overwhelming scent. His chest rose and fell as he tried to collect himself before a sweaty hand ran through his hair and he spoke up.

"Can I help with something?"

 

*******

**Harry’s POV**

The look on Louis’ face as he glared at me was a picture, and I don’t think I’d ever forget it. His blue eyes were blazing with anger, his fists clenched at his side as he seemingly struggled to refrain from punching me in the face. It was quite cute, really, more like a growling puppy than a snarling Rottweiler. I mentally slapped myself when the word ‘cute’ crossed my mind – I wasn’t meant to find people _cute_ , I was meant to find them hot, then fuck them and never see them anymore; it was part of who I was. I distracted myself by taking the time to let my eyes roam his body: his arms on full display – I never thought I’d be attracted to someone with such _ridiculous_ tattoos, but the way that they jumped out at me while his biceps bulged was enough to make my cock throb in my boxers – in his loose white tank top, his collarbones and chest tattoos peeking out and practically making my mouth water with the thought of getting my mouth on them and marking them as _mine_ and his hair flattened by a deep red beanie. I wanted him to be _mine_. I shook the thought out of my head quicker than it’d arrived and let my eyes wander over his hips and down his lap, pretty much drooling at the way that his trackies were super skinny, clinging to every curve and showing me the outline of his dick – _holy shit, I didn’t think I could get harder_ \-  and no doubt making the swell of his ass even more pronounced despite the fact that I couldn’t see it… _Yet_.

I let my usual smirk slip onto my face and leaned against the doorframe, making no effort to hide what I’d just been doing. “Can I help with something?”

His eyes flared with anger as he frowned at me. It made my chest ache in a strange way to see him so bothered by the way that I presented myself, and I felt my stomach dropping at the idea of me disgusting him… I didn’t want to disgust him, I just wanted… I didn’t know what I wanted, but it wasn’t something I was used to needing from someone. “I’m trying to have a nice night in with my mates to watch the football and you’re disturbing us.”

“Sorry,” I was, and I hated myself for it. Apologising was the sign of weakness that I would never show, and hadn’t shown for years. Why should I be sorry for having a good time? And more importantly, why did I feel guilty for ruining Louis’ guy time? I needed to make myself seem ignorant again, so I added “is she being too loud?”

The repulsed look on Louis’ face was something I’d never forget, and I suddenly felt my erection waning, any ounce of arousal gone and leaving a cold emptiness in its wake. Why the fuck did I feel like this? He meant nothing to me… Nothing at all.

“You both are; can you have some bloody consideration?”

“Can’t _you_ have some consideration? I’ve had blue balls since seeing you yesterday, I’m only dong you a favour by shagging this girl instead of jumping you in the hallway.”

“I just want to watch the footie in peace, mate.” My heart melted at his wounded tone, but I didn’t let it show, instead pouting as if he’d personally offended me.

“And I want to get laid.”

“Well do it quietly then!” His eyes shifted and settled on something behind me, and as I glanced over my shoulder I saw the girl – fuck knows what her name was, I didn’t really care enough to try and remember – who’d previously been on all fours on my bed peeking around the corner in only her underwear.

“Didn’t anyone tell you it’s rude to eavesdrop?” I snapped at her, her cheeks flushing red. “You can leave now.”

“But we were having so much _fun_!” Ugh, how had I not realised how annoying her voice was? That’d teach me to pick up someone I had no interest in listening to. Louis was biting his lip, his shoulders shaking with all the effort he was putting in to not laughing, making me smile softly – it was close enough to a smirk, I was sure.

“You were boring me.” I deadpanned, her face falling as she huffed. “I would have faked an orgasm and then jacked off once you’d gone… Bye now.”

She huffed again and pulled on her clothes before pushing past both Louis and myself, the former raising an eyebrow with amusement, “You really have a way with the ladies, haven’t you?” He chuckled.

I flushed at that, looking at the floor. The knot in the bottom of my stomach twisted and tightened at his tone, the tone that told me how much he judged me for the way he thought I was, for the person he assumed that I was after Patricia stuck her oversized nose in. “I meant it… She wouldn’t have gotten me off.” And I was being honest: I was getting bored of her, and the sound of Louis laughing with his friends had thrown me off completely, sending my already troubled mind off on a tangent to the point where I was almost not completely there are I fucked into her.

“Then why bother?” He seemed genuinely confused, but before I could say anything he just shook his head, as if he was completely dismissing the idea of me ever being anything other than the whore next door. “You know what? I don’t need to know, just uh, be quiet when you jack off, yeah?”

I let a soft smile creep onto my face as his tone went from being abrasive to being somewhat… _Sympathetic?_ “Because sometimes I just need to forget… But don’t worry, I probably won’t get off… I’m just gonna have a cold shower.”

I flinched a little with surprise when I felt his small hand land on my bicep, squeezing lightly. For once it wasn’t a touch that I would leer at, instead being a touch that sent a shock of warmth through me and comforted me somewhat, “If you ever need someone to listen, I’m here… I’m more than just an ass to fuck, H.” He ended his kind statement with a soft kiss to my cheek, the feeling of his lips on my skin sending tendrils of warmth right through me as he headed back to his own flat.

 _Fuck the pretence_ , I thought, _just be nice to him, it’s the least he deserves._

“Louis?”

He paused in his tracks and turned to face me, his smile gentle and warm. “Yeah?”

“You…” I blushed. “You’re more than a pretty face as well.”

“… You are too,” I started to grin, only for my face to fall as he continued to speak, “You just need to realise it and stop fucking anyone that’ll have you.” And with that he went back into his flat, greeted by raucous laughter and cheering.

 _You’re nothing but a slut to him, Styles, and that’s all you are to everyone else_ , I let out a long sigh, walking back into my flat and slamming the door shut behind me, grabbing my phone and playing my most miserable Spotify playlist through my Bluetooth speakers. I didn’t care that it was actually louder than the sex noises, I just needed to vent. _No wonder he looked so disgusted with you, you piece of shit, you’re a disgrace._

“THAT’S NOT SHUTTING UP, YE BASTARD!” I thought my music was loud, but the Irish voice that screamed across the hallway was louder, and I paused my music to scream back at the ignorant twat.

“THEN TURN UP THE TV YOU IRISH PRICK!” I yanked the door open and glared at the flat as if the owner of the offending voice could see me.

“DON’T MAKE US COME OVER THERE AND FIGHT YE, LAD, CAUSE THERE’S FOUR OF US ‘N ONE OF YOU!”

I rolled my eyes at the pathetic threat. “OH NO, FOUR GUYS JUMPING ON ME, WHAT A HOT THOUGHT… LET ME CONTAIN MY RAGING BONER!”

I was happy to let it drop, but what was shouted next was truly like a slap to the face, my heart sinking in my chest.

“YER A BLOODY CREEP, NO WONDER LOUIS DON’T WANT YE!”

 _Creep._  
Slut.  
No wonder he doesn’t want you.  
Disgusting.

I barely heard the squeal that clearly came from Louis as he told his friend off, but quite frankly I didn’t care. It was obvious that Louis had been complaining to his friends about his creepy, perverted neighbour, and the thought of him telling everyone how disgusting he found me made me want to cry – something I hadn’t done in years.

“FUCK YOU!” I yelled, slamming the door and playing the music once more, even louder than it’d been previously.

Another voice joined in the screaming then. “YOU WISH, PERV!”

I found a sadder playlist as I just sat on the floor in my hallway, wearing nothing but my boxers as I buried my face in my hands and sighed. None of them knew me, none of them knew why I behaved in the way that I did, yet it didn’t change the way that their assumptions hurt. To them – to _Louis_ – I was nothing but a worthless slut, and I didn’t know how to feel about that. I wasn’t supposed to _care_ about Louis’ opinions, I barely knew the guy, but there was something tugging at the knot in my stomach, telling me that there was something there I’d never felt before… I _hated_ it.

My attention was caught by a pink note sliding underneath my door, covered in chicken scratch handwriting that I didn’t recognise.

 

_Pls ignore my friends, they’re pricks. You look so much cuter when you smile, H…  
-Lou xx_

I smiled fondly, running my finger over the ink, but I didn’t care at all… Nope… Didn’t care one bit.


	4. Chapter 4

** Chapter 4 **

**Louis POV**

I parked the van outside Mum's house and turned off the engine, leaning back against the seat a little as I realised I got to see my little girl, my face lit up. Also partly glad to be back here - remembering how much I loved the house. I hurried out of the van and up the cobblestone path, brushing my jeans down before pushing open the front door.

"Guess who's here!" I called out, a big smile still on my face as I stepped in, toeing off my vans to reveal my bare feet.

"Dadddyyy!" 

"Hey bug!" I grinned, scooping up the small girl in my arms as she toddled towards me with as much effort as her little feet could muster, her pink socks making a patting sound against the smooth laminate floor. 

"Miss Daddy lots," She huffed, snuggling up into my chest. "When Ro live with Daddy?" 

"Soon baby, soon. Once Daddy has gone back to work," I cooed, pressing a kiss to her forehead before walking through the corridor to the living room. "What you been up to since Daddy has been away, love?"

"Auntie Lottie been playing dolls with me, Auntie Fizzy make cupcakes and Gramma Jay made my hair all curly!" She beamed, her little arms flailing about as she talked. "Did little braid, I look funny." 

"I'm sure you looked gorgeous, Rowan."

"She did, especially when I put flowers in her braids. Looked like Rapunzel." Lottie smiled, tapping the end of her nose, making the smallest Tomlinson giggle endearingly as I sat down beside the eldest of my siblings 

"I pretty princess!"  

"She definitely gets that from you," Lottie smirked, making me blush dark, before her mouth curved into a pout. "Can I do your makeup, Lou? I got a new contour kit..." 

"Lottie..." I sighed, placing Rowan on the floor so she could go and play with the twins. 

"Oh come on Lou, I know you like having it done. And no one will see, just me and you. Promise." She smiled, holding up her pinkie finger.

I rolled my eyes and as soon as my pinkie was around hers, she was dragging me upstairs to her bedroom. After managing not to fall up the stairs I found myself sat at the end of Lottie's bed with my hair tucked under a beanie to keep it out of the way and a wet wipe pressed to my cheeks. Lottie had somehow managed to convince mum to let her have her own room and I actually preferred it to my own; it was mature but warm at the same time - it looked straight out of Tumblr and was one of the most aesthetically pleasing rooms I'd ever seen.

"You have such good bone structure, this contour will not to go waste on those cheeks," She laughed, pulling her makeup collection out from under the bed and setting it beside her. "So, how's the new flat? I want to see it asap." 

"It's really cosy and after having the boys over last night, it just felt so homey and I could see myself living there for a while. I mean it's probably only ever going to be me and Rowan so I don't see the need for a bigger place." I hummed, closing my eyes as she did her thing. 

"Not looking for a special someone?" She quipped. 

"Gave up looking last year. Every guy seemed to run a mile when they found out about Rowan..."

"What about-" 

"Don't say Zayn. Lotts, you know I don't see him like that... Can you really see him as a potential father for my daughter?" I huffed, opening my eyes as she contoured my cheeks with a look of concentration on her face. 

"... I guess you're right. He does love her but I don't think it'd ever be more than in a 'his best friend’s kid' kind of way. Are you sure there's no one, Lou?" 

"Other than the neighbour who wants to get in my pants, no." I huffed, adjusting the beanie. 

"Is he hot?" She smirked, quirking a perfectly defined eyebrow, leaning forward on her manicured hand. 

"Probably the most beautiful person I've ever seen, but that's not what this is about." I explained, leaning back on the palm of my hands, trying to fight the fond smile that wanted to form on my face. 

"Then what is this about?" 

"Rowan, always Rowan. I don't want to be on his list of hook ups... Like there's nothing wrong with hook ups but he sleeps with  _everyone._ " I groaned, pulling the beanie off of my head. 

"So he's been chasing you since he first saw you and he hasn't given up?" She frowned. "Has he been chasing others? Keeping them around after shags?" 

"He's more of a fuck and chuck kind of guy." I explained, shifting so I could sit next to her on the bed and we could lean against the headboard. 

"Lou, if that was the case he wouldn't be chasing you." She sighed, scrolling through Twitter as we chatted. 

I furrowed my brow and tried to think about what she said but then I realised she was being ridiculous; this was  _Harry_  we were talking about. The whore next door. He fucks and chucks. That's it. 

"Have you stalked his Instagram?" She asked, looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why would I-" 

"Have I taught you nothing!?" She squealed, smacking my chest making me pout and hold my hands up defensively, so she just sighed and pulled up the app. "Username?" 

"You ask me like I know, Lottie..." I chuckled, before she gave me a look, which I recognised absolutely immediately. "... Its  _harrystyles."_

She grinned evilly and tapped in his usernames, her long nails clicking against the screen - her brow furrowed in concentration. Just as I settled into a comfy position she squealed and grabbed my bicep. 

" _HOLY SHIT!_ " 

I frowned and glanced over her shoulder at his Instagram, seeing nothing that I hadn't seen before. Sure I'd seen his Instagram but had made no effort to stalk him... This intensely. I let her browse for a moment before questioning her previous outburst. 

"He's hot as fuck, Lou... And I've learned that about five years ago he was dating someone just as hot," She explained, holding up the phone to show a photo of a guy with his lips pressed to Harry's cheek, sunglasses adorned on his face, hiding his appearance -the photo captioned ' _Love him, he's the worst #Boyfriendstagram'_ , but all I could really notice was how  _young_ Harry looked - barely an adult - but this guy seemed  _older._  I could only make out his strong jaw which was littered heavily with stubble and he was bulky making Harry look so small. "He's 22, Harry... If you were wondering." 

"Seeing his ex-boyfriend isn't a confidence booster, but that still means nothing to me, Lottie." I replied, making a frustrated groan pass her lips - as if the answer was right in front of me. 

"Don't you find it weird? Like he was in this relationship for a while, so it's not like he's bad with commitment... But he hasn't dated since?" 

I shook my head and smiled a little. "He's still young, he probably doesn't want another relationship right now." 

"Lou, just give it some thought, yeah? He might be hurting."

Now I felt guilty. Was I the bad guy here? No... I can't be. I've judged Harry purely on the version of him I've seen, it's not my fault if he's got a secret sad side. I locked Lottie's phone to stop her stalking his Instagram and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"He made it clear that he wants a hook up. He's rude to them as well, he told a girl to fuck off for no reason!"

"He said that in front of you?" She asked, like it was the most important part of what I said. 

"Harry told her he'd pretend to orgasm and then wank in the shower after she'd left," I huffed, rolling my eyes, making her burst out laughing and slap my arm.  _She's doing a great job at making me feel like an idiot_. "What now?"

"You're so stupid!"

"Hey!" I hissed, pouting and crossing my arms like a grumpy toddler. "He's rude!" 

"He told her that because  _you_ were there, Louis. Can't you see?" 

"Ah yes, rude to women is exactly what I look for in a man." I snorted, making  _her_ seem like the stupid one since apparently it was  _attack Louis_ day or something ridiculous. 

"No Louis, he wanted her gone so he could focus on you." She said softly, tapping the end of my nose like she had done with Rowan only an hour ago, my face scrunching up in the exact same way. 

"That's ridiculous," I scoffed, shaking my head. "I have to head off; I’m going shopping for Rowan’s room." 

Her eyes flickered across my face as if searching for something before her lips curled into a sickly sweet smile, blue eyes glinting with mischief as she spoke, "Tell Harry I said hi."

"You're funny," I replied, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "See you tomorrow, take care of Ro for me!" 

"Of course, you know you don't have to ask." 

"You're the best!" I grinned. 

"Tell me that again tomorrow, yeah?" She smirked, quirking an eyebrow, making me frown a little. "Don't ask, just... Say it again." 

"You're weird." 

"I know."

 

*******

**Harry’s POV**

**_ 5 days later _ **

**__ **

“I feel like an idiot, Li!”

According to Liam, I was being a drama queen, pacing in circles around my living room and flailing my arms madly as I tried to convey just how moronic I felt. Liam had been my best friend since we were kids, and was the only person who’d ever stuck by me through everything that life had thrown at us. He was like a brother to me, and he made no secret of the fact that he thought of me in more than a platonic sense, even though he knew full well that I couldn’t see him that way. It hurt me to know that I was almost stringing him along in a sense, seeing as his heart was set on finding me someone that I’d fall in love with and therefore stop me from sleeping around although he knew that the person wasn’t ever going to be him. He was a strong the strong silent type, well built and stocky with a heart of gold… Liam didn’t have a bad bone in his body, and that meant that he was missing the feistiness that I was craving in a partner… He was just… _Too soft._

He sighed at my exclamation, rolling his eyes as I refused to stop moving. “… What’s happened now, H?”

“My neighbour happened.”

“What did they do? Are they ugly? Did you hit on them anyway?” I could see the pained look in his eyes that he tried to mask when he mentioned the way that I hit on people like it was the only thing keeping me alive. I felt bad when he looked like this, knowing that I was the reason he was hurting so much, but there was a terrible, terrible part of me that just thought it was his own fault, even though it wasn’t. I thought of Louis then, and how he was just so _different_ to Liam, so much so that it was almost mind blowing. Where Liam’s eyes were a deep, warm brown that I found comforting; Louis’ were blue and icy, and made me feel like he could see right through me. Where Liam was bulky and built, Louis was slight and curvy, the perfect shape for me to grab and hold even though he’d never let me. By all means, Liam should have been the man I found myself attracted to, but it just didn’t fall that way.

“He’s fucking _beautiful_ , Liam.” I sighed.

He quirked an eyebrow. “… So why do you feel like an idiot then? Surely the fact that he’s attractive is a good thing?”

“Because…” I sighed, raking my hands through my hair. There was no way to spare Liam’s feelings when he was asking me those questions, so I just dove right in with my answer. “Because I don’t just want to fuck him?”

The frown on Liam’s face made my heart hurt, the sadness he tried so hard to hide showing in his eyes. He was perfect, honestly, and sure, I thought he was attractive, but a relationship? It just wouldn’t work. “Are you actually getting feelings for someone? You said the guy moved in two days ago…”

“Not feelings…” I trailed off. I definitely didn’t _like_ Louis. This wasn’t a high school situation where you thought someone was good looking and instantly declared that you were in love with them, it was the adult world where I could easily admit that I found him… _Aesthetically pleasing_. “More like… A heavy attraction?”

“… Then why don’t you date him or something?” When Liam asked that ridiculous question I found myself thinking back to an evening five days ago, when Louis’ clearly answered that question.

 

**_Flashback_ **

_As I dumped the bin bags in their designated spot, a flash of green caught my eye, and I lifted my head to see Louis hauling multiple shopping bags up the stairs and into the hallway. His hair was styles into a messy quiff – God, that really suited him – and the deep green Adidas hoodie suited him perfectly. I chuckled quietly under my breath as he struggled to juggle his black backpack and all of his bags._

_“Need a hand?” I offered, my voice soft._

_“No.” He snapped, his head down as he refused to meet my gaze._

_“There’s no need to be rude, Louis, I was just offering to help you carry everything.”_

_“Yeah, well I don’t need your help thanks.”_

_“Jesus Christ,” I laughed softly under my breath, pulling my hair up into a bun. “What’s got your knickers in a twist?”_

_His head shot up then, and his face turned a dark shade of pink as he choked on air and fixed me with a sharp glare. “W-What the fuck did you just s-say?”_

_“It’s a figure of speech, Louis… Are you wearing makeup?” I couldn’t help but stare at the way that his cheekbones were sharp, highlighter and contoured – I have an older sister, of course I know what that is – to perfection. His face was practically glowing, and the way that his cheekbones were accentuated immediately made my mind imagine what he would look like on his knees with his cheeks hollowed as he sucked my-_

_“Does it matter if I am?” Louis seemed exceptionally snappy as he interrupted my dirty day dream, “Does it_ repulse _you, Styles? The idea of a guy wearing something only girls typically wear? Does that not turn you on?” He mocked me with a fake gasp. “Is there finally something that doesn’t turn the massive_ slut _on?”_

_“Louis-”_

_“Fuck off, Harry.”_

_Just a slut to him… Just a slut._

**_End of Flashback_ **

****

“He… I… I _hate_ him, Li.” The lie fell easily from my lips: it was easier to pretend that there wasn’t something different about Louis than it was to admit that I was attracted to him.

“No you don’t.” Clever bastard.

“I _know_ I don’t!” I whined, throwing myself on the sofa next to Liam and curling up against his side and loving the sense of comfort that washed over me when he threw his arms around my shoulders. “But the whole point of me being in denial is that I don’t accept the truth!”

“Maybe you should just fuck him and get it out of your system? I could just be that you’re so desperate to get into his pants that you’ve misplaced the lust for something else?”

_I wish._

“I don’t think I can do that, Liam… This isn’t like any of the other times.”

Liam’s face fell into a deep frown as he looked down at me, his eyes betraying just how he felt. “How is it not, Harry? You don’t even know him.”

“I just… I can’t keep carrying on like this.” My vision blurred as my eyes welled up with tears, and I just willed for them to go away, not ready to admit just how sad I was about the way that I acted. “I can’t keep shagging around just because I don’t like feeling things after what happened before.”

“Ethan was a prat; I don’t know why you ever let him get to you. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with shagging around; I do it.”

 

The moment Ethan’s name left Liam’s mouth, I flinched, the memories from three years ago flooding back. I’d met him when I was 17 and he was 22, and was instantly attracted to him. There was something different behind his pale blue eyes that just pulled me in, more so than any of the silly crushes and meaningless relationships I’d had in the past, and his rugged manliness was insanely appealing to me. He treated me like a prince, showered me with love and affection almost every single day for a year and a half; I thought that I’d fallen in love and that nothing could ruin what we had… Until one day he just began to _change_. The Ethan I’d fallen in love with was slowly changing into someone very different; someone who barely gave me the time of day and if he did it was because he was sexually frustrated and needed someone to give him relief. I was no longer someone that he loved, I was just a toy to him, and he made sure that I knew it.

 _‘You’ll never find someone who loves you_.’ He’d whisper in my ear nearly every day. _‘Not like I do, because I’m the only person who will ever tolerate you enough to care. You’re nothing but a good fuck, baby, and that’s all you’ll ever be, my little slut.’_

I left him after nearly 2 years of being together, and despite the way that Liam insisted that I was a free man, I didn’t feel free at all. Every night when I fell asleep I was haunted by Ethan’s words, and I let them whirl around in my head until one day I just accepted them to be true. There were no relationships after Ethan, because nobody would want me, and that was firmly rooted in my mind, so I just stuck to what he said I was good at: shagging around. I slept with anyone I could; some people being regular no strings hook ups, and others being nameless one night stands. Gaining a reputation over three years wasn’t difficult for me, yet it was a completely false representation. People said that I kicked people out when the deed was done, but more often than not I let them sleep in my bed while I sat awake on the sofa with a drink – typically alcoholic – and then made them breakfast in the morning… But that wasn’t something anyone remembered… I was just the local slut, just like Ethan said I was.

 

I snapped out of my reverie and frowned at Liam’s optimism. “You don’t do it like I do… You do it for fun; I do it because nobody will ever want to commit to the local slut.”

“You know that’s not true. Harry, you’re gorgeous, you’re funny, you’re kind…” His eyes lit up as he spoke, and I could feel my heart clenching in my chest. Liam was so utterly perfect in every single way, so sweet and gentle, and he always knew what to say to make me feel a little les shitty about myself… Why couldn’t I fall for him instead of being such a stupid idiot? He squeezed my bicep, letting his hand linger on the exposed skin. “You’re the best guy I know; you just need someone who’ll treat you right… You’re only 22, nobody is expecting you to have found that special someone yet.”

I made my way onto Liam’s lap, craving the comfort he gave me as I buried my face in his neck and mumbled. “Sometimes… Sometimes I think Ethan was right.”

“Ethan was not right, Harry.” Liam’s voice was firm and determined as he ran his hands up and down my back. Ugh, why couldn’t I just like _him_? “Don’t you ever think that.”

I frowned against his neck… Why couldn’t I just fall for someone like him?

“Don’t say that… Please.” _Oh shit I said that out loud_. I could practically feel the sadness rolling off of Liam as he played with my hair – something he knew that I couldn’t resist – and I arched into his touch, smiling softly at him in an attempt to comfort him.

“Have I told you how much I love you?” I could only hope that it was enough to keep him in my life. I needed him. “You’re amazing.”

His face fell and I flinched a little. “… I love you too.”

I kissed his cheek, barely catching the corner of his mouth as I did so. I felt like such a terrible person, but I needed the comfort and security, and Liam gave me that… So it was kind of easy for me to take advantage of that, “You’re too good for me.” I whispered.

“That’s what f-friends are for.” His arms wrapped around me once more and he ducked his head, burying his face in my neck and hiding from me.

“You’re the best, Lima.” The only response I got was a little hum as he nudged his nose against my skin, his little huffs of breath sending little tingles down my spine. I couldn’t help but giggle and blush, which made him raise his head with a soft smile on his face.

“What do you say to going out and getting pissed tonight?” He offered.

“Hmm… I don’t know, Liam.”

“It’ll take your mind off of Louis…” He was right, as per usual, but I still wasn’t sure. I hated thinking that Louis was convinced that I was nothing more than a heartless twat who slept around, and going out drinking was almost guaranteed to end with me taking someone home… Was it worth the risk? Not really.

“Will you make sure that I don’t screw anyone?” I asked softly, directing my gaze to the floor.

“I can’t promise that though… Especially if I leave with someone.”

I sighed, realising that Liam really didn’t understand how much I hated going home with people, how much I needed his stability if I was going to go out for the night with him. He was like a security blanket for me, and always had been: he was the only person other than my mum who really knew how to rein me in and stop me – more often than not – from making really shitty decisions. Without him guiding me through the night, I knew that I would fuck up even more. I needed him. I needed his help. So with that in mind, my head spinning, I let my first immediate thought leave my mouth.

“Leave with me then.”

He laughed and the mocking sound surprisingly hurt me. Was I really that much of a joke, even to my best friend? “If I leave with you, H, I won’t get laid.”

“Well… You could?” I really needed to shut up, but at that point I was desperate.

He shook his head quickly, knowing full well what I was offering. “No, Harry, you don’t really want that. You seriously need to get laid… But with someone who isn’t me.”

There were so many things I wanted to scream at him in that very moment. How he didn’t know how I felt, or what I wanted and needed. I didn’t need a release, I didn’t need a casual shag; I needed safety and stability, someone who wouldn’t hurt me, and Liam was the only person who fit that description. It hurt to think that my best friend didn’t understand what I was feeling or why I acted in a way that seemed so inappropriate to everyone else. _Was I just a slut to him too?_

“But… But you’re so nice, and hot and…” My voice was no more than a mumble. “You wouldn’t hurt me.”

He pushed me off of him like I was diseased, and I felt my chest constrict at the disgusted action. Liam simply played it off and threw my gold boots at me. “No, I’m not sleeping with you, now let’s go.”

If glares could do anything physical, I’m pretty sure I could have burned a hole in the floor as I refused to look at my so called friend, “Sorry… I’m going to change my shirt.” I ran into my room and immediately grabbed one of my sheer shirts that showed everything off, the red flowers just highlighting how much I wanted to be noticed. If Liam wasn’t going to listen to what I was trying to say, then I was going to make sure he realised just what he was turning down.

By the time I got back, Liam was retying his shoes and I just stood there, waiting for him to actually talk to me. I was sick of people dismissing me, I just wanted someone to care.

“Let’s go, come on.”

My head was spinning and I didn’t even know what I was thinking anymore, and before I could stop myself I was looking him in the eye. “L-Liam?”

“Yes, Harry?”

“Can I do something without you hating me?” I just needed comfort, I needed him.

“Depends what it is…” I’d completely forgotten how easy it was for Liam to read me, and the way that he folded his arms and raised a sceptical eyebrow was enough to tell me that he knew what I was going to ask.

“C-Can I kiss you… _Please_?” Was I begging? I was pretty sure I was begging at this point. It was like a last resort for me, just needed some sort of intimate contact, and if Liam couldn’t give me that… Then maybe he didn’t care as much as he let me think he did.

The answer was clear when he shook his head with a stern look on his face, “I’m sorry, but no. You know that it would mean far more to me than it would to you and I can’t let myself get hurt,” _Selfish, selfish, selfish_. “I… I really want you to… But we can’t… Please, let’s just go and get smashed.”

I sniffled. _Stupid slut, so disgusting you can’t even get a kiss from your best friend._ “Yeah… I guess.”

“Thanks, Haz.” He opened the door for me to leave, but I couldn’t help pulling him into a tight hug – he was like a space heater and the warmth seeped through me, just settling my unease from a simple touch. He squeezed me back before pulling away, a goofy smile on his face as he danced around like a massive moron.

“Lads on tour, lads on tour!” He sang, spinning around in circles and waving his arms like a lunatic. “Lads’ night out, _yeah_!”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his idiocy, but inside I was still bitter from his rejection. “You’re so silly, Li!”

“I’m gonna be even sillier when I get on the dance floor!” He sprinted ahead of me towards the lift, flailing his arms above his head.

I sighed. “Love you.”

“Right back at you!”

_He’s so disgusted by you that he can’t even say the words ‘love you too’. So much for caring._

I pushed Liam into the lift with a smirk on my face, the smirk I usually reserved for getting people into bed, “If it wasn’t for the security cameras then we could have some hot sex in here…” The look he gave me was so painfully satisfying; it was pained and wounded, just pleading for me to stop… So naturally I carried on, moaning loudly. “You could pin me up against the wall and fuck me… You’re so good, it’ll feel so good.”

“Harry,” His eyes were sad and pained, and I hated how much I felt like he deserved it. “Please don’t.”

_You’re a slut. He doesn’t want you. He definitely won’t want you if you hurt him like this._

“Oh…” I flinched and stepped back, my heart thumping in my chest as my stomach churned with disgust. Was I really doing this to my best friend?

“I’m sorry… You know how much you mean to me, and if I ever sleep with you then it’ll be if we’re a couple and you know as well as I do that it won’t happen.”

“I…I…” I thought I was going to be sick. I really was disgusting if I was happy to put my best friend through that pain to make myself feel better. Ethan was right.

_Selfish prick._

“Right, that’s it…” He sighed and pulled me into a tight hug, rubbing his hands over my back. “I’m making sure you get laid tonight.” He meant well, I knew that, but I couldn’t help but worry.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Yes. It’s what you need right now, H.” His smile was soft and earnest and I couldn’t resist leaning forward and pecking his lips gently and quickly.

“Sorry not sorry.” I giggled.

“… Yep, definitely going to get you a girl tonight. Good job I called us an Uber.”

I pouted playfully, knowing that we were ok. “Didn’t you like it?”

“Of course I did you muppet. But you’re sad and horny, aren’t you? So we’re going to go to the bar and get you a hot girl to take home.”

“But I want a hot _Leeyum_!” I joked.

“Well this hot Liam is out of bounds, H. Come on, let me be your wingman; I know your type.”

I slapped his ass and giggled as he glared. “Muscular men with puppy dog eyes and massive dicks?”

“No, H,” He glared at me even more, but his eyes were filled with amusement. “You like tall, skinny, blonde girls with big tits… Model material.”

“Maybe I don’t want that tonight…” I licked his cheek and he slapped my chest.

“Fine. We’ll get you a little brunette with no tits.”

“That’s you!” I stole another kiss, feeling cheeky enough to get away with it.

“I’m not little, stop kissing me!” He shoved me into the back of the Uber and quickly followed after me. “I’m picking who you go home with tonight, you’ll like her, I promise.”

“Can we make a deal?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“If we don’t get laid… Can we get each other off?” It was a bold move, I knew, but if I could at least get him to agree then I’d feel a lot better about myself.

“… Fine. But you will get laid, so it’s fine. And it doesn’t mean that you can’t _try_ , Haz, us getting together is a last resort, yeah?”

“I won’t get laid…”

“Yes you will…” That’s something I always admired about Liam: he was so amazingly optimistic, it was mad. “I’ve picked this bar specifically because I know a group of girls who are going there tonight.”

“Aww, but _Daddy_!” I whined, feeling _really_ sorry for our driver who grimaced in the rear-view mirror. I didn’t mean what I was saying, but I knew full well that Liam was really into being called _that_ and it was just fun to tease him about it in inappropriate places. He tensed up and punched me in the thigh, making me squeak.

“Stop! I’m going to try and get you laid tonight, Harry, so don’t make me leave you all alone with no one.”

“Aww, sorry Daddy, am I getting to you?”

“I’m not sleeping with you, Harry…” Liam sounded frustrated now. “So you either let me set you up with some cute girl or I just leave you in the bar and get laid myself.”

“I’m sorry… I was only joking.”

“Thank you, now let’s get drunk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that both BabyStylins0n and myself took a really long time on this chapter, padding out what we'd planned in order to A) make the overall chapter longer and B) ensure that character development is at a fairly natural rate for the amount of chapters we've planned. That being said, this is called fan FICTION for a reason and while we really appreciate constructive criticism, anything that's sarcastic and rude rather than helpful will be deleted. I feel really horrible saying that, because obviously neither of us want to be deleting comments, but we'd like to think that you trust in our writing enough to know that we aren't going to rush this. This fic is our baby, and we've put so much more effort into this one compared to the first one we wrote; all we want is for you to enjoy reading it as much as we've enjoyed writing it. We love the fact that you guys come on this journey with us and honestly, we watch the characters grow at the same time as you do, so sharing this with you is a great honour... Thank you so much for sticking with this, it means a lot.
> 
> All the love x


	5. Chapter 5

** Chapter Five **

 

**Louis POV**

"Fucking hate Mr Heston, he's the worst teacher to ever exist ever," I groaned, banging my head on the table and my hand wound around my beer. "He tried to blame my tardiness on the fact I like it up the ass!" 

The four of us (Niall, Stan, Zayn and I) had found ourselves on a night out, crawling to the club nearest my apartment building. The music was blaring, the sound of Sigala almost bursting my eardrums as people drunkenly danced in time to the beat of  _Easy Love._  The club was nice, surprisingly clean and the booth we'd found had the comfiest seats (it was also right next to the bar but I didn't mention that point to the boys). There were honestly far too many bright flashing lights -  _pink, orange, yellow, pink, orange, yellow_  - the whole club was neon as fuck and I had to squint ever so slightly to be able to see anything when my face wasn't pressed against the table. 

Zayn had his arm around the back of the seat as I leant into him, his own hand wrapped around a drink - his body flush against my side, the warmth of his chest making me sweat (not that I cared to admit that out loud). Stan was leaning forward to listen to my whining and Niall was leaning against the wall, a pitiful smile on his face. I had the hopes of drinking away my worries but the concerned looks on my friends' faces told me that that was not going to be the case. 

"Why don't you tell the head about it, Lou?" Zayn asked, squeezing my shoulder, a worried smile on his face. "Those types of comments aren't acceptable." 

"Don't want to create a fuss just before term starts, it was only a teacher training day so I'm sure it'll fade away when we're actually in a professional environment…" I said, lifting my head so I could see my three best friends all looking at me with the same expression. "And besides, he teaches year 6, I teach year 1... We won't cross paths often since we have separate staff rooms for upper and lower school teachers." 

"Louis-" 

"I don't think I'm drunk enough, bartender! Gimme 3 shots of the strongest thing you have that won't kill me." I called out across 6ft to the bar, getting a big grin and a thumbs up from the small tattooed girl behind the bar, thanking the lord she could hear me from there. 

"Louis, seriously, report him. Drinking away your problems isn't going to solve anything." Stan said, furrowing his brow making me pout at him as he moved my half-drunk beer away from me, making me lean across the table to grab it - but Zayn's hands finding my waist and pulling me back to my seat.

"Stanley! You've let me down; you're supposed to be the one encouraging me!" 

"Nah, Lou. That's Niall's job but even he's in agreement with us. Just talk to the head teacher about this. I don't want you like this again, you haven't been like this since Oli and Calvin pressured you... And you remember what happened then." 

"Yeah, the best fucking thing in my life happened then!" I snapped, before holding my hands up apologetically. "Sorry, I'm stressed and not drunk enough."

"Fine, fine, let loose a bit... Drink your shots and then we can dance." Zayn sighed, paying for my shots as the bartender bought them over. "Come on."

I quickly downed the shots, my face scrunching up a little as I felt the burn of the alcohol running down it - setting my body a light from the inside. I wrapped my hand around Zayn's wrist and tugged him to the dance floor, making him stumble after me. I pulled him flush against my back and let my head roll back onto his shoulder - a drunken smile on my face as I let the music course through my body. 

"I take back everything I said... We need to get you drunk all the time." He chuckled, his hands finding their way to my waist as I moved my hips in time to the music. His breath was warm against my neck and I swore I could feel his heart thumping against my back. 

"You're so tense Z, loosen up babe," I giggled, turning around and putting my hands on his hips, very slowly pushing against them. "Move to the beat... Feel the music." 

I let my arms slide around his neck as his hands found their way to my ass, squeezing ever so slightly as he finally began to move his body in time to the music. As he began to loosen up, I felt myself get warmer and flushed - was I getting turned on? My stomach felt weird and all I wanted more than anything was another body pressed against mine - their hands on my hips as they take what's rightfully theirs from me. I wasn't really sure what being turned on felt like these days - I hadn't slept with anyone since before Rowan was born and it'd been 2 years since I got fingered in the back seats of some random guy's Ford Focus so what I was feeling could have been anything. 

I licked my lips and looked up at Zayn, his crotch flush against of my own as we danced. As my eyes met his, I couldn't help but notice his full lips were parted - he was so  _gorgeous_  and part of me wondered why I'd never even hooked up with him, but as he leant in to kiss me, I happened to glance over his shoulder and see Harry in all his glory; body clad in a sheer black shirt, his tattoos on show, an extremely tight pair of jeans and some  _fantastically weird_ golden boots. Now usually I'd just ignore him but whatever alcohol was running though my veins couldn't help but admire him; moving my head aside, Zayn's lips ending up pressed onto the skin of my neck instead of my lips. The way Harry's pink lips were curved into that devilish smirk as he chatted to a group of girls, and how  _big_ his hand was as it wrapped around a bottle of beer made shivers run through me.

He placed his hand on top of a girl's and I huffed, moving away from Zayn to walk over - ignoring his shouts. Turned on. I was definitely turned on. My whole body was just crying out for Harry to have his way with me. Pin me down. Take me on all fours. Whatever... I just wanted his cock right now. 

I watched as the girl stormed off, my smugness brief before Harry's face fell into a dejected frown - lowering his head a little. I didn't want him to go home alone, I wanted to be the slut he took home that night. As I approached him, I could feel a heat pooling in my stomach as I approached him. After two and a half years I decided that I  _needed_ to get fucked tonight and Harry was the perfect candidate... No strings attached sex, I knew exactly what I wanted. 

I wanted Harry.

 

*******

**Harry’s POV**

As I stood by the bar, I found that Liam wasn’t wrong about knowing my type of girl. I was swarmed by the group he knew from the moment we stepped inside, and I soon found a woman who piqued my interest – exactly how Liam had described, the smug bastard – and chatted her up as her group of friends surrounded us, giggling at everything I said. I wasn’t drunk, I was barely tipsy, but the alcohol in my system was enough to make me confident and forward as I sipped my beer and leaned towards the busty blonde in front of me.

“You wanna dance?” She shook her head and I groaned. Why was nobody and fun?! “Ugh, you’re so boring!” Apparently that wasn’t the right thing to say, because the next thing I knew she was storming off, leaving me to stare at the bar as disappointment washed over me. I was fucking useless if I couldn’t even keep a clearly easy woman interested for more than half an hour.

_Fucking let down. She was only interested in a fuck anyway, you just had to ruin it with the fucking pleasantries… A dance, really?! She sees you in the same way as everyone else: an easy slut…_

I was pulled away from my bitter thoughts by a sharp slap to my ass, and when I turned to glare at the culprit I was met with the blue eyes of none other than Louis, who giggled softly at my shocked face. “Daaayyum!”

I let my well known smirk slip onto my face as I looked down at him. “Hey Lou.”

He looped his arms around my neck and tangled his fingers in my hair, tugging gently. The sharp pull sent tingles down my spine. His smile was drunk, but still made a knot form in my stomach – he was adorable. “Hey Baby…”

I moaned softly as he pulled at my hair again, my cock twitching in interest as he inched closer to me. “You look amazing, sweetheart.” And it was true: he was wearing sinfully tight black skinny jeans that hugged his hips, thighs and ass perfectly, and paired them with a white shirt and a black jean jacket. He looked fucking _incredible_.

“Says you, Harold,” The way he bit his lip and looked up at me through his lashes was enough to get me completely hard. He was such a menace. “God, you’re so sexy…”

Letting my hands wander down to his ass, I squeezed gently, loving the soft moan that left his lips as I kneaded the firm flesh. “This is totally new; I’m liking this affection.”

He stood up on his tiptoes to nip at my jaw, but my hard on waned a little when I smelt the alcohol on his breath. I didn’t know how I’d not realised how drunk he was: looking now I could see how he was wobbling and using me to keep himself upright, his pupils dilated and his cheeks flushed.

“Are you going to be taking me home tonight, Styles?”

 I couldn’t bring myself to even think about taking advantage of him, not while I was pretty much sober and he really wasn’t… I had more respect for him than that. With that in mind, I took a step back and frowned, taking his hand in my own.

“Back to your place to make sure you sleep, yeah.” This wasn’t me. What the fuck was I saying? It was very clear to me that Louis was confused by my tentative rejection as well, because he took to pouting and whining like an angry toddler.

“Harryyyyy…” He dragged out the ‘y’ before pulling me back into his chest with a surprising amount of force for someone who was so small and so drunk, kissing me with a bruising force and pulling on my hair. I allowed myself to indulge in the moment just for a while, kissing him back with equal force and just letting the feeling of his lips against mine wash over me. Kissing him was everything I hoped for, and I rutted my hips against his at the sound of the whimpering moans that left his mouth, giving me an opportunity to slip my tongue into his mouth. It was at that point where I came crashing back into reality, the taste of alcohol overwhelming my senses and reminding me that, yes, Louis was willing to kiss me and come back to my flat with me, but he was under the influence when I wasn’t, and that was wrong.

“As much as I’ve been wanting to kiss you ever since we first met, I’d rather do it when you’re sober.”

It seemed to strike a nerve as Louis gripped my shirt in his hands, his eyes – how had I not noticed how beautiful they were? – glazed over with unshed tears. “Why don’t you want me anymore?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever _not_ want you, Lou…” I admitted softly. I felt my heart fluttering and my stomach churning, and for some strange reason I felt like I was going to vomit from nerves. I wasn’t meant to see Louis like this, to see him as someone vulnerable who was worth more than a drunk shag… I was meant to take him home, it would be a _wham, bam thank you, ma’am_ job and then he’d go back to his flat and nothing would change… But I couldn’t do that. “But I don’t want to do this when you’re drunk.”

“Please…” His voice was barely a whisper as he gazed into my arms, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest at the thought of making him so sad with a flat out rejection, so I slipped off a chain from around my neck and placed it around his instead, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

“I got this dog tag when I was 16, my mum thought it was more thoughtful than a watch or a car…” I saw him looking down at the small, engraved ‘H’ in the corner and smiled softly. “I never take this off unless I’m swimming or in the shower, and haven’t done since I was given it… This dog tag means the world to me, and right now, so do you. So trust me when I say that giving you this is my promise to _always_ be there when you need me, whether we sleep together or not… Now I’m going to take you home and cuddle you until you fall asleep, and then I’m going to make sure you don’t choke in your sleep… When you’re over your hangover tomorrow, ask me again and I promise I’ll say yes.”

“I-I…” He rested his forehead against mine and his eyes fluttered shut, his breathing shaky and sharp. “Harry, I want you so bad… Never wanted anyone so badly…”

“Trust me, Sweetheart…” I stroked the soft skin of his cheek gently. “I know how you feel… But not now, it would be so wrong of me.”

He leant into my touch and honestly, I couldn’t tell whether I loved it or whether I wanted to chop my own hand off, “I’m not that drunk,” He captured one of my curls in his fingers and pulled it gently, just playing with it gently. “I want this.”

My eyes wandered over his shoulder and I saw a group of guys who were clearly Louis’ friends watching me like a hawk, clearly waiting to see if I was going to fuck him and chuck him like they expected. I couldn’t do that; I couldn’t prove them right… If I wanted Louis in the way I thought that I did, then I needed to impress his friends as well as him… If they didn’t support me, then I had nobody.

“Louis please…” I kissed his forehead. “I won’t do it until you’re totally sober.”

It was almost as if I’d flipped a switch at that point, because one moment Louis was clinging onto me, and then next he was shoving me away, storming out through the crowd like a child who’d been told no, his friends and myself all watching with wide eyes. I made my way over to them, barely paying attention to their face as I kept my eyes glued on Louis.

“I’m going to take him home and make sure he doesn’t choke on his own puke… No funny business, I swear.” I didn’t stay long enough to see their reactions, simply running after Louis who was sat on the curb with a scowl on his face, taking long drags from a cigarette. Normally I found smokers really unattractive, but there was something about the way that his lips wrapped around the butt of the cancer stick and the way that his cheeks hollowed as he took a drag that made the completely disgusting act thoroughly erotic.

_Feelings… You have feelings._

“Piss off if you’re not going to fuck me,” I had to restrain myself from laughing at the way that he looked like a grumpy kitten, instead choosing to pluck the cigarette from between his lips and place it between my own, taking a drag for myself and then stubbing it out with my toe as I exhaled. “Someone else will.”

“Someone will take advantage… Plus they wouldn’t fuck you as well as I can tomorrow.”

“I want someone to fuck me _now_ , not tomorrow.”

“Louis, look at me.” I crouched down next to him, still taller even at floor level.

“Do you know how long it’s been, Harry?” He looked up at me and my breath caught in my throat. “Two and a half years… I want to be fucked _now_ , don’t you get that?”

“Louis, God, you have no idea how much I want to get you into my bed… But you’ll just walk away thinking that you’re another drunk fuck, but you’re _not_.”

“I don’t care, Harry… I want to be a drunk fuck…” He sighed and rolled his eyes, “I’m just going home.” But his journey was stopped before it even started, because as soon as he stood up, he fell straight into a lamppost. People around us chuckled at the spectacle, but I just groaned, walking over to where he was leaning against the pole and grabbing his waist.

“You know what? Screw trying to reason with you… Home isn’t too far away…” And with that I threw him over my shoulder, trying to ignore how his ass was very, _very_ close to my face. “Now you fucking listen to me while you’re there. You mean more to me than that. If I have sex with you it’ll be when you’re sober and asking for it, and it won’t be a fucking one-night stand. You’re worth so much more than that.”

His tiny hands pummelled my back but I just tightened my hold as he wriggled. “Put me _down_!”

“No! I’m taking you home and you’re going to have some water and go to sleep.”

“I hate you Harold…” His voice went very low, and very quiet, and I couldn’t make out what he said next, so I ignored it.

“If hating me is what it takes for you to not make a massive mistake then I guess I’ll have to live with it.”

“But you _want_ to fuck me! When you do it doesn’t make a damn difference! Come on, Styles, I want to rattle that damn headboard!”

“Fucking hell, Louis.” I groaned as I practically groped his ass in search of his keys when we got into the lift, nearly cheering when I found them and pulled them out of his back pocket. His response was simple enough as he pushed me against the wall as soon as I set him down on his feet, tugging on my collar with a desperate whine.

“Just kiss me… Please?”

I could let myself have that much, couldn’t I? It wouldn’t have made me selfish just to indulge in the feeling of his lips against mine if it didn’t lead to anything more, not if I was in my right mind and able to push him back, which I most definitely was. I felt a little twinge of guilt when I nodded, but just held onto the realisation that I’d wanted to hold and kiss Louis for a fairly long time, and that made me feel less awkward about complying. “No sex though…”

“Whatever.” He pulled me down into a desperate kiss, his lips working frantically against mine as he pulled me as close to him as he could. Our whole bodies were flush against one another, and I could feel his heart thumping just as quickly as my own was – the only disappointment was that mine was because I was finally kissing the enticing man who lived across from me, whereas his was from the alcohol and from struggling against me as I carried him. His little teeth nipped my bottom lip before his tongue soothed the sting, my lips parting and allowing him a short moment of dominance before I took over, my hands firmly gripping his waist as I spun us around and pushed him against the wall. If there was one thing I learned about drunk Louis that night, it was that he was very handsy, and that was made clear as day when he slipped his hands into my back pockets and groped my ass, bringing our crotches closer together and grinding against me. Heat coiled in my lower stomach and I was only a few seconds away from grabbing his ass before I came to my senses and pulled away, panting as I tried to catch my breath.

“Fucking hell…”

“I’m not fucking done with you.” It was just as he went to kiss me once more that I sighed with relief, the lift doors pinging open and giving me the opportunity to pull Louis over to his front door.

“Come on, drunkass, let’s get you into bed.”

Speaking of Louis, he began to pat his back pockets in a search for the keys that I’d already taken from him. “Fuck!”

“I’ve got your keys, babe.”

“… When? How?”

“When we were getting into the lift, sweetheart.”

He held out his hand like a petulant toddler. “Gimme…”

“No way, Drunky…” I quickly unlocked the door and shoved him indoors. He snatched the keys from me and threw them into the bowl on the side before kicking off his shoes and flopping onto the sofa and sobbing into his hands.

“Baby…” I sat down next to him and sighed, rubbing his back softly. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I… I-I’m so alone…”

“You’ll never be alone, sweetheart…” I ran my finger along the chain that hung around his neck. “I promised you that I’ll always be here, didn’t I?”

“NO YOU WON’T!” He sobbed harder. “O-Once you f-find out you’ll f-fuck off like them… N-Need you to fuck me before that can happen.”

“Louis,” My voice sounded as strained as I felt, my heart clenching in my chest. “No matter what you’re keeping from me, I will _always_ be here for you, okay?”

My heart swelled as he shook his head, bundling himself in a throw and hiding his face from me like an ostrich hiding its head in the sand. I hated myself, really hated myself, for fonding over him the way I was, but I’d finally reached the point where I didn’t care about it anymore. I _liked_ Louis, I wanted to take Louis out on date after date and find out his life story before asking him to be mine. I wanted him to smile when he saw me and know that he wasn’t thinking of me as a whore, but as someone who trusted and cared for him.

With that thought firmly embedded in my head, I scooped him up bridal style – blanket and all – and carried him down the hall, cradling him firmly to my chest. “Which one’s your room, boo?”

He buried his nose in my shirt and I barely resisted the urge to coo. “… Farthest one on the left.”

“C-Can I stay the night?” My heart was thumping quickly and erratically against my chest simply just from how close he was, and I tried as hard as I could to ignore it, the tingles shooting up my arms from where our skin touched were difficult to dismiss. The small man in my arms nodded before dozing off, allowing me to lie him in bed and strip him down to his boxers before tucking him into bed and doing the same to myself, opting to lie on top of the covers instead of underneath them just in case he got the wrong idea in the morning.

“You’re so fucking perfect, Louis…” I sighed, but all I was met with was adorable little snuffles as he burrowed he was under the covers, only the top his head poking out. I ran my fingers through his caramel hair, slightly damp with sweat but still soft to the touch, my hands trembling at our close proximity. “I’m fucking screwed.”

As I continued to card my fingers through his hair, Louis leaned into my hand, and my breath caught in my throat at the thought of him reacting to my touch even in his sleep. I curled up behind him to give him as much warmth and comfort as I could, and held my breath as Louis curled back against me, gravitating towards the warmth even though the draught blowing through his room giving me goose bumps. “I’ve never wanted anyone in the way that I want you…” I whispered.

 _But he doesn’t want you, Harry… You’re nothing but a slut to him_.

_Nothing…_


	6. Chapter 6

** Chapter Six **

**Louis POV**

I rolled out of bed the next morning with an insatiable thirst for more alcohol instead of a hangover, so rather than just ignoring it and trying to remember what happened the night before, I called Zayn over - who to my delight showed up with a bag of weed. He looked almost as hungover as I did but somehow still looked like a Greek god. My bed looked like someone had spent the night and made the left side of it before they left but I tried not to ponder too much on that as Zayn set up all the stuff he needed to roll us spliffs. 

I opened up the balcony doors as not to hotbox the flat as he rolled us some joints, running my hand through my hair. I set down a few beers on the coffee table before lighting the joint and taking a long drag - letting the familiar warmth course through my lungs. 

"Mum would kill me if she knew I still smoked this shit." I chuckled, taking a large swig from my beer as I leant back against the sofa, the joint resting between my fingers as I looked at Zayn.

"I think my mum has given up caring." He smiled, blowing his smoke into the air. 

"She didn't care before but I've got a kid now, it's not exactly good parenting is it?" I quipped, reaching under the sofa to pull out my favourite bottle of vodka - the beer not quenching my thirst.

"Well she's not here now babe, so it doesn't matter!" He cheered. "Who looked after her last night anyway?" 

"She's not moving in until tomorrow." I explained, taking a much too large sip of the vodka, coughing a little before I immediately brought the joint up to my lips and leant into Zayn's side. 

"You got trashed at the bar last night, go careful." He hummed, cuddling up to me, his free fingers running through my hair, not seeming to care it was greasy as hell. 

"I barely remember any of it, Mr Heston really got to me... I just wanted to forget about work for a while y'know?" I said. "Seems to have worked."

He pressed a chaste kiss to the top of my head and pulled me closer into his chest, allowing me to sink into his sweater clad warmth. "What happened with the curly haired guy?"

"What curly haired guy…?" I frowned, my hand coming up almost instinctively to wrap around the dog tag I didn't even realise was there. "... Harry?" 

"You got very needy with him..." He mumbled, the jealously in his voice hard to ignore. 

I paused for a moment to try and remember what had happened the night before but it was mostly a blur after the first two hours... I wasn't even sure how I got home but the minty taste in my mouth had certainly implied someone else had their tongue down my throat because I  _definitely_ didn't brush my teeth. Was it Harry? Did I make out with Harry? My eyes flickered down to the dog tag necklace around my neck, noticing a tiny  _H_ engraved into the corner.  _Harry brought me home_. 

"He's my neighbour, you know the slutty one?" I explained, flinching when I called him a slut. I didn't think that little of Harry... I was honestly just jealous because he had sex and well, I didn't. It'd been far too long. "I'm just desperate to be fucked and I thought he'd do it but apparently he had a conscience that night so just... He brought me home and I think I kissed him? But he tucked me into bed. Didn't fuck me though... It's been like 2 and a half years and the most I've had is being fingered by some bloke I don't remember the name of." 

"You know I'd fuck you, Lou." He hummed, leaning back against the sofa - usually I'd scoff at such a comment but my brain was a complete fuzz; the combination of weed and vodka messing with my system which is how I ended up straddling Zayn's lap.

"Is that an offer, Z?" I smirked, lazily draping my arms over Zayn's shoulders.

I knew full well that Zayn was fully aware of my kinks, every single one. We often indulged in telling each other our weirdest fantasies when we got high but this time was  _different_. I hadn't ever mixed vodka with weed before and everything was blurry. I barely registered Zayn taking our clothes off or the grunted  _baby girl's_ and  _princess_ 's that I usually enjoyed so much - not even his face was clear as he had his way with me. The sofa smacking against the wall. 

My brain wasn't even processing what was happening to me. All I could think of was Rowan... I know it wasn't an appropriate time to think of my daughter but this fuck was about as pleasurable as the one I had with her mother. I wasn't high then but I was drunker than I'd ever been before and I'd managed to convince myself that the girl beneath me was some cute boy in order to stop myself throwing up. Back then I had a point to prove... I wasn't allowed to be gay.

A few years ago, there had been two other members to our group... Oli and Calvin. We hadn't really been aware of just how bad these two were. Zayn had been the first to come out and they did a very good of making his life hell without Niall, Stan and I realising. It wasn't until they started suspecting  _I_ was gay that the shit hit the fan. They had told me that if I didn't hook up with their friend, Georgia, then I must be gay and that meant I deserved to rot in hell with Zayn and they were more than happy to put me there... Nine months later, I was a father. At first they assumed that meant I was straight but I came clean. If it weren't for Stan and Niall, I wasn't sure I'd still be here - they beat me to a pulp. We haven't spoken to them since. 

I was drawn out of my thoughts as I felt Zayn's hand tug on my length, reminding me of the fact I was actually in the middle of getting laid.  _Whoops_. I let my mind fill with every dirty image I could in order to cum fast, not wanting to offend Zayn. I blinked a couple of time to try and focus on the blurry figure above me but luckily his face was buried into my neck so he couldn't notice the fact I couldn't really enjoy this. Not that it was  _bad_... I've just never been this buzzed in my life. 

It must've worked because he moved away a few moments later to grab wet wipes. I frowned a little as he easily cleaned me up - was he not as high and drunk as me? I tried to rub my eyes to bring myself back to reality and my eyes landed on the clock.

"We were up all night," I managed to croak out, praying that wasn't the first noise I'd made - hoping my subconscious had been eagerly moaning as Zayn took what he wanted. "I need to go pick up Rowan soon." 

"You need some water first," I heard him hum, his voice sounding like we were underwater, as a glass was pushed into my hands. "Drink up."

I drunk slowly as he pulled his clothes back on, my eyes flittering round the room. Unlike in front of me on the coffee table - where there was a half drunk bottle of vodka and the remains of two joints, Zayn had only seemed to have smoked half of his first joint. I shook the thought of him taking advantage of me out of my head long enough to pull my trackies on. 

"You going to walk me out like a gentleman?" He smiled, his voice almost  _smug_ even though there was no one around to boast to. 

"Yeah, yeah." 

I walked him across the room and opened the front door, my head still a bit fuzzy. He gave me a smile before pulling me in for another kiss that I wasn't expecting so my hands pressed against his chest to move him away from me. But Zayn was determined and I was still weak from being intoxicated.

What had I gotten myself into?

 

*******

**Harry’s POV**

I don’t know why it didn’t take me longer to realise that every time I put the bins out, something bad happened. This time, it happened when I was trying to haul the bin bags to the lift so they were ready to be sent to the bins outside. I had barely stepped out of the door when I heard Louis’ own front door opening, his voice melding with another unfamiliar one as they stepped into the hallway, both too consumed in their own little world to pay attention to me. I couldn’t help but grimace at the overwhelming smell of cannabis wafted out of the door – oh great, _stoners_ – the stench stale and cloying as the tanned man noticed me staring and winked, lightly pressing his fingers to a large, purple hickey he’d so obviously placed on Louis’ neck. I recognised him as one of Louis’ friends from the club the night before, and couldn’t hold back the deep scowl that took over my features.

_See, he didn’t want a slut like you, he wanted someone **better**._

It was just as I noticed the hand shaped marks on Louis’ hipbones that the bags in my hands slipped, falling to the floor with a soft thud, a few empty tins clanging and echoing loudly across the hallway.

“Shit.” I cursed, looking up at the two men in front of me and praying to any divine being that neither Louis or his _friend_ had seen me. I was lucky that they hadn’t in a sense – I don’t think I could have lived through the embarrassment of being caught watching them – but then again I was also seriously unlucky, because the moment I looked up I saw Louis’ friend kissing him passionately and my heart shattered in my chest. The feeling of heartbreak, though, was minimal compared to the anger it was replaced by when I watched them… And I mean _really_ watched them. While the tanned _God_ was forceful and dominant, Louis was weak and limp, stumbling over his feet with the grace of a new-born lamb, his palms pressed against his friend’s chest as he struggled slightly against the force of the kiss. The stumbling reminded me so clearly of the way that he was falling into my arms the night before, and I repressed a growl when I realised that Louis was not only high, but completely fucking plastered, and that his friend was obviously far more clear headed than Louis.

 _He might think I’m disgusting, but at least I never took advantage of him like that filthy bastard he calls a friend_.

I moved forward to yank Louis away, but my toe caught on the doorframe and I fell forward, the items in my arms toppling to the floor with a ridiculously loud crash that could have woken the dead. All eyes flew my way and Louis’ friend’s smirk didn’t waver as he slapped Louis’ boxer clad ass once more, walking towards the lift with a spring in his step.

“Bye Lou, see you soon.” He called, winking at me once more as I crouched to pick up my things.

“I’ll see you around, Z. Give Nialler my love if you see him before I do…” His eyes zeroed in on me and he slowly padded across the small distance between us, biting his lip and playing with the dog tag that hung around his neck, clearly having not been removed since I gave it to him. Shows how much I meant to him, right? “Need me to carry something?” He asked softly.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt…” I snapped before sighing, running my fingers through my hair. I’d immediately regretted snapping, the sad look on his face making the feeling even worse; it’s not like it was _all_ his fault, was it? He didn’t ask to be taken advantage of, did he? I softened my tone and frowned up at him. “Sorry, I’m just being an asshole… Could you maybe grab the other bin bag for me?”

His smile was warm and earnest as he nodded and did as I asked, “Cleaning up, are we? Expecting some company, Harold?” While Louis’ tone was playful, his words were far from it, hitting me like a slap in the face, leaving a lingering sting in their wake.

_He thinks you’re cleaning up before you’re having someone over to fuck… Told you he thought you were a slut…_

“No, I’m not.”

“Just having a bit of a tidy then?” Was he joking or was he seriously oblivious to _everything_? “Can’t blame you… I should probably clean up at my place; Zayn always makes a right mess…"

I glared at a patch of dried come on his cheek like it was personally offending me – it kind of was – and tried not to let my voice sound too bitter – to no avail. “Oh yeah, it looks like it… I’d wipe your face before you get a rash.”

“… Oh, uh, thanks?” I bit my lip as his Adam’s apple bobbed, showing me that he was swallowing heavily… I’d made things so awkward, I was so stupid. “… Need help with anything else?”

_He wants to get away from you… Creep._

“No…” I decided to spare him the awkward rash and threw him the small pack of wipes that I always kept handy. He smiled gratefully as we walked back towards our flats and wiped the tacky fluid off his face, and I couldn’t help but let a shit eating grin spread across my face as the visible trace of _Zayn_ was wiped away, the only trace he’d ever been near Louis being the mainly fading love bites scattered over his chest and neck. We stopped in the middle ground between our two apartments and shuffled our feet nervously, the silence both awkward and deafening. I jumped and let out the least manly squeal when Louis took me by surprise, pressing his soft lips to my cheeks whilst tugging gently on my dog tag that hung around his neck like a mark of ownership.

_You fucking wish, mate._

“Thank you so much for last night.” His voice lingered in the corridor as he darted back into his flat, leaving me with nothing but intense tingles where his lips had made contact with my skin.

What had I gotten myself into?


	7. Chapter 7

** Chapter Seven **

****

**Louis POV**

I leant against the fence as I waited for the doors to open, a cigarette between my lips. I'd dropped Rowan off at the local playgroup, just to help build her social skills, and I'd arrived way too early to pick her up. The reason I don't usually bring her is because I can't afford it but I understood she needed to be around kids her own age so this was a twice a month thing... And I honestly hated it. 

Any time away from my baby was too much time away. 

I sighed and stamped my cigarette out underneath the toe of my shoe before heading up the path into the building, hugging her coat to my chest. Another bad thing was that the head of the playgroup,  _Frank_ , was always trying to get me to bring her daily and tried to guilt me into it. But I just couldn't afford it. 

"Daddy!" Rowan squealed, padding over as soon as I stepped into the room, allowing me to crouch down and pull her into a hug. "Miss Daddy lots!" 

"She was right in the centre of attention today." Frank chuckled as I slid her coat on her and zipped it up, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. 

"Why's that?" I asked, scooping her up into my arms so she could snuggle up into my chest, her tiny fingers playing with my own zip. 

"We drew family portraits today…" 

"Oh, was she okay? Did you answer? Did the other kids ask a lot of questions?" I asked in quick succession, nuzzling my nose into her hair, making her let out a soft giggle. 

"I managed to quickly change the conversation but she's going to have questions, I'm so sorry... I didn't think about it." He sighed.

I shook my head and we said our goodbyes before walking out of the building with the tiny girl in my arms. She looked up at me with curious eyes and smiled like she saw her entire world in me and that... That reminded me why this was all worth it. This tiny person put all her trust in me and her entire life centred around  _me_. I lifted her up into the air and made aeroplane noises - her little face lighting up. 

"Daddy!" She giggled, flailing her arms around. "Rowan airplane!"

"That you are princess, that you are…" I grinned, lowering her down so I could strap her into her car seat before climbing into the driver’s seat - being one of the only residents of my building with a car meant insane parking privileges and once the man two floors below found out I had a little girl he was more than willing to park further away. "So, do you have any questions after playgroup today?"

"All other boys and girls were drawing man and lady and other little people..." She said, her voice curious. "Why only Rowan and Daddy?" 

"I will explain it more to you when you're older but your Mummy and I aren't in love and she was too busy for a baby, so I decided that I would look after you." I smiled, starting up the engine.

"Will Ro have new Mummy?" She asked, hugging her bear to her chest as I passed it to her. 

"No bug, Daddy doesn't like mummies. Daddy likes boys." 

She let her eyes trail over me a few times as I drove before nodding and turning her attention back to her bear. I let out a sigh of relief and sunk into my seat - imagine how easy life would be if everyone accepted people being gay  _that_ easily. Just with a simple nod. As I pulled up outside the building, I tried to climb out of the car but she fisted her tiny hand into my shirt which she could just about reach. 

"Ro hope daddy find boy that make him happy as daddy make Ro," She beamed, before letting go of me so I could hurry round the car and scoop her out. "King Daddy deserve knight in shiny suit." 

"Thank you princess, are you okay with having two daddies?" I hummed, putting her down beside me so she could toddle into the building. "Instead of a mummy and a daddy?"

"If daddy number two is as good as my daddy then I'd want a million daddies!" She giggled, leading me into the elevator. "But if it just stay Ro and Daddy... Won't be sad, cus you all I need." 

"And you are all I need, princess. You're the best thing that's ever happened to daddy and don't you forget it," I hummed, crouching back down to her level after pressing the button for our floor so I could kiss her nose. "Ro and Daddy against the world, we're a great team aren't we?" 

"The goodest!" 

I unlocked the flat and held the door open so she could essentially sprint over to her pile of toys that I kept in the living room for her. A soft smile found its way on to my face as she picked up two teddies, that I believed to be called Fred and Limbo, and made them hug each other - mumbling to herself that they'd both make great daddies someday. My cheeks heated up as I sat on the sofa, just watching her play. 

Until she was born, I never knew just how much one person could mean to me. I thought I loved people before, that I'd die for people before... But this was different. The centre of my universe was sat right in front of me playing with her toys, the cutest smile on her face. It was hard at first, all the early mornings, dirty nappies and potty training, teaching her to talk and walk... But it was so worth it. Everything she was, will be, I get to help shape that... Help her become the best person. 

"Daddy?" She piped up, holding Limbo towards me, a clear invitation to come play. 

I slid off the sofa and down next to her, taking the purple bear from her and sitting him down in front of my lap. She grinned at me endearingly before pulling a little blue bear out from behind her back. "Limbo and Fred are daddies too!" 

"Is that so, little rose?" I chuckled, moving Limbo so he could wrap his arms around the little bear, hugging it to his fluffy chest, 

"Yeah, but they gon' need daddy teaching from the bestest daddy ever!" She giggled, wrapping Fred around limbo and the little bear. "Will you teach them Daddy?" 

"I'd be honoured, bug... But I'm worried they'll be better daddies than me!" I gasped, putting my hand over my heart, making her scramble into my arms like her little life depended on it and take my cheeks in her hands - pressing a slightly sloppy kiss to my nose. 

"No one ever be better daddy than my daddy," She said, her voice soft, before holding up her little finger. "Pinky promise."

I curled my pinkie around hers and grinned before tickling her, her little body squirming as she giggled. 

I am the luckiest person in the entire universe... And even if everything goes to shit, if I have my little rose... Everything will be okay and that was the only thing I'd ever be certain of. 

****

***

****

**Harry’s POV**

“Fucking hell, you’re so _huge_! How did you even fit?”

I smirked down at the small man writhing underneath me, pounding into his tight heat like there was no tomorrow. I was plastered, for lack of a better term, and I couldn’t remember the colour of the man’s hair, let alone his name. Granted, it was barely past midday, and that was hardly an acceptable time to be completely off my face on any type of alcohol I could afford, but I really couldn’t be dealing with the thought of Louis shacked up in his flat with his precious _Zayn_ , fucking him whilst wearing _my_ dog tags.

“Guess you’re not as tight as you said you were,” I grunted in his ear. “Little slut.”

The twink bared his throat, but even through my drunken haze, I was disappointed by the pale complexion I saw. I wanted to see smooth, tan skin exposed for me to kiss, suck and bite, not the skin I was seeing now. My vision cleared as the stranger wrapped his legs around my waist, my heart dropping in my chest when I felt how thin and undefined they were – my imagination full of thick, meaty thighs and curved hips. The caramel hair that I so often pulled in my dreams – yeah, I dreamed about him, who wouldn’t? – wasn’t the same as the hair of the man beneath me, the latter being dirty blond and buzzed close to his head, impossible to run my fingers through, let alone get a fistful of. There were no curves to grab, no tattoos to trace my tongue over, no stubble to give me beard burn… I was a disappointed mess.

“Hey…” I looked down at the guy again. “Are you gonna fuck me or should I just leave?”

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t realise that I’d stopped my thrusts, still balls deep in the stranger who was pouting heavily… _Still not as cute as Louis_.

“Sorry…” He glared at me, pushing me off him and yanking on his clothes, storming out of the flat with a disgruntled groan, leaving me to yank the condom off and lie back on the bed, not even thinking about finishing what I’d started.

_Stop thinking about him, you idiot… He doesn’t want you, he’ll **never** want you… Slut._

I buried my face in my hands, pulling my knees to my chest and just _sitting_. The silence was far from comforting as I drowned in my thoughts, but the silence was far from long lasting as giggles and thumps from across the hall became louder and louder. Louis’ laugh was ecstatic, a high pitched cackle that would put any witch to shame, and all it did was make my chest hurt more, the noise so care-free and happy and _absolutely nothing to do with me_. My mind was torn, two little voices in my head arguing like petty children.

_Of course it’s nothing to do with you, he doesn’t even see you as a proper friend, he just sees you as someone who’s willing to shag him when he wants; you’re nothing important to him._

**_But who’s he laughing with? What’s he doing?_ **

_Does it matter? It’s clearly not with you._

**_Well, it does, but-_ **

_Does it really?_

**_Of course it doesn’t! He just… Ugh he’s so fucking cute… Why can’t he be cute around me?_ **

_Why do you even give a shit?_

**_I don’t bloody know!_ **

I was such a mess… And I didn’t know how to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short filler - hope you enjoyed!
> 
> All the love x


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liam's POV was written by BabyStylins0n FYI :D

** Chapter Eight **

****

**Louis POV**

I found myself swirling whiskey around in a small glass as I sat in a bar - Niall had insisted on having some quality 'uncle Neil' time with Rowan so I yet again found myself daughterless for the night... And in another bar. As I lifted my eyes, they landed upon a muscled man with beautiful deep brown eyes, his own drink in large muscled hands. He seemed to notice me as well because he slid across one seat so he was sat beside me.

"Hi there." He quipped, looking me over with a smirk. 

"Hi... You here alone?" I purred, beckoning the bartender over and leaning forward a little so I was closer to him. 

"My mate ditched me to wallow in self-pity, you?" He chuckled, running a large hand up and down his muscled bicep, his snapback perched on the top of his head. 

"Was home alone, wanted to change that... Can I buy you a drink?" 

"I'm pretty sure I should buy you one." He grinned, allowing me to lean forward even more resting my chin on the top of my hand so I could smile coyly at him. 

"Well, I'm in the mood to get fucked so buy me whatever you think will do that quickest." 

"I don't need to buy you one at all then, you're gorgeous." 

I took a moment to really eye up the stranger in front of me - take in every feature of him. He had a gorgeous smile and his eyes reminded me of a puppy. They contrasted quite starkly from his athletic body that strained beneath his muscle tee, arms that could easily pin me down on the bed... Or against a wall. God he was  _gorgeous_. Not like Harry though... Harry was god like... Beautiful... I shook my head and bit my lip - placing my hand on top of his. 

"Then what are you waiting for?" 

He let out the sexiest grunt before practically dragging me out of the pub and hailing a taxi... Finally, a lay I'm going to remember.

 

***

****

**Harry’s POV**

A few weeks after the hallway incident, I began to realise that being attractive enough to get away with having constant one night stands instead of thinking about Louis was more of a curse than a blessing. I hated how conceited I felt when I thought that, but in all honesty, it was true: I was picking up one person a night every night and bringing them home, not to mention the quickies in club toilets (yes, those really happen), and not only was I exhausted – gratefully so, seeing as I was too tired to let my mind dwell on thoughts of Louis – I was also spending a _ridiculous_ amount of money on condoms and lube. It was a common misconception when it came to me really; people would accuse me of being STD ridden just because I slept around, but I was absolutely meticulous about protection. If I didn’t know someone then I couldn’t trust them, and there’s no way I’d ever fuck someone bare if I didn’t trust them. 

So that was the reason that I was traipsing towards the pharmaceutical end of the supermarket as I toiled through my weekly shop, knowing full well that it would be easy as pie to grab a box of condoms and shove them in my trolley under the copious amounts of vegetables and out of sight until I reached the checkout. I stopped in my tracks, however, when I turned the corner into the aisle and saw a familiar head of inky black hair in front of me.

_Oh **great** , Zayn’s here… Lucky me._

I let my eyes wander over his figure, the broad shoulders, slim hips and generally skinny build making me quirk my eyebrow up in confusion. What did he have that I didn’t? What was it about him that appealed to Louis so much? Louis seemed like the type to really enjoy being thrown around and generally feeling _small_ , but Zayn was so slim built where Louis was curvy, there was no way he had a general size advantage over him.

_That’s because he gains an advantage by getting him paralytic first._

I grimaced as I remembered the glazed look in Louis’ eyes when he approached me, and I could practically smell the stale stench of weed once again as I narrowed my eyes, glaring at the man in front of me, who was trying to choose a lube without a care in the world, literally whistling a happy tune as he shopped. My glare only intensified as I made my way towards him, slamming my shoulder against his as I passed.

“Oops?” I shrugged, putting on the most blatantly fake innocent expression as I looked down at him. His eyes met mine, and a malicious smirk tainted his features. _Ugh, he’s too fucking pretty._

“Harry, right? Louis’ neighbour?” _Yeah buddy, and your worst fucking nightmare_.

“That’s me.” My glare was still harsh, but he didn’t flinch away as he dropped some condoms and lube into his basket. His face was smug, and I wanted nothing more than to smack the look right off his face.

“Sorry about before… Louis’ a loud little thing.”

“I wouldn’t know,” I leaned over, encroaching on his personal space as I grabbed a box of large sized condoms, a smug look settling on my face when he noticed the sizing label. “Not yet, anyway.”

“Not yet? Not ever, mate!” Zayn laughed and the sound was bitter, like a slap to the face. “You lost your chance the other night… Because guess who he came to instead?”

“I rejected him because I respect him, asshole… I didn’t take advantage of him like _you_ did, I respected him not to use the fact that he was off his face for my own gain.”

“Oh please, we’re talking about the same Louis who got fingered in the back seat of a car by some guy whose name he can’t remember. Drunk Louis _knows_ what he’s letting himself in for.”

I growled at his ignorance and clenched my fists. Louis deserved so much better than that asshole. “I’m not going to be the dickhead that takes advantage of him, Zayn, because it seems like you’ve taken up that role. He may think very little of me, and that’s my own fault, but he means a lot more to me than a drunk fuck.”

“You should have gotten him high as well then,” I felt bile rising up my throat as he laughed, clearly not caring about the way he’d treated his so called _friend_. My chest was aching and I was trembling on the spot, barely able to contain my anger at the ignorant man in front of me. “It’s how I finally got myself a piece of that ass. You missed out big time… Rode me like a good little slut.”

I pushed him away from me, resisting the urge to hit his stupidly pretty face. “You’re fucking disgusting.”

“But he _likes_ it; he loves being humiliated. But I guess you wouldn’t know that, would you? Because it’s my dick he wants, not your crusty, overused one.”

“He wasn’t saying that when he was begging to fuck me.” I pointed out. My hands were aching with how tightly I was gripping the handle of my trolley, but I didn’t dare let go, because I was very, _very_ likely to punch Zayn in attempt to make his face a little less pretty.

“Well who is he fucking now that he’s come to his senses, huh?”

I scoffed. “His senses? Mate he was so off his head that his senses were non-existent. Tell me Zayn, how does it feel to be the sick bastard who essentially raped his best friend when he was too intoxicated to give valid consent?”

“I know everything that happened between you two that night, and he still didn’t come back to you, did he?” I looked down at the floor. The smug bastard was right, and I hated how much that hurt. “You left his bed that morning expecting a sober little Louis to come running to your door and let you fuck him. But he never came… Why? Because he called me instead.”

“So you’re saying he asked for it, are you? You’re one sick bastard, Zayn, and you need to back the fuck off. You’re acting like you’re so much better than me, but I’m not the one who took advantage of Louis when he was completely smashed.”

“And who are you to stop me?!” Zayn rolled his amber eyes with disgust. “If Louis wants sex, I’m going to give it to him. You’re just his slutty neighbour that wants to use my best friend for his own pleasure… He told me what you did to that couple.”

My mind flew back to before Louis had moved in, lingering on the memories I made with the people who occupied the flat before him. It was a rough time for me, there was a lot of horrible shit going on with Ethan – who’d decided to try and worm his way back in – and so I set out to forget in the only way I knew how. In that sense, I was quite lucky to be living opposite a bi-curious man and his sexually explorative wife. On the other hand, I was considerably unlucky in the sense that neither of them wanted their other half to know about us, so I was literally their dirty little secret.

_Slut._

_Just his slutty neighbour._

_Overused dick._

_Dirty little secret._

_Drunk fuck._

“That was before…” _Before I met Louis_.

“Before what? Before nothing, mate. You’re still just a slut, Harry. Louis won’t ever want you, he’s got big enough things on his plate. He doesn’t really need the added worry of a whore boyfriend, does he?”

_You’re still just a slut, Harry._

_You’re still just a slut…_

_Just a slut…_

_A slut…_

_Slut._

_Slut._

**_Slut._ **

“I…” My eyes welled up with tears and I frowned, wiping away the treacherous bastards. “I guess you’re right.”

I thought I’d hidden my tears well but Zayn seemed to soften just a little at my statement, sighing quietly. “… For your sake I wish that Louis’ life was easy… But he’s not his main priority and he never will be. What Louis needs is security, you could never give him that.”

“I _want_ to give him that.”

“I doubt you will when you find out what he comes with… most guys just run when they find out that Louis is only half of a package deal.”

“I don’t care what he comes with, I think he’s perfect no matter what.”

He seemed to be making a habit out of sighing. “… Tell me that again when you find out and I’ll believe you. It’s easy to say those things before you even know.”

“I’m a sure thing when it comes to Louis.” And I was.

“This isn’t just about Louis…” Zayn looked down at his phone with a small smile. It was probably Louis. “Look I’ve really got to go. If you’re really the sort of guy you say you are, fucking act like it.” And then he was gone, leaving me alone with a trolley full of unnecessary crap and a head full of dangerous thoughts.

 

_You’re still just a slut, Harry. Louis won’t ever want you._

*******

**Liam's POV**

I carefully shut the door behind the stranger from the bar, sending him out with an almost shy wave. He'd been a good fuck, and even better company. I'd never got his name but he had made me laugh and managed to bring up my mood after being rejected ( _romantically_ ) by Harry. Who, despite that, I felt the overwhelming urge to call to see how he was doing after he left last night. 

"Hey Li..." He mumbled sleepily, I could almost imagine the way he rubbed his eyes like a sleepy kitten, an endearing pout on his face.

"Tired, love?" 

"Mhmm hmm... I did fuck all last night except eat my weight in pizza and ice cream, I'm not entirely sure how," He chuckled softly, the sound of him shifting on the sofa in my ear. "Good night?"

"So, so good. I scored after you left." I said, smiling to myself a little, pinching my bottom lip between my fingers, hoping he wasn't offended that I left with someone.

"Ooooo!"  _Okay not offended._ "Get you. Was he hot?" 

"So hot. Little thing he was, but his ass was the meatiest - couldn't grab all of it in my hands." I essentially moaned, letting my head roll back on the sofa as I bit my lip.

"Sounds like Louis," He groaned in response. "Tiny, ass like Beyoncé." 

_Shit._

"Is your Louis guy brunette? Baby blue eyes…?" I asked quietly. "... From Doncaster?" 

"Please tell me you're joking..." He whimpered, I could just picture the pained look in his eyes - the way they darkened ever so slightly and the way his brow creased. 

"I swear I didn't know..." I panicked, slapping myself for being so  _stupid_. Of course it was bloody Louis... Just my fucking luck that I sleep with the guy that my crush has a crush on. It's like the world hates me. 

"Yeah whatever," He huffed, before his voice got wobbly and I could just tell he was shaking, crying now because of  _me_ and how stupid I was. "It's like he'll give anyone a chance but me. Fuck you, Liam." 

"I'm coming over, you need cuddles." I responded quickly, slipping my feet into my shoes - planning on fixing Harry's bad mood the only way I knew how without fucking him.  _Cuddles_. Harry would never tell a hook-up or any of his other friends this but he's a cuddle monster, he loves being held... He likes being the little spoon too. 

"No I fucking don't, piss off." He hissed, his voice sharp.

"Yes you do, I know you Haz." I replied, my soft voice starkly contrasting his, trying not to break down as I walked out to my car, my hands shaking a little. 

"You can get to my house but I won't be there. I'm going to go out with some  _actual_ friends." He laughed bitterly as the first tear rolled down my cheek, pausing long enough for me to slide my back down the wall outside my building in shame. "But you're more than welcome to knock on  _Louis'_ door." 

"Harry... P-Please, I didn't know it was him," I sobbed, my breathing shaky. "I-I'm so, so sorry I promise." 

"You  _still_ did it Liam..." He sighed. "Come by later, okay? I just need some to think and before you ask, because I know you will, no I don't hate you. I never could." 

"I'm sorry..."

He hung up the phone and I buried my face in my hands, tugging at the short strands of hair at my scalp. The tears were failing to stop and of course it was my luck that it started raining. I'm a bloody idiot.

 

 _He's never going to want you now_.


	9. Chapter 9

** Chapter 9 **

****

**Harry’s POV**

The bass thudded and the tacky strobe lights flashed obnoxiously as I lounged at the bar, sipping leisurely at my drink as I scanned the crowd for potential one night stands. There were people dancing and grinding against each other left right and centre, but there wasn’t a single one of them who appealed to me, not in the way that-

I shook my head, ignoring the thought of my neighbour which was threatening to emerge. It wasn’t a night that I wanted to spend pining over a man who thought nothing more of me than a man whore who slept around; it was a night to – ironically considering the fact that I hated Louis judging me for exactly what I was planning on doing – find someone to take home and distract myself from feeling inadequate again. There were plenty of blonde, big chested women milling around my general area, the sort of women that Liam would instantly set me up with if he had the chance, but in my mind they just seemed bland and unoriginal, with the same tight dresses and too orange fake tan to be appealing. I was about to give up and go home, my mind flitting to the thought of a less than satisfactory wank to some porn – which may or may not involve a small brunette with a big ass – when a small hand was placed on my shoulder, making me jump out of my skin.

“You look lost, darling…” A small voice giggled in my ear, and I turned to see a small man smiling at me with amusement, his eyes crinkled with delight. My heart skipped a beat at the expression on his face… It was exactly how _Louis_ looked when he smiled at something he thought was hilarious.

“Not lost,” I let my face slip into a confident smirk as I raked my eyes over him – his thighs and hips were thick and wide and his chestnut hair swept across his forehead in a swooping fringe to rival my neighbour’s. “Just waiting for the ideal person to find me.”

His voice was soft and high, and if I closed my eyes I could have imagined that it was-

“Well what if _I’m_ that person, hot stuff?” I was pulled away from my thoughts by the small man pushing himself closer to me, and I had to fight my face from falling when I realised that he was a lot taller than I had first thought, completely different from the height I’d wanted him to be.

“Then maybe…” I leaned down and pressed my lips to his neck in an attempt to distract myself from the disappointment I was feeling, snaking my arms around his waist. “You should let me take you home so we can get to know each other a little better?”

“That sounds like an offer I couldn’t possibly refuse, sweetheart,” I squeezed his ass gently, narrowly avoiding being caught with a heavy frown on my face at the realisation that it was far from as meaty and firm as I’d expected, “So why don’t we jump in a cab and head back to yours where I can get more…” His small hand squeezed my crotch gently, making it twitch in interest. “ _Familiar_ with you.”

“That sounds wonderful, sweetheart…” I’d barely finished speaking before he’d dragged me out of the bar, my heart falling even further – how was that even possible? – when the change in lighting completely altered his appearance. His hair, which had been caramel and soft was actually far darker, closer to black than brown, and styled meticulously with enough product for me to be able to tell that it wasn’t going to be pliable under my fingers. His eyes, which had been a wonderful mixture of blue and green under the lights of the club, were actually hazel with strong flecks of green. He was _nothing_ like I wanted him to be… Nothing like _Louis_.

But maybe that was exactly what I needed.

**~*~**

The moment we stepped foot through my front door – I didn’t cast a longing look at Louis’ flat, not at all – the guy from the club, who told me in the taxi that his name was James, had me pinned against the wall in the hallway with my jeans and boxers around my ankles and my cock halfway down his throat. The feeling of his tongue working over my sensitive tip was heavenly, and so much better than the last resort wank I’d had planned, but I kept feeling the ever close shadow of disappointment threatening to ruin the moment with the realisation that it wasn’t Louis on his knees for me, and probably never would be; so I took to closing my eyes and throwing my head back, losing myself in the sensation and vision in my head of my oh-so-tempting neighbour with my cock in his mouth, doing exactly what James was doing, just being far more erotic as he did so. I could easily picture him on his knees, deep throating me with his pretty blue eyes watering and looking up at me through hooded lids.

“Oh fuck, baby, you’re so good…” I could feel the heat of my impending orgasm building until I couldn’t hold back my moans, no longer mindful of who could hear me. “Oh fuck, _LOUIS_!”

The door slammed open beside us just as the warm heat left my cock, the sudden lack of contact staving off my orgasm as my eyes flew open and caught sight of Louis looking around the room frantically.

“Harry are you o- Oh my god…” His eyes flew to my boner which was hanging hard and heavy before travelling to James who was glaring at me. “You… I thought you were in trouble!”

“He is in trouble!” When he was stood next to Louis, I could really see how much he paled in comparison to the real thing, and I was disgusted in myself for trying to distract myself with a low rate copy. “Fucking bastard, my name’s James!”

I kicked off my shoes and jeans, yanking my boxers up and running into my living room, the door slamming shut and Louis laughing softly not making me feel any better about the sinking feeling in my stomach that came with being caught in such a fucking _slutty_ position by the one person I didn’t want to see me as a slut. I daren’t look at Louis as he approached me, just burying my face in my hands as he sunk down onto the sofa next to me.

“… You alright love?” How was he so _nice_? Was he made by angels or was this just someone’s way of torturing me as karma for being such a disgusting person; making it so that I ended up living next to the most perfect person in existence but making him unattainable to me. I could do nothing but sniff to hold back my tears as he pulled me into his warm embrace. “Come here, sweetheart... It’s okay.”

“I’m so fucked up!” I flinched at the way that my voice cracked at the end, but could do nothing more than sob on his shoulder.

“No, no… Don’t say that.” I couldn’t help but lean into his touch as he cupped my face in his small hands and wipe my tears away with his thumbs before pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. “… You just need some help figuring some things out, don’t you?”

“I…” It was time to explain my actions, I could feel it. “Every time I feel an emotion that I can’t handle, I go and fuck a stranger… No wonder Zayn called me a slut.”

“Woah, wait, when did you talk to Zayn?” He sounded worried, probably because he knew that I’d seen the two of them.

“A couple of weeks after he walked out of your flat far soberer than you were despite clearly having fucked you senseless…” Once I’d started, I couldn’t stop, biting my tongue was near impossible when I was so angry with the way that Zayn had treated Louis.

“Damnit… I’m sorry, Haz…” He tried to pull me into another hug, but I wasn’t having any of it, and shoved him away.

“No. Don’t you act like you’re sorry for doing something that you weren’t even clear headed enough to consent to. It’s not your fault that you were too shit faced to tell him not to take advantage of you. You should be sorry for fucking my best friend last night though, because no matter how much you pretend to care, you still did it.”

“The brunette from the bar meant nothing to me, and as for Zayn, since when is it any of your goddamn business? I can fuck who I want to, Harry, I’m not yours!”

My heart ached a little in my chest at that, because he was so right, but that wasn’t what got me annoyed, it was the fact that he was so willing to let Zayn essentially rape him like he did. “Since you seem happy to give anyone a chance with you as long as they’re not me! Fucking hell, Louis, you were off your face and Zayn was basically sober and that’s _rape_! How can you stand there and say that it’s none of my business when I’m the only person here who hasn’t treated you like a fuck toy?”

“Listen to me right now, Harry…” Louis stood up, his eyes blazing. “Zayn isn’t a rapist. He’s my best fucking friend and he has _always_ looked out for me, ever since we were small, which is a damn sight more than you’ve ever done for me. How fucking dare you accuse my best friend of raping me when you have no right to get involved at all? You’re trying to act like the better person when Zayn had sex with me because he likes me, not because he’s some stupid _slut_ who can’t keep it in his pants.” I flinched as he spat out the word _slut_ like it was a disease. I couldn’t listen to him anymore, I just needed to sleep or cry or something that didn’t involve listening to him yelling at me.

“… Get out.”

“Wait, what?”

“I said get out. Liam’s coming over for a movie night and I can’t stand to watch you two fawn over each other… Go get high with Zayn or something, see if I give a shit whether you let him use you or not.”

He stalked towards the door. “Oh fuck you.”

“That’s not going to happen though, is it?” I tried to make my laugh sound bitter, but I just sounded sad, my voice far softer than I intended for it to be. “Because you’ve got Zayn to keep you high and occupied as his personal sex doll.”

“Believe what you want, Harry, but Zayn is a comfort to me, and I don’t want you to do something you’d regret; like me… I’m just something you’d regret. Just go back to fucking your sluts.”

“Maybe I will… But they’re just regrets; something you’d never be…” My heart ached with the sincerity of my words, but my hands were trembling with anger at the way that he was just so _willing_ to let people take advantage of him. “I don’t expect you to understand, Louis, because let’s face it; you don’t know me and you can’t tell me how I feel… If you knew me, you’d get it and maybe you wouldn’t be such a little bitch.”

Louis’ glare intensified as he stormed into the hallway, “Just leave me alone, slut.” He snapped as he slammed the door shut.

And this time I didn’t stop myself from breaking down and sobbing… I was _disgusting_.

 

*******

**Louis POV**

I held Rowan tightly to my chest as we watched TV - the volume turned up much louder than it needed to be to cover up the incessant noise coming from Harry's flat. Ever since the blowjob incident a few days ago, he'd been having non-stop loud sex and I was so done with it. After storming out of his flat I'd quickly come to realise that Harry was in fact in the right and I'd been a massive twat... But me being me, I was far too proud to say that to his face and apologise - so now I had to face the consequences. I was honestly just grateful that Rowan didn't care or else I'd be in deep shit trying to explain it to her. 

As I looked down at her, I smiled fondly at the happy look on her face as she tried to sing along to the movie; I'd put on the little mermaid (one of her favourites) and she seemed to be having the time of her life - clapping her tiny hands along to the beat. But my happiness was brief when there was a hard knock on the door. 

I slid her off my lap and walked over, slowly pulling it open to reveal a rather  _distraught_ looking Zayn. I frowned and let him in, leading him to the bedroom as not to disturb Rowan watching the TV. It'd been a couple days since I saw him last and I was beginning to worry that he'd been avoiding me but there was clearly something else on his mind. His usual God-like complexion had gone dull and he even had  _acne_... Zayn Malik doesn't get acne. There were deep bags under his eyes and his hands were shaking. He let out a sad sigh and rubbed at his eyes, prompting me to place my hand on his knee as we sat on the edge of the bed. He was clearly struggling to get out whatever he had to say and part of me felt like I already knew what was coming.

"Z..." I said softly, making his whiskey coloured eyes lift to finally meet my own. "What's going on with you?"

"... I-I fucked up" He mumbled, running a hand over his face. "Louis, I took advantage you... And that's not okay." 

"Zayn it's fi-" I began, smiling at him in a friendly way, only to have him jump off the bed and take a few steps away, tears brimming in his eyes, shaking his head frantically as he clenched his hands by his sides to stop them from shaking, his usually styled hair falling in a limp fringe across his face.

"No it's not, Louis! _I raped you_!" He sobbed, his whole body shaking as he paced around the room before he finally stopped in front of me. "I-I'm so, so sorry a-and I know nothing I could ever do could ever, ever fix what I did but I'm going to try... I-I'll do anything... I-I just need to make th-this up to you..."  

I sighed and sunk into the bed a little. "Are you only saying this because of Harry? Because I know you talked to him." 

"No, no, no!" He squeaked, kneeling down in front of me, taking my hands in his. "He... He just made me realise that what I'd done was horrible... I realised I was such a bad person... I-I'm..." 

"Look... I stood up for you the other night when Harry said you sexually assaulted me because I didn't want to believe it…" I mumbled, my thumb brushing across the calloused skin of his hands as they ever so carefully squeezed mine, "But, he's right... I won't lie…" My eyes lifted and I saw that his face had fallen even further, as if hearing me admit was the final nail in the coffin and that this was it. "What you did was wrong but you know that, you've apologised and you're going to improve yourself as a person." 

"Yes, yes of course... I-I don't want to be  _that_ guy. I want to be a good guy... I-I want whoever I end up with to b-be  _proud_ of me... N-Not for them to see m-me as a monster," He cried, letting his head fall into my lap, letting my fingers card through the dark hair. "I-I'm so sorry, Lou..."

"It's not okay, but I forgive you." I hummed, knowing that this wasn't something to be taken lightly.

We sat in quiet for a while, the only sound in the room was Zayn's quiet sobs and shaky breaths as he tried to recompose himself. I let out a sigh of my own and slumped back against the bed, my back hitting the soft mattress with a light  _thump_. I knew I'd messed up big time when it came to Harry, because he had been  _right_ , I was just far too scared to admit that even someone like Zayn could take advantage of me like that... I could always see the way he flinched when I called him a slut and I felt awful for saying it but his reaction... Well...

 "... Harry is driving me up the damn wall Z, I don't know what to do," I piped up, making Zayn move his head from my lap. "He seems to be having sex 24/7 and... I just... Ugh..." 

"You wish it was you don't you?" 

I snorted and propped myself up on my elbows to narrow my eyes at the man at the foot of my bed, "No, don't be stupid. I want him to stop for Rowan's sake." The look that followed that statement was one of pure disbelief so I let myself fall back on the bed and rub my eyes in frustration. "Fine I want it to be me but I don't want him to know that I want it to be me"

"But I thought-" 

"I know what I said before but I can't exactly help it... He's so gorgeous I... I don't know. I just want to at least  _try_  y’know? Have my turn with him even if it's only once. He must be good…" I rambled, only opening my eyes when I felt Zayn lie down beside me. 

"Then go over and pretend you're not there for sex but then get him so riled up that he fucks you..." He chuckled. "It shouldn't be too hard since he obviously wants you as much as you want him. "

"You want to go out for a bit? Get Ro away from the noise?" I asked, trying to change the topic - because as much as I did want to sleep with Harry, I didn't want to remind myself of how stupid the idea was... I felt like I was going to give him the wrong impression even if I did pretend to go over for something else. "... Please?" 

"I'd love to but I'm going over to Mum's tonight. I can stay here for a bit longer if you like? And then I'll take those damn boxes you've left lying around out to be recycled.” He chuckled.

I smiled and sat up on the bed, grabbing the fluffy blanket from the top of my bed and leading Zayn back to the living room where Rowan seemed to be so entranced by the film that she had barely noticed we'd left. I let out a noise of relief when I heard nothing but quiet coming from across the hall after a door was closed - whoever was going in was clearly not there for sex this time. 

My arms wrapped around my little girl’s body as I scooped her from the floor and back into my arms, wrapping the blanket around her, Zayn and I; the two of us singing with her as she smacked our legs with too much enthusiasm. Her singing turned into soft giggles when Zayn and I sang ridiculously loudly and awfully, swaying in time to the beat. 

"Daddy and uncle Z silly!" She giggled, clutching her Flounder teddy to her chest with an adorable little smile, her eyes twinkling in the lights of the film. 

I fished my phone from my pocket as it buzzed and turned the brightest down before I saw I had a text from none other than Liam, or as he was inappropriately named  **Hot guy from Bar**.

 

**Hot guy from bar:**

Hi, it's Liam. We need to talk about... Stuff

 

**Me:**

Uh okay, what's up? 

 

I pinched my bottom lip as I saw Liam typing, oh the convenience of both of us having iPhones. I knew that he wanted to talk about Harry and  _us._ Even though I was sure there was no us. Not that I'd... Oh I'm rambling. I quickly changed Liam's contact name to something more appropriate before he replied. 

 

**Liam:**

I don't think we should see each other again. I know we had a lot of fun and you're great company, but in the long run I don't think it'll do anything but hurt those around us. I hope you can understand? Harry's just very important to me 

 

**Me:**

I get it, I'm sorry for causing a rift. It's a shame. We could've been good friends.

 

I shoved my phone between the sofa cushions and curled up more into Zayn's side. It was just my luck that Liam was Harry's friend... I hadn't thought too much about it but I could've pictured that man being potential good parent for Rowan. He was kind, he was cuddly. And he was just so friendly and inviting. I think she really could've loved him but... I guess I better keep looking. 

And in the meantime... I was sure that Harry would keep me entertained.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Ziam interlude by me, LittleMissAshIrwin :D  
> Apologies for the bad smut :O

** Chapter 10 **

 

**Liam’s POV**

“Lima bean, don’t leave me all alone!” I looked down at my best friend who’d taken to wrapping his arms and legs around my lower legs in an attempt to stop me from leaving after watching two movies that left him a blubbering mess, crying about how he couldn’t have a movie romance because he was so disgusting.

“Harry, love, I’ll come back later but you can’t just cling onto me – I have a life too, y’know?”

“No, Liam, _I’m_ your life now!” I fought the urge to laugh as he pouted at me. “Love me!”

I flinched. “I love you very much, but you need to let me go now, babes.”

“Love you too, Li…” He released his grip on my leg, only to flop down on the floor, staring at the ceiling. “You’ll come back to me?”

 _Of course I will you silly boy_ , I sighed as I looked down at the mess of a man who lay at my feet. _You know there’s nobody I’d rather spend my time with, even if you’re turning into a self-deprecating train wreck._

“Yeah I’ll come back, love… I’ll see you later.” I wasn’t giving him a choice, already at the door by the time that he sat up and smiled at me.

“You’re the best, Liam…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, H… I know…” I backed out of the flat before he had a chance to persuade me to stay, mentally beating myself up for letting myself get drawn into the act of being his shoulder to cry on because of a guy when there was no benefit for me in any way. “Stupid fucking- _Oh shit I’m so sorry_!”

As I was busy calling myself every name under the sun, I hadn’t realised that I was backing into the hallway without looking where I was going, and the next thing I knew I was crashing into someone, sending them and loads of boxes crashing to the ground.

“Oh, fuck me!” The stranger gasped, looking up from where I’d knocked him to the floor to glare at me. Normally I’d be trembling at him and apologising profusely, but one look at him completely stopped me in my tracks… _He was gorgeous_. He looked run down and tired, sure, but his amber eyes that blazed with emotion cut right through me, his lips pink and flushed as he bit down and tried to bite back a yell. His skin was olive toned and pretty – even if it was covered in small breakouts and dark bags – and his muscles were defined. He was _perfect_. I rushed to help him pick up the boxes, blushing as I stammered out a half-arsed response.

“Thanks for the offer but I’d rather help you out with carrying the boxes…” I realised what I said and flushed bright red, and I could feel the heat radiating from my face as I helped him up – _oh God, his hands were so soft_ – so I just busied myself with grabbing some of the boxes. “N-Not that I’m propositioning you… But I would, because you’re hot… Not that I wouldn’t if you weren’t hot because I’m not shallow, but…”

“Hey, hey…” Oh God, his _voice_. “Breathe babe, I’m Zayn.”

My heart thumped erratically in my chest, a feeling I wasn’t used to having around anyone other than Harry. But Zayn, he was just so _pretty_ and – I felt my cock twitch in interest – fucking boner inducing. “L-Liam…”

“Well _Liam_ …” God I could practically feel my cock harden at the sound of my name leaving his lips… I wanted to hear him moan it… _Scream_ it. “Are you heading out of the building?”

_Now’s your chance, Liam. You know that Harry is never going to see you as anything more than a crutch and a brother… This guy is a fucking God and he’s clearly interested in you… Jump at the chance, even if it’s a one-night stand, you need to get over this fucking crush on Harry… Just try._

“I-I…” _For goodness sake, there’s no need to get shy, idiot!_ “I’m about to go f-for coffee actually, do you fancy joining me?”

His gorgeous eyes flickered down to his watch before meeting my own, his eager gaze searing right through me. “Sure, that’d be lovely as long as you’re sure? We just need to squish these and put them in the back of my car, because my friend is too lazy to do it for himself.”

_Really? He was coming out of **Louis’** flat? What sort of small world bullshit is this?_

I settled for just chuckling instead of voicing my frustration, fixing a light smile on my lips. “I don’t know him that well, but it sounds about right for Louis, really.”

“You know Louis?”

I nodded as we headed out of the building and towards his car. “Yeah, we met in a bar and hit it off a while back… And I know his neighbour really well, so…”

At the mention of Harry, Zayn’s whole body tensed up. _Fuck_ , Louis must have told him what he thought of Harry, and if Zayn thought that Harry was an emotionless bag of dicks, then I must have seemed like an emotionless bag of dicks too… _Fuck_.

“Harry, huh…? Would it be wrong of me to assume that you’re like him? Because I sure as hell hope not babe… You seem like a nice guy and I’d hate for that impression to be ruined.”

I frowned a little, naturally feeling the urge to jump to Harry’s defence. It was always so fucking annoying when people assumed that Harry was some emotionless freak who didn’t care about anyone? If people like Louis actually took the chance to get to know him, they’d realise how far from right they were when it came to judging him… It was fucking stupid and I hated it so, so much. It wasn’t fair on him, not at all.

“Harry’s been my best mate for years, and I don’t condone how he acts, but it’s not like he _wants_ to behave the way that he does. He’s actually a really sweet, genuine guy, but he’s been messed around a lot and it’s just the way he copes with his emotions… I’m not like him; I don’t think I ever could be.”

“He told me how much he cares about Louis, but…” My heart sank when Zayn mentioned Louis – it stung to know that there was no way Harry would even look twice at me when someone like him was around – but soon picked up again as Zayn took the boxes from my arms after opening the boot of his car, our fingers brushing and leaving my skin tingling with anticipation. “I’m kind of scared to let someone like him near him, y’know? Louis isn’t just _some_ guy.”

I couldn’t help but smile sweetly at his words, empathising with him completely even if he didn’t realise it. I wasn’t the most academic guy on the planet, but I wasn’t stupid: the way that Zayn spoke about Louis with such reverence, the fond smile that lit up his face and the way that his eyes sparkled with interest at the mention of Louis’ name… It was exactly the same expression that overcame my features when I mentioned Harry… Zayn liked his best friend, but Louis didn’t care… Just like Harry and I.

“You’re right, Louis _is_ amazing… And I know how Haz comes across but he really does care about Louis… More than I’ve ever seen him care about anyone for a very long time.”

“… If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell Harry?” Zayn was scarily serious, his eyes smouldering and his face stoic as he looked at me, biting his lip. “He needs to find out in his own time.”

“… Of course! I’m not his bitch, Zayn, I don’t tell him everything…”

He paused, and I rolled my eyes, patiently waiting for him to move on from his ridiculous dramatic moment and just tell me what he was keeping from Harry. But nothing could have prepared me for the next words that left Zayn’s pretty mouth.

“Louis has a daughter… She’s nearly 3.”

My jaw dropped. “No fucking way.”

But it was true, I could see it in the photo that Zayn proceeded to show me on his phone of a tiny girl – she must have been Louis’ daughter if she was that small, let’s face it – with brunette hair pulled into pigtails and the prettiest blue eyes I’d ever seen, and I’d seen Louis’, “She’s called Rowan, she’s the loveliest little girl…” Zayn’s smile was fond, and I could tell that he adored her. It was something I admired in a man – if he got sensitive and fond when it came to kids… It was endearing. It was actually something that originally made me realise how attracted I was to Harry. A few of our neighbours had younger children around Rowan’s age around the time that Harry was seeing Ethan, and in an attempt to keep him away from that manipulative twat for a few nights a week, I’d volunteer Harry and myself for babysitting, thinking that it would be a small distraction from a problem that Harry didn’t even realise was affecting him… Turns out he was a natural. He loved kids, and they loved him too; his vibrant energy and childlike mentality making them naturally drawn to him. He had such a good way with children and it always melted my heart when he got all soft around them; it was adorable.

“She’s beautiful, she looks a lot like her Dad…” My eyes lit up as I looked at Zayn. “Don’t let him know that I told you this, but Harry is absolutely bloody incredible with kids; he’s a total sap around them… Louis has nothing to worry about.”

“She comes first in Louis’ life, and he’s scared of anyone that could change his life in any way… Like if someone is just a hook-up then it’s fine, but Harry seems to want more and that’s scary for him…” He slipped his phone back into his pocket. “But enough about my moronic best friend, let’s go and get that coffee yeah?”

But I wasn’t finished. “Harry would treat her like a princess… I really want Louis to know that… Our friend Lou has a little girl called Lux, and Harry dotes on he – he’s everyone’s first choice of babysitter because he’ll literally drop everything and put kids first… And coffee’s my treat, okay?”

Zayn held his hand out and waggled his fingers with a warm smile, making my stomach twist with anticipation, my own fingers trembling as I tentatively reached out and linked them with his. The warmth of his hand instantly smothered my own and I couldn’t help but marvel at the way that his fingers were so nimble and slender compared to my own.

“Liam, sweetheart…” Zayn brought my hand to his lips and kissed it softly, making me swoon, “There’s no need to be nervous.” Which was easy for him to say, he wasn’t the one having a minor heart attack as he leaned over and pressed his lips to my cheek.

“Sorry, I…” I could feel the flush rising up my neck and over my cheeks, and I cast my eyes down at my feet. “I’m just not used to being flirted with my men who look like Greek Gods.”

“Well Hercules, you look like a Greek God yourself.”

We stepped into the coffee shop and I inhaled the familiar aroma, getting so caught up in the calming atmosphere that I tripped over my own feet and nearly fell flat on my face, clutching onto Zayn’s arm – he was very well defined – to stabilise myself as he chuckled softly at my clumsiness.

“Sorry babe, I didn’t realise you were going to fall, otherwise I would have caught you.”

“I couldn’t help but fall over…” _Come on Liam, be smooth, you can do this, hit on him like he’s been hitting on you…_ “You’re so hot, I’m just falling at your feet.”

_You’re a fucking idiot, Liam James Payne, an A Star prat._

“That was so bloody cheesy…” The grin on his face showed me that I hadn’t completely fucked up, and I let out a soft sigh of relief. “What do you want to order?”

“Ah, but it made you smile… I’ll have a typical white chick sticky toffee latte please, love.” I handed him my money – more like forced it into his hand – as he ordered for the two of us, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek.

“Do you want to go and find us a table?”

“Sure, but if you come back and try to return my money, I won’t be happy…” I chose to be bold, and kissed his forehead softly, letting my lips linger before pulling back with a fond smile. “I said it would be my treat, so please let me pay.”

I didn’t miss the way that his eyes fluttered closed as I kissed his forehead, and walked away with a confident spring in my step, selecting a cute little booth in the corner of the café where we wouldn’t be disturbed. As I settled down into the plush seat, picking at the hem of the tablecloth, I let my mind wander to where this little date – was it a date? It felt like one – would lead. There was no doubt in my mind that I was attracted to Zayn, instantly so; I was immediately drawn in by his looks and then hooked by his caring personality. The way that I was drawn to him was so different to the slow burn crush I had on Harry that built up through years of constant contact: this thing with Zayn was instant and fiery and I really hoped it would go somewhere special. Soon enough the Greek God in question returned with our drinks, a soft smile on his face as he sat opposite me, handing my drink before lacing our fingers together across the table.

“You better have let me pay, love.”

“I did, I did.”

I looked down at our intertwined hands and smiled, caressing his knuckles with my thumb softly and slowly, “I’ve never met someone as pretty as you…” I admitted quietly.

“Have you never looked in a mirror babe?” He definitely wasn’t backwards in coming forwards, his compliment so blunt and quick that I found myself nearly choking on my coffee.

“I have and I’m definitely not as pretty as you.” My phone buzzed with a text from Harry, but I found myself not caring about what it said, putting my phone on airplane mode and slipping it into my pocket.

“You’re so much prettier…” Zayn paused, clearly thinking about his words as I blushed and fidgeted a little in my seat. “No, pretty isn’t the right word for you… You’re rugged, sexy, hot, _gorgeous_.”

I felt my blood rush south at the way his eyes darkened, his voice so deliciously _virile_ in a way that made me leak precome in my boxers, the damp patch so evident and making me squirm in my seat. I thought that I was being subtle as I crossed and uncrossed my legs, but the way that the tip of Zayn’s tongue darted out to moisten his lips as his eyes flickered to my crotch before meeting my own let me know that I was making my arousal painfully obvious.

“What’s up love?”

_My dick._

“N-Nothing…”

“Li…” _Silly boy, thinking he’d believe you_. “Do you need me to do something for you?”

“I… I…”

_Come on, Liam, don’t say anything stupid… This is your chance to bed the most gorgeous man you’ve ever met, so you need to be smooth. Say something seductive…_

“What is it?” He tilted his head and my heart fluttered.

_Think sexy. Think seductive. Think erotic. Think about Zayn naked in your bed…_

“IcantellthatyoulikeLouis…”

_Fucking idiot._

Zayn yanked his hand away like I’d just kicked a puppy and my heart practically crashed through the floor as one of the most wounded looks I’d ever seen washed over his face, tainting his features but not making them any less perfect. His eyes went from lust filled to sad and dejected, the amber tone dulling to a light brown as he processed my rushed words. I could see his hands trembling as he placed them in his lap, emulating the tremors of my own as I shoved them in my pockets, struggling to breathe through the pain in my chest. I was an idiot, a proper fool, ruining what seemed like a date with a beautiful man just because I couldn’t keep my brain to mouth filter in check, and there was nothing I wanted to do more than to crawl into bed and not move for three days, until Zayn had forgotten my name and I could feel far less ashamed.

“I…” My voice dropped to a whisper, so low that even Zayn could barely hear it. “I’ll go.”

“N-No!” I’d barely gotten up from my seat before Zayn grabbed my wrist to stop me, but I couldn’t look at him, knowing that I’d just feel even more disgusted with myself for upsetting someone so amazing.

“Look, I’ve ruined everything… I don’t want to waste your time when you could easily find someone better to spend it with.”

One moment I was looking down at my feet, and the next Zayn was stood up in front of me, his soft lips pressed against my own in a gentle, caring kiss. It barely lasted a moment, but it was long enough for butterflies to erupt in my stomach and for tingles to shoot right down my spine to my toes. I felt like I was back in high school, kissing my crush for a truth or dare and feeling every sign of going school-girl-giddy, except this held so much more meaning. It was more adult, more passionate… It was incredible… Until Zayn pulled away in a panic.

“I-I… I shouldn’t have done that.”

“What?” My eyes widened with fear. “Y-You don’t want me?”

“No, no, no, Li, there’s something special about you and I refuse to let you walk out of my life but… But I just touched you…”

“Yeah, you did…” I smiled softly, but his face remained sullen.

“No! I touched you without consent, that’s so bad!” He was shaking far more than he was before, and I pulled him gently into my arms and kissed his forehead gently, holding him tightly against my chest so I could feel his heart beat calming down as he relaxed into my touch.

“Zayn, sweetheart, you can kiss me whenever you like without asking, that’s a promise, okay?”

“But-”

“No buts, love. Harry told me what happened between you and Louis, and honestly, while it was wrong, I can see how much you’re torturing yourself over it, over how you’ve done something unspeakable to someone you care so much about, someone you could have feelings for… It doesn’t make me any less attracted to you, okay? I still want this.”

His tear filled eyes widened as he gazed up at me. “R-Really? You don’t care if I’m upfront about that?”

“I guess it means I should be upfront too, right?” I was suddenly very nervous. It was one thing telling Zayn that I was attracted to him, but a completely different story when it came to telling him about my dealings with Louis and feelings for Harry.

“What is it, babe?”

“I’ve err… I’ve fucked Louis and I have a massive crush on my best friend.” The room felt like it was closing in on me as the words left my lips and I found myself not being able to look Zayn in the eye, not knowing whether he would be insanely disappointed in me. Even the thought of him being disappointed in me inspired the same feeling in my chest as Harry’s rejections, and I didn’t think I’d be able to cope with that feeling for any longer.

“Hey… Look at me…” I felt compelled to do as he asked, letting my eyes meet his, deep brown meeting amber as he gently cupped my face in his hand, “I don’t care, okay? We can help each other get over whatever it is we’re feeling towards them… But please tell me that you feel what I feel?” All the hope that had left him when I mentioned his feelings for Louis came flooding back with full force, his eyes lighting up so much that I could have sworn I saw flecks of gold as I lost myself in his gaze.

“Zayn…” I couldn’t help the way that my voice dropped to barely a whisper, turning as soft as my insides felt when I pressed my lips against his in a brief kiss. “You’re perfect, how could I not?”

“How am I this mad about you already?” He rested his forehead against my own, his eyelashes brushing his cheeks as his eyes fluttered shut. “Louis literally never made me feel like this.”

“D-Did he happen to say anything about me after we… Y’know?” I blushed, a cheeky smirk slipping onto his face.

“Only that he got with, and I quote, ‘A god-like Wolverhampton beefcake’” Zayn chuckled, his arms snaking around my waist and pulling us together. I love the lack of distance between us, and I wasn’t even ashamed at the tent in my jeans as I felt his chest against my own, his erratic heartbeat thudding in syncopated rhythm with my own as he pushed his leg between mine, his thick, muscular thigh just a hair’s breadth away from the one place that I needed the most friction, my cock throbbing in its confines as his skinny hand gripped my bicep and squeezed, a moan that was more like a little mewl of contentment when I deliberately tensed under his grip. “He wasn’t wrong.”

“Oh God…” I closed my eyes, inhaling and letting a scent that was overwhelmingly _Zayn_ all over – musky and oaky but somehow fresh all at the same time. “Good reviews then?”

“As long as you’re… _Versatile_ then we shouldn’t have a problem, should we?”

A surge of confidence rushed over me and I smirked, reaching down to grab his ass and squeeze, and oh God, his ass was amazing, pert and firm and the perfect size to fit in my hands and massage, spreading the cheeks beneath his trackies and letting my fingers ghost over his hole. “Well Louis definitely didn’t complain about certain _things_.”

Zayn mewled again, the noise sending tendrils of heat straight to my cock as he pushed his thigh against my cock. I was honestly surprised that nobody had thrown us out for public indecency considering the fact that we were about twenty seconds away from dry humping in the middle of the shop, but I wasn’t complaining, I’d be quite happy to watch Zayn come all over the black tiled floor… Didn’t quite think that was socially acceptable though.

“Are you hiding a beast in those skinny jeans, baby?” Psht, like he didn’t know; his thigh was pressed firmly against my groin, and I was almost one hundred sure that he could feel my cock throbbing against him as he ground his hips forward. Growling lightly under my breath, I grabbed his hand and brought it between us, pressing his palm firmly against the tent that’d formed in my jeans, straining the zipper as I bucked against his hand.

“You tell me.”

One look from Zayn told me that he was enjoying what was going on just as much as I was, the amber of his irises reduced to a thin ring, his pupils large and lust blown as his breathing slowed along with his voice, which had turned husky and deep as he moaned softly. “You got any other plans for today.”

_You said you’d get some things for Harry… But would rejecting Zayn really be worth going to see a guy who’ll never want you? No. It wouldn’t be. So man the fuck up and get your dick up his ass ASAP._

“As of now? Not anymore.”

“Maybe we should make some plans then… Some that involve you coming back to mine?” I felt my cock twitch at the mental image of him riding me, his slim legs bracketing my hips as he worked himself on my cock, using me and writhing on top of me until he came and the smirk that spread across his lips told me that he’d felt it too, his member grinding slowly and subtly against my own. It was hypocritical of me, to tell Zayn that I was nothing like Harry and then go back to his and – hopefully – fuck him, but at that moment in time, I honestly couldn’t bring myself to care. I wanted Zayn, and in a strange way I needed him, more than I needed air to breathe. I could feel my chest clenching and aching at the thought of him being _mine_ and didn’t think to shake the thought out of my head like I would have if it had been Harry.

“I think you should take me to your car then, darling and maybe you’ll get to ride me when we get back to your place…” I tried to ooze as much confidence as I could, when inside I was strangely nervous. The last time I’d fucked someone I was drunk, and so was Louis. This time Zayn and I were sober, and it meant _so much more_ ; I didn’t want to fuck it up. I wanted this to be something that happened again – although at that point I didn’t know whether I was thinking of the date or the very high likelihood of us having sex in the near future… Probably both… But mainly the sex. We reached the car in record time (meaning Zayn nearly dislocated my shoulder by practically dragging me out of the café and back to Louis and Harry’s block of flats, his bony hands gripping my shoulders and pushing me against the side of his car, the coolness of the metal seeping through my shirt and counteracting the flash of heat I felt as he ground his crotch against mine. I slammed my lips against his in a bruising kiss and Zayn licked into my mouth, his tongue assaulting mine as we fought for dominance, turning the kiss sloppy and desperate as little pants and mewls left his lips, making my cock impossibly harder.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard.”

“God,” The words left Zayn’s mouth in a whine, his whole body trembling against mine as I grabbed his ass and slowed the rutting of his hips down to a slow, filthy grind… Just a tease before getting back to his flat. “ _Please_.”

With a final, fleeting kiss, I pushed him away and towards the driver’s seat, clambering into the car and biting my lip as Zayn looked at me with hooded eyes. It was going to be a long drive.

**~*~**

The drive wasn’t as long as I’d thought it would have been, considering the fact that it was typical of Zayn and I to get caught in traffic in our rush to get home – not that I was complaining seeing as it gave me the chance to work him up into a frenzy, sucking him off (was it possible for a cock to be pretty? Because that’s the word I would have used to describe Zayn’s) and refusing to let him come until, by the time we pulled up, he was a quivering mess, begging for me to _‘stop being a fucking tease’_. The ride ended with me smirking as he tucked himself back into his trackies, his kiss swollen lips forming a pout as I laughed softly at him.

“You can come on my cock when we get inside.” At the sound of my promise, Zayn practically sprinted to the building, me following hot on his heels and trying to hold back a fond laugh as he unlocked the door with trembling hands.

“I-I’ve never been so happy to have a ground floor flat...” He muttered, dragging me inside with his hand gripping onto my shirt tightly, using it as leverage to pull me into his bedroom and attempt to push me against the door, which only resulted in me flipping us around and caging him against the sold surface, letting our lips graze against one another as he groaned. “God Li… You’re so perfect.”

“You’re… You’re so much more than that.”

That was enough to rip a moan from Zayn’s lips as he nudged his nose against my jaw, following the touch with butterfly kisses that burned my skin. Mewls left his lips as he pressed greedy kisses all over the exposed flesh, smirking when he felt me shudder at the feeling of his lips against my weak spot and sinking his teeth into it. “You smell incredible.”

His deft hands worked their way under my shirt and pushed it over my head, and I grunted when I felt him mouthing at my collarbones. “Clothes. Off. _Now_.”

Zayn made quick work of removing his shirt, my mouth watering as he exposed his smooth skin to me and my brain going haywire at the thought of tracing his tattoos over and over again with my tongue… And then working my tongue over other areas. “Fuck me, you’re beautiful.”

The next things to go were my jeans and his trackies, and I’d never been so grateful for someone going commando as when his hard cock sprung free of its confines. It wasn’t too long, just over average, but it was thick and girthy, with the exposed, pink head glistening with precome. He was cut, and my eyes widened at the thought of getting my mouth on him; but judging by the breathless pants that left his lips, he wasn’t going to last long, so I settled for reaching out and circling the tip with the pad of my index finger, letting it dip into the slit a little before returning to circling with a feather light touch, prompting little groans to burst from Zayn’s lips.

“You’re such a fucking tease and I hate… _Oh_ …” He trailed off after curling his fingers around the waistband of my boxers and yanking them down, causing my painfully hard cock to slap up against my stomach with a wet _thwack,_ the head an angry red and drooling with precome simply from the casual touches and slow grinding. “You’re… _Wow_.” I wasn’t one to brag, but I was longer and thicker than Zayn, and I could tell that it had shocked him judging by the comical way that his jaw had dropped and his eyes had widened. I mean, I was over average length by at least two and a half inches, and I was thick, thicker than Zayn but not ridiculously so, but – with Louis being an evident size queen and therefore an exception – every time I even got close to hooking up with a guy they’d take one look at my dick and decide that they wanted to top because they _‘definitely wanted to be able to walk out instead of crawl’._

The look on Zayn’s face knocked some of my confidence away, and I found myself blushing, looking down at our feet as I mumbled lack lustre excuses. “I-it’s okay if you want to fuck me instead, I know it’s big and it’ll hurt a little at first…”

“No!” My head snapped up as Zayn covered his mouth, his frustrated shout clearly surprising him as well as me, “I mean… Fuck Liam, you’re huge, but I want that in me as soon as possible…” He kissed me softly. “So fucking big…”

I gripped his ass tightly, like it was the only thing anchoring me, and spread his pert cheeks, rubbing firm circles around his entrance with the pad of my index finger and groaning softly at the whimpers it tore from Zayn’s lips, his fingers digging into my biceps as he tried not to lose it on the spot.

“… You gonna fuck me up against this wall?” His voice had lowered to something that I could only describe as a purr, his amber eyes hooded and lust filled. “Use your big arms to hold me up as you fuck me with the splendid cock?”

His words made me groan, precome blurting from my cock at the intense visual I had, and I tilted my head back to avoid his gaze. I was almost 100% sure that if I looked into his eyes I would come untouched on the spot; I was _that_ turned on. Zayn, however, took that as an invitation to latch his lips back onto my neck and litter the exposed flesh with marks that were definitely going to be a bitch to cover up, his sharp little teeth biting down on the soft flesh beneath my ear, sending tingles straight to my cock and tearing a moan from my lips, “ _Fuck_ … D-Do that again.” I felt myself go pliant under his ministrations, and the smirk I felt against my neck told me that Zayn felt it too, felt me surrendering most of the control.

“You’re going to fuck me against this wall, you hear?” His voice just oozed dominance, and I let the feeling wash over me, looking at him with eyes which must have been as lust filled as his were. I nodded slowly, my head clouded.  
  
“Y-yeah… Gonna open yourself up for me? Give me a little show?” Next thing I knew my back was against cool leather that stuck to my heated skin, Zayn having pushed me into his desk chair and planted a – strangely, considering the situation – kiss on my lips before rifling through his drawers, bending at the waist and giving me the perfect view of his hole, tight and pink, and clenching and unclenching with arousal. My hand flew to my cock and I let out a low groan at the contact, just taking the edge off of the painful hardness I’d been suffering from since we kissed in the coffee shop 

“Are you clean?” My brain was fogged with arousal and I barely registered his words until he was stood in front of me, a familiar foil packet dangling from his fingers.

“Huh?”

“Are you clean? Like do we _have_ to use one of these?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat as he coated his fingers with lube, leaning against the wall and pressing two fingers into his tight heat, my own digits flexing with the need to join them there, “No,” I mumbled. “Don’t need one.”

The moan that left his lips was breathless and wanton as he threw the condom across the room, pumping his fingers and stretching himself with no aim of pleasure, just wanting to prep himself as soon as possible. The sight of the lithe man in front of me with his long, slim fingers inside himself was enough to have me nearly orgasming on the spot, and I gripped the base of my length tightly, wincing at the pressure but relieved at the fact that I would only have the chance to release when I was inside of the beautiful creature who’d allowed me the honour of seeing him so vulnerable.

“ _Liam…”_ The way my name sounded as it left his lips should have been illegal, his voice trembling and sounding so fucked out when I’d barely even touched him, and I found myself willing my orgasm away, my thighs tensing with the effort.

“Fuck, Zayn… Don’t know if I want you to ride me or if I want to fuck you against the wall…” Either were good options as long as I got to have my cock buried deep inside Zayn’s ass, making him scream.

“Want to feel how strong you are, Li… Want you to haul me up by my thighs and fuck me hard against the wall.” His fingers were moving ridiculously quickly now, the gorgeous man in front of me too lost in the pleasure to keep up the clinical way that he was stretching his hole for me.

“How about…” I had to take a deep breath to compose myself before continuing. “You come here and get on my cock so I can slam you against the wall?”

_Simple, yet effective… Good job, Payne._

To put it simply, Zayn was intoxicating, the picture of seduction as he walked over with a deliberate sway to his hips before straddling my waist and covering my length with lube, the wet contact making me wince for a mere second before the shock was replaced with pleasure, Zayn sinking down and taking in the first couple of inches. At first the tight heat was overwhelming, and I had to physically force myself to hold back from just thrusting up and burying myself deep inside him, knowing that it would be far easier for him to take me in at his own pace, I couldn’t bear to hurt him. He sunk down another inch and my hands tightened their grip on his hips, no doubt leaving bruises that would last for days… Good, they’d show that he was mine. When the flesh of Zayn’s ass touched my thighs, I let him rest there and adjust to my size – not bragging, just saying – desperately adjusting to the intense sensations myself, murmuring in his ear about how good he felt, how tight he was, and how amazingly well he was doing. Every so often, it would feel like he was milking my cock, his hips swivelling in a slow grind as he clenched and unclenched around me, his face buried in his neck and a slow smile spreading across his face: I could feel it against my neck as he nudged his nose against the marked up skin.

“You okay, Baby?” I winced at the stereotypical nickname, but I couldn’t help it; here, leaning against my chest as he ground his hips, you could truly see the difference between Zayn and I, how small and lithe he was compared to my hard earned bulk… He just looked so small like that… My baby. Apparently, Zayn didn’t have a problem with the endearment, because he just looked up and smiled, a beautifully fond smile on his face as he moved to rest his forehead against my own.

“… Just feels so _right_.” And it _did_. Everything about this felt amazing, and it felt like we belonged. I wanted this all the time with him, the sex, the intimacy… _Everything_.  
  
“I’m gonna date the fuck out of you." 

The soft moan that brought out of Zayn was more like a whimper, and the sound went straight to my cock. “I-I like the sound of that… Now are you gonna fuck me against the wall or what?”

I growled. “Be patient.”

“Please…” His whimpers turned into whines, and his hip movements became desperate as he rutted against me.

“That’s it baby boy,” I relished in the keen that Zayn let free at my words. “Beg for me…”

Then the dam broke. “God Liam, please use those big muscles of yours to fuck me up against the wall… Wanna feel you deep inside me, stretching me as you pound into me. Please… Please…” He tensed his muscles deliberately then, an utterly filthy move from someone whose voice was so small and innocent. Something in me snapped then, and I couldn’t control he words that left my mouth.

“That’s it darling, beg for Daddy.”

_Way to scare a guy off, Liam. You’re barely inside him for 10 minutes and you’re already breaking out the Daddy kink, see how long it takes before he runs away now… Idiot._

But he never fled, in fact, his tight grip on my shoulders only tightened as he whined deep in the back of his throat.

“D-Daddy… Please…” Well if I could just have that on repeat for the rest of my life, I’d never need Viagra when I was 75, the words going straight to my head… And my cock. I could barely restrain myself when I lifted him by his supple thighs and slammed his back against the wall, fucking into him as deeply as I could and letting the slick warmth engulf me.

“Call me that again.”

The flawless, olive skin of his neck was exposed to me as he threw his head back with a strangled moan. “ _Daddy!_ ”

I took the opportunity to bite down on the soft junction between his neck and shoulder, miraculously timing it with a well-aimed thrust into his prostate, judging by the way that he turned into a quaking mess in my arms, his thighs tensing and his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat. He was beautiful, and only got more so as I thrust up into him like I was an animal on heat, going deep and slow and working myself up to the point where I was fighting the urge to just fill him up.

“You’re so beautiful…”

“N-Need to come.” So Zayn was evidently the same after the teasing I subjected him to in the car, and it was so flattering to know that I had the same effect on him as he did on me, his cock blurting precome at a steady speed now. It would have been so easy to finish him off there and then, to wrap a hand around his slick cock and jerk him until he came… But that was for another day. No matter what I did, he wasn’t going to last and neither was I.

“You can come on just my cock, nothing else.” Those words seemed to be enough to set the gorgeous man off, and when he came, he came _hard_ , the thick ropes of come nearly hitting his chin as he tensed and trembled in my arms, my thrusts slowing as I worked him through his orgasm, groaning as I reached my own climax, the clenching of his ass around my cock practically milking it from me as I filled him up, marking him as mine on the inside.

“W-Wow…” He breathed, burying his face in my neck.

“You’re so perfect, y’know that?” I could feel his face heat up with embarrassment.

“M’not.”

“You are, so perfect, and…” I paused. Was it worth carrying on?

“And what, Li?” He looked up and nudged his nose against mine, and his fond smile was all it took for me to blurt out what I was thinking.

“And I meant what I said when I told you I’m going to date the fuck out of you.” I looked down only for him to cup my face and kiss me softly, his lips working against mine for a brief moment before he pulled back, leaving us both breathless as he looked me dead in the eye.

“I’m crazy about you, Liam… I don’t even know your surname, your birthday, anything… But… I finally feel like _me_ when I’m with you.”

My voice dropped to barely a whisper. “It’s Payne… And I wouldn’t have thought that I’d meet someone as amazing as you today, but I’m glad I did.”

“This sounds mad…” His thumb caressed my cheek and I leaned into the touch. “But I’m going to make you my boyfriend one day, Liam Payne.”

“Let me take you to dinner first,” I grinned at him. “I want you to tell me your complete life story over some ridiculously pricey Italian and _maybe_ I’ll consider being your boyfriend.”

“ _Fine,_ ” I wanted to kiss the overplayed pout right off his face as he dragged out the ‘i’. “Good job you’re cute or I’d be so mad, right now.” I looked down to where we were still joined and barked out a laugh.

“Babe, I still have my cock in your ass, I don’t think you’re in the position to argue.”

“Then get your cock out of me and cuddle me to sleep, it’s your duty now.” I pulled out slowly, kissing Zayn’s nose as he winced before setting him on his feet.

“We’re all messy now.” That was his cue to grab some strategically placed wet wipes and give himself a quick once over, shrugging as he threw the pack to me and I did the same.

“Guess I’ll just have to clean it off the sheets when it leaks out of me, huh?” He bit his lip, knowing full well what he was doing to me, the minx. Well two could play at that game; I mirrored his expression.

“Or I could just, y’know… Clean you out with my tongue when it starts to leak.” I shrugged like it was no big deal, before carrying on. “But later… I want to cuddle you, love.”

He led me to the bed with wobbly legs and curled up in front of me, letting me pull him as closely to my chest as possible. “This is nice.”

“You know… I don’t believe in love in first sight, but this is as close as it’s ever going to get for me.”

He small fingers linked with mine, and I could tell that Zayn was smiling. “Do you believe in soulmates, Liam?”

“I do now…”


	11. Chapter 11

**Louis POV**

I'd been hyping myself up for so long about potentially sleeping with Harry that I'd found myself just not being able to do it. Every time I walked towards the door to leave I found an excuse to stay home a little longer. Like Rowan wanting me to braid her hair or the plants on the balcony needed watering. I was making this out to be a massive deal... When in reality-

Oh who am I kidding, this is huge. I knew this wasn't going to mean anything but sex to Harry but there was a small part of me that wished it would. That wished that after we were done he'd hold me for a little, we'd talk a little... But I knew that wasn't what was going to happen and I struggled to make my peace with that. Especially because my mind had been wondering through all the possibilities of what we could've been if Harry wasn't.. Well Harry. My dreams had been filled... No... _Haunted_ with dreams of waking up to have him beside me, a curl or two stuck in my mouth, or helping Ro get ready for playgroup - tying up her shoes, tying back her hair... And I hated every second of it. As much as I wanted to deny it my brain seemed to think that he means a lot to me... But this was just a hookup. I'm not even sure when I realised I was attracted to him in more than a sexual way but it was just driving me nuts. He wouldn't want me in that way, and I'd made sure to fuck that up by continuously calling him degrading names.

"Daddy, can have pancakes?" Rowan asked, tugging at my leg to snap me out of staring at the front door, "Ro want pancakes"

"We haven't got eggs, bug..." I hummed, before an idea hatched in my head, so I crouched down In front of her and kissed her forehead, "I can pop out and get some, I won't be far away... Can you be a good girl and play with your toys for a while?"

"Yes Daddy, and if Ro need, Ro press down number 3 on phone?"

"Good girl. I'll be back soon."

She toddled over to her toys and I left the flat, locking the door behind me. I paused for moment as I stared at Harry's door, trying to think of a way to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal... I need to treat it that way. Tease him. Pretend I still hate his pretty guts. That way we'll both know it's just a casual fuck... Right?

I stepped across the hall and took a deep breath before knocking at the door, rubbing at the exposed skin of my arms. It didn't take Harry long to answer the door but when he did my heart stopped in my chest a little... He was _gorgeous_. His curls fell in such perfect ringlets across his shoulders, his chest had a slight sweaty sheen to it but what got to me the most was the fact his large hand was down his jeans and he was rubbing at the base of his cock like it was nothing. He leant against the doorframe and quirked an eyebrow as he smirked down at me.

"Oh fuck sake, put your cock away, that's not what I came here for" I scoffed, pretending that I didn't want every thick inch of it lodged down my throat.

"And what did you come here for, babe? My charming smile and winning personality?" He chuckled, his pink tongue darting across his plushy lips as he looked me over - my choice of outfit clearly meeting his approval; fitted black joggers and a white muscle tee.

"Uh... Eggs..." I squeaked, picking at my nails, refusing to meet his gaze - making sure my eyes didn't land on his exposed crotch either.

"Bullshit"

"Nope, need eggs... Want pancakes"

"Well you better come inside then" he said, something in his voice that I couldn't quite place as he stepped aside to let me slide into his flat which was a little messier than mine, and the decor darker... It screamed bachelor pad, which is probably the message he wanted it to give. I made eye contact with him and flushed a little, "Nice place, Harry."

"Thanks, I've had many compliments particularly about the bedroom if you'd like to see it" he said with a wink, making me roll my eyes and snort a little hiding the fact I was definitely intrigued by the prospect of his bedroom.

"Hilarious, eggs please."

As he took a step towards me, I found myself subconsciously stepping back until I was pressed against the door, "Are you sure it's only eggs you came for, darling?"

I took one look at the cocky smirk on his face and narrowed my eyes, knowing he didn't miss the way I swallowed heavily. There was no way I was letting him win that easily so I knew I had to pull out all the stops - tilting my head to the side mockingly, "Why would I want anything from a manwhore like you?"

"I know you've heard me at night and want to know if I'm as good as I sound..." and in what seemed like a nanosecond he had me caged against the door, his arms braced either side of my head as he looked down at me with that same smug look, "I don't believe you're here for eggs for a second."

"Why would I be interested in _you_ for a second?" I replied, lifting my head to narrow my eyes at him - not missing the way his eyes darkened for a moment before I found my hands pinned either side of my head. I had to try not to melt with the way his hands felt on my wrists, they were so _big_. Ridiculously so. And I felt so _small_.

"Because you want to know why there's always so much noise... I've seen you looking, baby, don't try and hide it. You've been holding back for far too long... Causing arguments just to try and trick me into thinking you don't want this" he chuckled, his lips brushing against my jawline, making me shiver before I tried to get free of his grip.

I wiggled desperately to try and get out of his grasp but it was clear I wasn't going to succeed, he wanted this as much as I did, "There's so much noise because you can't keep it in your fookin' pants."

That comment led to him biting down on my neck, emitting a squeal from my throat, "Shut the fuck up, you don't know anything" he growled, grinding his hips against mine roughly, my head rolling back as I bit my lip, trying to keep in any other noise desperate to escape. I couldn't let him know how much he was getting to me.

"I-I know more than you think, Harold" I gasped, my eyes fluttering shut as he found the sweet spot on my neck and began to suck a lovebite into the skin, marking me up as if I was his, "Y-You love control... And you like it hard... Not fast per-say but so hard that it makes you see stars."

He paused and rest his forehead against mine, the warmth of his skin sending shivers through my body, his words coming out a groan, "Look at me."

And I did exactly that, purposefully letting my eyes trail across his body, wetting my lips as I took in every inch of him before my eyes finally met his - the green of his eyes now a thin band, his pupils blown with lust as his breath fanned across my lips.

"I'm going to show you how I like it, baby boy" he purred, making me smirk and lean up so I could whisper in his ear.

"Hit me with your best shot, Harold" I chuckled, "Got a lot to prove haven't you? Bet you're over compensating a little." But before I could make another sly comment I found my hand down his unbuckled trousers with his hand wrapped around my wrist as he held it there.

"I don't know, you tell me..." He grunted, letting go of my hand to allow me to willingly take a hold of his hard cock in my hand and fully free it from his jeans. Damn. Even his cock is pretty. I'd managed to get by all this time picturing he had a tiny cock but this thing is bloody ridiculous. But instead of letting him see the fact I wanted every inch of pounding into me like there was no tomorrow, I decided to continue teasing him.

"Bet you have no idea how to use it."

"Get on the sofa and I'll show you how well I fucking use it" he growled, his lips brushing against my ear, my own cock rock hard in the confines of my trackies, betraying how turned on I was.

I looked him dead in the eyes and whispered, " _Make me_."

As soon as the words left my lips he picked me up by the waist and threw me straight onto the sofa, pinning me down by the hips. "You were saying?"

I giggled breathlessly before smirking up at him cheekily, "Nice position. Missionary? Thought you'd be better than that..."

"Oh sweetheart" he cooed condescendingly, brushing my hair from my face, before his thumb traced my bottom lip as if he was studying it, "If you think you'll be staying in this position you're even more clueless than I thought."

I decided to be even more of a prat by looking at my wrist like I was checking the time and mock yawning, making sure it was as overdramatic as possible. I wasn't sure how long he paused for but just as I'd settled into the sofa a super _manly_ squeal left my lips as I was flipped over - my ass in the air and my face pressed into the sofa. "I won't hesitate to fuck you dry and without prep if you carry on, Louis."

"Are you threatening me?"

I had to surprise yet another squeal as my trackies and boxers were yanked down to my knees in one swift motion, a sharp smack hitting my cheek as he growled. My whole body quaking with the force of the slap. "It's not a threat, its a promise, sweetheart."

A snort left my lips as I began to feel rather over exposed, my ass literally on display as he massaged it between two large hands. "I never knew you were funny behind that dickish personality of yours, Styles."

I felt his finger tip trace over my whole, putting the slightest pressure on it so it didn't go in but enough to drive me crazy. "You think I'm joking?"

Instead of answering, I peered over my shoulder and bit my lip playfully before shaking my ass teasingly at him with the most innocent look in my eyes I could muster. I swore as he pressed the finger in slowly, a gasp leaving my lips as he curled it inside me - it stretched me in ways my own couldn't; they were long and thick whilst mine were short. I knew he could easily reach where I needed him to be but that wasn't going to happen.

"Don't be a fucking tease. Do you still think I'm joking?"

"Well..." I said, swallowing heavily, "This feels like prep to me..."

I whined as the finger was drawn away and I heard the sound of him kicking his jeans off before I felt his cock inbetween the crease of my ass. The warm length was ground against me as a large hand was ran through my hair, "And what does this feel like?"

A shaky breath left my lips but I still found myself saying, "not much" as I gripped the sofa - preparing myself for the intrusion. I buried my face into the sofa as I felt the head pressing right against my ass, so close to being where I wanted it. "How about now, Tomlinson?"

" _Not. Much_."

He leant over me, his bare chest sticking to the fabric of my tshirt - much like it had the first time we'd met but this time it was so much hotter. I bit my lip and ground back eagerly against him.

"You're lucky I don't want to rip you open, otherwise I wouldn't be using lube... But if you think you're getting prep... You're so wrong."

I bit down on my arm and let out a deep groan as he finally pushed into me, the intrusion painful at first but having my arm yanked behind me and pinned to my lower back distracted me from it - not missing Harry's dark chuckle from behind me. "I want to hear you fucking moan, you little cockslut..."

A desperate whimper left my lips as he remained still, only the first couple inches resting inside me. "P-Please..." I huffed, knowing my cheeks were stained a bright red. Finally letting myself indulge in the moment, letting him know what I really wanted, why I was here.

"Please what gorgeous?" He purred, scratching at my scalp like I was some kind of pet.

"Want all of your cock" I whined, making him lean back over me - his lips ghosting the shell of my ear, breath fanning out across my skin.

"So you admit you were lying? Being a little tease to get me to fuck you hard, hmm?"

"Clearly isn't working is it?" I panted, quirking my brow at him as I looked over my shoulder at his face, his brow furrowed, "Because you're not exactly fucking me right now!"

The last word turned into a loud moan as he thrust all the way in, managing to hit my prostate dead on with the first thrust like he'd known where it was from the moment he laid eyes on me. A firm hand was pressed to the back of my neck as he thrust into me, my body shaking as I sobbed with pleasure. He fucked me like it was what I was made for, like we were animals in heat - both desperate for release.

I gripped the sofa, and moaned loud as he slowed his thrusts - still hitting my prostate every single time. "So fucking tight."

As I moaned into the sofa, his hand wound into my hair and I was yanked up onto all fours, my head pulled back as he exposed my throat. "I said I want to fucking hear you."

"F-Fuck..." Was the only word I managed to get out, tears streaming down my cheeks. He pressed all the way in and circled his hips slowly, making me whine out.

"Such a good boy for me... Shit."

I moved my hand to jerk myself off, only to have it slapped away with a growl. "No, you're going to cum like this..." I whimpered and shook my head desperately.

"I-I can't... Harry please! It hurts!"

"You can and you will" he snapped as he started pounding into me like there was no tomorrow, the head of his cock brutally hitting my prostate with every thrust. His fingers wound with mine as I desperately tried to find somewhere to put my hands - his chest met my back and he pressed soft kisses across my shoulders. "You close, baby?"

I lifted my eyes to the coffee table as his phone lit up with a message from _Jessica_. I swallowed heavily as it all hit me, where I was - who I was with, my eyes flickering across the ' _we still on for tonight, baby?? ;) ;) xxx_ '. It plagued my vision for a brief moment before Harry nudged his nose into my neck to bring my attention back to him, his hips still inside me- clearly not having seem the text himself.

"P-Please..." I whimpered, my attention quickly drawn back to my cock which ached with how desperate I was to cum. It hung heavy between my legs and I felt as if was about to burst as he continued to fuck into me. "Harry, I can't..."

"You can sweetheart, I've got you" he said, his voice as soft as silk as he spoke, completely contrasting to the way his hips moved so harshly into me. "You can do it."

And surprisingly... He was right. After a few more thrusts into my prostate I came undone under his touch, my whole body quaking with sheer force of my orgasm as I came hard across the sofa. The way he'd spoken so softly was so domestic, almost like we were a couple as he'd spoken the word sweetheart and had told me that he's got me. He'd made me feel safe to be with him. He let out a guttural moan and came hard - thankfully into a condom I hadn't noticed he'd put on - biting down on my neck, no doubt leaving another mark. I rest my forehead against the arm of the sofa as I tried to catch my breath, wincing a little as he pulled out from over sensitivity.

"Holy fuck" he panted.

A breathless giggle left my lips as I nudged my nose against the soft fabric of the sofa. "So you do know how to use that monster?"

He nuzzled his nose into my hair, the feeling so warm and homely paired with the way he ran his hands over my body. It was only then when the screen of his phone lit up with another text, (this time from _Tom_ which read _thanks for last night, we should do it again x_ ) when my heart completely sunk. I shifted out from beneath him and he frowned.

"Did you want to leave?" He asked softly.

I shook my head sadly before reaching to the coffee table and passing him his phone. "...You have a date or something a-and... I don't want to get in the way."

The look that followed was heartbreaking, as if all the hope in his body had been sucked out. A quite oh left his lips before he was pulling his jeans on and walking into the kitchen - giving me time to slip my clothes back on. His body language was dejected and if I wasn't mistaken his fingers shook ever so slightly as he held the carton of eggs out towards me. "Here's your eggs, I guess..."

"Th-Thank you... For the eggs" I mumbled, before looking up to see his brow was knitted and his eyes were darkened with sadness. A squeak left my lips before I felt the tears burning, threatening to fall. "S-sorry..."

I muffled a sob with my hand before quickly leaving his apartment and sliding my back down the door of my own once it was closed. How stupid am I? The tears rolled down my cheeks as I banged my head back against the door. Why had I even let myself think that this was more than just a hookup? I flinched as the sound of clattering and smashing came from across the hall.

" _FUCK_!" Harry's curses permeated the walls as things continued to smash and break. Rowan flung herself into my arms and sobbed into my chest, gripping onto my shirt for dear life.

"Daddy! Scared!"

"S'okay bug, Daddy's got you" I hushed, jumping as Harry punched a wall. I quickly gathered up her rucksack of toys and helped her into her shoes. "Let's go visit Uncle Niall."

I toed on my vans and clutched her desperately to my chest as I ran down the hall to the elevator, rubbing her back to soothe her tears. I slumped back against the mirrored wall and rubbed my face with my free hand. _God, I've fucked up bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow look my first A/N isn't that exciting. Hope you all enjoyed this section!  
> -Babystylins0n


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourselves

_** Chapter 12 ** _

_**** _

_**Harry’s POV** _

I sat on the sofa with my head in my hands, trying to avoid looking at the disastrous mess that he accumulated in my living room over the past five days. Ever since Louis had turned up, used me and then fucked off, I’d done nothing but sit on the sofa and wallow in self-pity and self-loathing. It was my own fault that he left, because I was just a stupid, dumb idiot who couldn’t fucking control himself when nothing was going his way. He saw the texts on my phone and realised he could do so much better, and I don’t blame him? Who’d want to be with a guy who seems like a slut just because he craves praise and affirmation? I definitely wouldn’t. In fact, if I met someone like me, I’d probably want to punch them.

In short, I felt like shit, and it showed.

Other than to pee, occasionally shower (I let that slide a lot more than I should have, because whenever I stepped into the shower I tended to stay in there for ridiculous amounts of time thinking about Louis, and occasionally life, but mainly Louis and how fucked up I was) and go to the kitchen to get junk food and beer, I never left my spot on the sofa, smashed glass and dented pans - which were the result of my fit of self-deprecating rage - making the floor a dangerous area, even more so considering the fact that they were covered by a layer of grimy clothes that I’d carelessly flung across the room. I wasn’t interested in inviting anyone over, not when I knew that it would make everything even worse than it already was; not that Louis’ opinion could get much worse, seeing as he obviously only turned up at mine for a quick fuck before running away with disgust. Liam had tried to get hold of me time and time again, but soon gave up when I finally answered the phone after three days and screamed at him, calling him every name under the sun until he was a snivelling mess and then moping because I was such a godawful excuse of a friend. It wasn’t like I blamed him or anything, because let’s face it, this was all my fault for sleeping around to avoid my feelings rather than explaining everything to Louis… But I didn’t _want_ to blame myself, so naturally I just took it out on the person who was closest to me, and that just happened to be Liam. Seeing as Liam had told everyone to just leave me alone, I hadn’t had any visitors for the whole time that I spent wallowing in my own misery, so I was _very_ surprised to hear a frantic knocking on my door at half seven in the morning. I ignored it in the hope that the person would give up and fuck off, and for a moment I thought that they had, but the knocking soon resumed so, grumbling under my breath, I trudged to the door and threw it open, revealing a very frazzled Louis.

 _Must be sexually frustrated._ I eyed the eggs in his hand. _Making another excuse to come over here and get fucked before running off again. He’s got you sussed, Styles, he sees you for the pathetic mug you are, and he’s come to walk all over you again._

“What?” I daren’t speak more than one word, because one look at him made me heart shatter in my chest, and I was scared that if I tried to say anything else my voice would crack and show him how weak I was. I couldn’t let him see that, it would make everything worse.

His nose turned up with disgust at the slight smell that wafted out of my flat, but he quickly masked it with a sympathetic expression, holding the carton of eggs out towards me. “… I-I have eggs… To replace the ones that I took from you, as a thank you.”

_Yeah, a thanks for being a twat and letting him use you…_

“A thank you for the eggs or for the fuck?” I frowned heavily, eyeing up the carton in his hand which had double the amount I gave him. “Because if they’re a thank you for a good shag, you might be overcompensating a bit.”

A part of me felt awful for being such a dick to him, knowing full well that I was pushing any chance of him ever tolerating me down the drain, but there was the nagging voice in my head that was telling me how weak he made me, how easy it was to use me for his own pleasure before fucking off back to his own flat with nothing more than a half assed apology. Then, surprisingly, I didn’t feel so bad anymore, even when he squeaked and his pretty blue eyed filled with unshed tears.

“… Th-the eggs.”

“Thanks,” I found myself snatching the eggs from his hand, no doubt crushing them in my bruising grip, but I couldn’t find it within myself to care. “Because I’m _clearly_ incapable of shopping for myself

Louis flinched at my tone, and I softened slightly. Yes, I was pissed off, but did he deserve my attitude? Probably not, really. “… I-I’m assuming that it’d be crossing a line to ask a favour?”

_If by ‘crossing a line’, you mean completely shattering my heart into itty bitty pieces, then yes, it is crossing a line, because no doubt you’re after sex._

“If you want another quick shag, go and find some other willing sucker, I’m not being your fuck toy.”

He shook his head slowly, his face not showing any emotion other than desperation. “I have to go to work in under an hour and everyone else I know is busy and I can’t find anyone to look after Rowan… So can you?” _Who the fuck was Rowan? His pet?_ “I’ll bring her over so you don’t have to leave…”

I rolled my eyes, of course he just wanted me to fucking pet sit, how could I have even started to think that he’d be interested in seeing me for anything else? I was an idiot, and I think he could tell that I was pissed off by the dismissive tone of my voice. “Yeah, sure, whatever… Just stick her in the living room and I’ll make sure she’s fed and all that shit… Not that I should, you’re just lucky I’m so giving.”

Before I could stop him, he leaned forward and pressed a fleeting kiss to my cheek, bouncing on his toes as his eyes lit up, “Thank you, thank you, thank you; it means the world to me! I’ll be back with her just before I leave… Would it be too much to ask you to clean up a little?” His eyes strayed to the shit tip that was my living room, his gaze critical. “I don’t want her getting hurt.”

“Yeah, whatever.” I was far from polite as I shut the door in his face, but I was tired and slightly hungover, and therefore didn’t give a toss about hurting his feelings after he left mine in tatters.

_What kind of pet means that I have to clean my damn flat anyway? I bet it’s some fucking hyperactive puppy, lucky me. And besides, what sort of pet name is **Rowan**? Stupid, pretty man with his stupid, human pet names. I swear I’m going to kill him if it gets fur all over my shit. Why couldn’t he just have a cat? Then it wouldn’t matter if he fucking left it, but the moron just **had** to be problematic, didn’t he? Idiot probably has some prized poodle or something ridiculous like that… No, wait, he’d have something like a Chihuahua because they’re both small and snappy. Oh shit, he’s always laughing and pratting around in his flat… With the dog… He’s always giggling and babying the fucking **dog**! Holy shit, he literally has a dog that he treats like a child… Fuck me, I’m attracted to a pet loving psycho._

I spent nearly an hour tidying after he left, and I could barely recognise the clean room in front of me after I’d removed the chaotic explosion of shite from the ground… In a way I was grateful for Louis telling me to clean up, because it was only after it was presentable that I realised how badly it resembled a pig sty. There was a slightly less frantic knock on the door from Louis this time, and I braced myself for having to deal with a bundle of irritating fluff, my palms sweaty as I slowly opened the door, hoping to prolong the freedom of an empty flat. So imagine my surprise when I was greeted, not by the sight of Louis holding a small, annoying dog, but by the sight of Louis holding a girl who must have been about three, a baby pink, blush bunny clasped tightly in her chubby little hands.

 _A kid. Louis has a **kid**_.

At my sharp intake of breath, she peeked up from where she’d buried her face in Louis’ neck, and by God, I could tell that she was Louis’ daughter, her bright blue eyes gazing up at me with pure, unbridled interest as Louis pressed his lips to her soft cheek. The more I stared at the two of them, the more I noticed just how alike they were: Rowan’s hair, pulled into the cutest little space buns, was the same chestnut brunette as her father’s, and their eyes were identical shades of bright blue with flecks of grey. Her nose was small and like a button, and when Louis whispered something in her ear – probably about work – it turned up with distaste and her bottom lip jutted out, forming a pout that a Kardashian would envy… Yes, she was definitely Louis’ daughter… She was _adorable_.

_Was this the baggage that Zayn was talking about? Fucking hell, she’s gorgeous, how could any guy run away from Louis because of her? But maybe… Maybe he’s straight or in denial? Is he actually really close to her mother? Is that why he hates being intimate with me in any way?_

“Harry, this is Rowan. Ro, this is Harry… He’s going to be looking after you today…” Louis’ voice was soft, and I didn’t blame him for approaching this with caution because he was scared of Rowan getting hurt. He passed her to me and I held her on my hip, my fond smile mirroring his when she reached up and tugged lightly on one of my curls, giggling when it bounced back as she let go. There was a soft _thud_ as Louis placed the oh-so-manly Cinderella bag just inside my front door, and I knew that it was full of toys. “All her favourite toys are in there, she usually naps around two, and I’ll be home before dinner so she’ll only need lunch. You’re an absolute star, Haz… Behave for Harry, bug, I love you.”

“Love Daddy too.” God, even her voice sounded like Louis’. Higher pitched, of course, but with a slight hint of a Yorkshire accent, obviously picked up from Louis rather than being natural. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead softly, with all the tenderness I wanted him to show towards me, before shooting me a tired, grateful smile and leaving, shutting the door softly as he did so.

“Hey Rowan!”

_Good job, Harry, you’re jealous of a fucking toddler. How pathetic can you get? You’re literally stood there envying a child because her goddamn **father** shows her more affection than he does you. She’s his **daughter** you fucking idiot, and you’re nothing but a quick shag to him, of course he’s more loving towards her than you._

“Hawwy sad…” I didn’t realise that I was frowning until the little cutie in my arms tugged on my hair again, the sweetest little pout on her lips. She was perceptive, far more so than her unobservant father, and I couldn’t help but chuckle softly.

“You’re very clever, little one.”

Her eyes – _Louis’ eyes_ – were wide and concerned as she reached up with a tiny hand and patted my cheek, her palm soft and gentle. “How can Ro help? Ro no want Hawwy be sad.”

Her face was crestfallen and it broke my heart to see her looking so sad and broken, because all I could see was Louis’ heartbroken face as he ran from my flat… I needed to fix it. “How about we play some games for a little while, Boo? Seeing you laugh and smile will make me happy.”

“What Hawwy want play?” Her little grin was infectious and I found myself giggling along with her as she poked her little finger into one of my dimples.

“What’s your favourite game to play with Daddy?”

“Daddy and I like colour in the most…” I cooed softly at the way she spoke, and she giggled softly. “Hawwy have colour pens?”

“I have _lots,_ Little Bug.” I was, in that moment, extremely grateful for the time that I went through a phase of calming myself down by using adult colouring books, because I wasn’t lying when I said that I had loads of pens; it was ridiculous really.

“Oooooh! Ro have books, big colour books! You have Daddy’s cause Daddy not here.” She pointed to the neon pink rucksack and squealed with delight, a noise that went straight to my heart and made it swell as I saw the pure glee on her face. If only I could see her father smile like that because of me.

The books were at the top of the bag – clearly Louis had the foresight to know that Rowan would want to do colouring more than anything else – which made them easy to grab and hold up for her approval. “Won’t Daddy be cross if I use his?”

Her chubby hands grabbed at the books and she shook her head, the buns bobbing on her head with the force of her enthusiasm. “Mine purple one, Daddy’s orange.”

I set her down on the floor and she immediately made herself at home, sprawling out on her tummy and kicking her legs in the air as I placed the well-used colouring book in front of her. “Here you go, Boo.”

I thought that the colouring books would bring a smile to her face, but a sad frown replaced her delighted grin when she looked at the orange book in my hands, “Daddy use book in order… But not last night… He colour random one.” And just like that she was done, opening her book and becoming engrossed in her colouring. It figured that Louis was OCD about the order he coloured the pictures in, seeing as he was pretty controlling when it came to most other aspects, like when he wanted to know me. Not that I was bitter. It was just strange that he broke his own rule; what picture could possibly have made that much of an impact?

“Remember which one, love?”

She didn’t even look up as she answered. “Two bunnies. He colour little one blue, big one green… Think he go mad from cooties.”

I smiled softly at the little giggle that bubbled from her lips and flicked through the book until it landed on the page she was talking about, her description being perfect as I stared at the beautifully coloured rabbits on the page; although beautifully coloured was _definitely_ an understatement, seeing as I could barely see the strokes of the felt tip pens like I could when I peeked at Ro’s adorably scruffy scribbles, not a single millimetre of ink seeping out from the lines. My eyes filled with tears – whether they were with slight joy at the sight or sadness, my chest felt knotted and heavy either way – when I noticed the ornate _H_ inked onto the hip of the larger, green rabbit, realising what had happened to make him break his OCD way of going through the book.

_Maybe… Just maybe… He cares? Let’s face it, unless he’s being fucked, he’s a goddamn control freak, so there must be some sort of feeling towards me if it means that us fucking affected his routine like this… Even Rowan noticed, and she’s like three… But why on earth does she think that he has cooties?_

“Where would Daddy get cooties from, bub?”

“Uncle Neil said that the vampire that bit him must give him cooties,” She was still engrossed in the colouring book in front of her, her little converse clad feet kicking in the air as she happily scribbled across the page in a way that was painfully messy, but beautifully endearing seeing as she clearly thought it was a masterpiece. “He got vampire bite on neck, very purple.”

I could feel the heat rising up my neck and settling on my cheeks, and I was very lucky that the little Sherlock wasn’t looking at me. “Oh no, not a vampire! You’ll have to protect him, Ro.”

“That’s why Ro colour big scary lion!” She thrust the book in my face, showing me the lion she’d ‘coloured in’, and I gasped in awe, prompting the most adorable little laugh to erupt from her lips. “And then knight in shiny suit gonna come save Daddy.”

 _A knight, huh? No princess? Maybe the mother_ isn’t _around all that much?_

“No princess for Daddy to look after?” I realised the error in what I said the moment the sentence left my mouth, especially after my brief glimpse into how Louis treated the precious little girl next to me.

“Me! Ro Daddy’s princess.”

I decided to rephrase, seeing as she was so clever that I’d pretty much forgotten I was talking to a toddler. “So if Daddy is the king and Ro is the pretty little princess… Who’s the queen of your castle?”

“… Daddy not want a Queen.” Even from beside her I could see her little button nose scrunch up with distaste, just like her father’s… My heart skipped a beat, how cliché.

“No?"

“Daddy likes boys…”

_FUCK YES!_

“I see…”

Her voice dropped to a stage whisper as she looked at me conspiratorially. “I think Daddy likes vampires.”

Playing along, I leaned in closer, like we were sharing a dark secret, and dropped my voice to whisper not dissimilar to her own. “Why’s that?”

Her conspiratorial expression fell and was replaced by a sad look that broke my heart, the way her bright eyes dimmed reminding me so much of every time I’d fucked up with Louis. “Cause he has bites lots… Ro just want ‘nother King for Daddy, not vampire… Want happy Daddy.”

_She likes you. She trusts you. Ask her if she wants you around her Dad, it’s the easiest way._

“Want me to help you protect him from vampires, Boo?”

One moment I was sat next to her, the next I was being jumped on, Rowan’s full weight winding me and making me fall backwards, the little monkey perched on my chest, her voice soft and delicate. “Please make Daddy happy.”

“I promise I will, Bub… Snack time?”

She nodded, her eyes dropping as she curled up on my chest, suddenly wracked with a scarily intense coughing fit. I felt every bit the panicky parent as I sat both of us up and patted her back gently until the hacking coughs subsided, my heart aching for the small girl on my lap.  
  
“Oh Sweetheart… Poorly chest?" 

“Not feel well…” The poor bean was trembling in my arms, her eyes falling shut every so often. “Can Ro nap?”

I scooped her up into my arms and walked into my room, wrapping her up in the – thankfully clean – sheets and kissing her forehead. “Shout me if you need me, baby girl.”

“Night Hawwy.” She rubbed at her eyes with tiny fists, smiling sleepily at me as I stood in the doorway.

“Goodnight Princess.”

 _You’re onto a good thing here, Styles… Don’t fuck this up_.

**~*~**

It was 5 o’clock when Louis got back from work, and in the hours that Ro had been with me, she’d had two naps, finished ten pages of her colouring book, eaten a little too much chocolate, and learned a massive repertoire of dad jokes to wind Louis up – I was trying to annoy him, sue me. He let himself into the flat just as Rowan and I were dancing around to _Let It Go,_ twirling in circles and singing as loudly as we possibly could.

“Well, it seems like you two are having fun.” He drawled, leaning against the doorframe with a fond smile on his pretty face.

Rowan literally froze on the spot, staring at her father like he was a figment of her imagination before toddling up to him, squealing as he scooped her up in his arms. “ _DADDY!!_ ”

“Hey Little Rose, did you have a good time with Harry?” Oh God, his voice sent shivers down my spine as he watched me, Rowan just patting his cheek with her chocolate covered hand.

“Hawwy so fun! Did colour book, and had nap, and dance, and…” She leaned in to stage whisper in Louis’ ear. “ _Hawwy give Ro choccy bars!_ ”

“More than one?”

She held up 5 fingers, giggling from her sugar high. “Ro have _this_ many.”

“Rowan Tomlinson, how many times has Daddy told you that you’re allowed one choccy bar as a treat?”

Rowan just looked her glaring father straight in the eye. “Ro not invite Daddy to barbkyoo so why he up in Ro’s grill?”

I could barely stifle my laugh as Louis’ jaw dropped, the sassy little girl in his arms keeping a perfect poker face as he turned to glare playfully at me. “Who taught you that, baby?”

“Hawwy!”

“Oh did he now?” I couldn’t control the laugh that escaped me as Louis’ gorgeous eyes narrowed, but Rowan – as observant as she was – remained oblivious.

“Daddy, knock knock…”

“Who’s there?”

“Hula.” _Oh dear, Louis’ going to kill me._

“Hula who?”

“Puh…” She forced out the ‘p’ sound and squealed with laughter as Louis groaned, leaning forward to high five me with a sticky, chubby hand which I eagerly responded to.

“You’re the worst,” But Louis’ laugh contradicted the statement, the sound light and airy. “I can’t believe you taught my baby awful jokes.”

I huffed, pretending to be offended when really I was preening under all the attention he was giving me. “They’re amazing jokes, thank you very much… And Rowan knows at least fifty now, so there’s plenty for her to surprise you with."

Louis snorted, but was soon distracted by Rowan poking his cheek and whining for his attention. “Daddy! What brown and sticky?”

“… What?” Oh God, if he wasn’t going to kill me for the first and second ones, he was definitely going to kill me for that.

“A stick!” She slumped over in Louis’ arms as she dissolved into ecstatic giggles, giggles that only increased in volume when she caught the way that her Daddy was looking at me, his lips tilted up into a sinful smirk and his eyebrow raised.

“Really?”

I simply plucked Rowan from his arms, kissing her nose softly, “My little jokester protégée, how has your Daddy kept you away from me for so long, huh?” But Louis never responded to my indirect question, instead letting a small smile take over his smirk, but I couldn’t for the life of me tell whether it was genuine or not. “I’m going to teach you _so_ many jokes, Bub!”

The smile on Louis’ face soon fell, and tension filled the room like a thick fog, the older man in front of me suddenly shrinking in demeanour as he stared down at his hands, “Excuse me…” Even his voice was reduced to a small mumble, and I felt the guilt was over me when he shuffled off into my kitchen.

“Shall we go and see Daddy?” I looked down at the little girl in my arms, knowing full well she would be able to sense that something was wrong; she was far too clever for her own good.

She thought for a moment, “… Think Hawwy need go alone.” What did I say? Too goddamn clever.

“You gonna play with some of your toys, babe?” I set her on the floor next to her rucksack and she nodded, her little smile infectious as she looked up at me happily.

“Go to Daddy.” And who was I to ignore the order of a stubborn toddler? I hurried into the kitchen and found Louis leaning over the sink with a glass of water clutched tightly in his hand, both of which were trembling.

“Hey…”

A small smile lit up his face when he turned to look at me, and just the thought of him smiling because of me was enough to set my heart racing. “Hi…”

“You alright babes?” Our smiles mirrored each other, I’m sure, because the only expression I could possibly convey was fondness. But still, he didn’t answer my question.

 _Yeah, he’s very good at that_ , I noted.

“She likes you a lot.” He murmured.

“I love her already…” I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across my face at the thought of his adorable little girl. “Why didn’t you tell me, Lou?”

“Because whatever this,” He gestured to the both of us with a shaky hand. “Is, was already complicated enough without throwing in the fact that I’m a single father.”

_Complicated? Mate that’s the understatement of the century… But being a single father? Not a turn off at all._

“You thought that it would bother me? Louis, I have no problem with this at all!”

“It’s not that, it’s just… Well it was that… I mean…” He was rambling form nerves, I could tell by the way that his hands were shaking as he reached up to rub at his eyes like a frustrated toddler, so I did the only thing I could think of to comfort him: I pulled him into a tight hug, resting my cheek on his hair.

“I think no less of you, sweetheart.”

He wriggled in my arms and I just held on tighter, kissing the top of his head and just willing for him to calm down when he sighed with frustration. “That’s not what I mean either…. I should be getting her home for dinner.”

Ro suddenly popped her head around the corner. “Ro and Daddy leave?”

_You’re onto a good thing here, Styles, you can’t just let them walk away… Give them a reason to stay._

“Stay and I’ll cook for you.”

“Are you sure? She can be quite picky?” Louis scooped Rowan up into his arms and bounced her gently, the little buns on her head bobbling as she flailed in his arms.

_Yes, I’m sure, stop making excuses you stupid, pretty little man._

“What’s your favourite food, little one?” I cooed, prompting the little girl to squeal with excitement.

“Mac ‘n cheese! With bacon!” Not the most impressive dish for me to cook and woo her father with, but I could work with it if it made her happy, definitely. But Louis’ broke my train of thought with a deep chuckle, nudging his nose against her flushed cheek.

“Bug, you had that yesterday, it’s not healthy to have it twice.”

I laughed at his over protectiveness, the fond smile which had become so familiar when I was around Louis breaking onto my face once more. “What’s your favourite veggie, Little Flower?”

Rowan looked up at Louis, confusion written all over her little face. “Daddy, Ro dunno…”

“You like carrots, Little Rose.”

“CARROTS!” I flinched at the shriek that pierced my eardrum, but didn’t let her know that she’d practically deafened me, instead scooping her out of Louis’ arms and kissing all over her face. Louis’ pouted at the emptiness of his arms as Ro giggled, squirming in my arms.

“Did you just steal my baby from me?”

“She’s _my_ flower, now!” And with that I dug the tips of my fingers into her ribs, lightly tickling her and making her erupt into peals of laughter that made my heart swell with adoration, her tiny feet kicking in the air.

“Daddy! Save Ro!”

Louis paused for a moment, just watching us, before surging forward and pinning me against the counter, pressing a hot, firm kiss to my lips that made me freeze in my tickling ministrations for just the right amount of time he needed to rush away from me and snatch Rowan back into his arms. “Aha! _My_ baby!”

“I’ll err…” I found myself flushed and staring at the floor, my heart stuttering just as much as my speech as a tight knot formed in my stomach. “I’ll m-make you dinner.”

“So, remind me what you did today bug.”

“We colour and Hawwy said he gonna protect you from vampires!” The grin that spread across her face was infectious, and Louis and I were swift to replicate it when we saw just how enthusiastic she was.

“Vampires?” My eyes trailed from his raised eyebrow to the sarky smirk on his thin, pink lips, to the barely-there hickeys that remained on his neck after our little run in, and I couldn’t help but look down at the floor, a slight tremor settling itself in my hands. “Ro thinks your neck was attacked by vampires so I promised I’d err… Keep you away from them?”

If I thought that I was blushing, then it was nothing compared to the dark red flush that rose up Louis’ neck as he set Rowan down and ushered her into the living room before backing up against the counter once more. “Oh… What if I like vampires?”

His eyes were wide and curious, but far from innocent, and I found myself getting lost in them and becoming more and more flustered. “I… I want to be the only vampire near your neck.”

 _Smooth Styles, really damn smooth_.

His tanned, tattooed arms slid around my neck, and Louis was suddenly so close that I could feel the vibration of his chest as he hummed, biting his lip in the most seductive, boner inducing way I’d ever seen. “Want to mark me up more, hmm?”

_Is he **finally** realising how much I like him? How much I need him in my life?_

“All the fucking time.”

It was those words that caused him to surge forwards, one of his small, nimble hands sliding across my shoulder, up my neck and coming to rest on my face, cupping my cheek ever so gently in his palm, almost like I was made of glass and he was afraid to shatter me. I could feel my heart pounding heavily against my ribcage, and I was almost certain that he could feel it’s erratic beat, his chest flush against mine. He looked up at me through his long lashes, his pupils blown with lust as he ran his thumb along my bottom lip, the touch so tender and close to a caress that it made my chest tighten, my breath hitching in my throat at the tingling sensation the pad of his thumb left in its wake. A fond smile lit up his face and I let my eyes flutter shut when he leaned closer, his cool breath fanning across my face as we finally – _finally_ – gave in to the intense whirlwind of emotions that had been brewing around us for months. His thin lips brushed mine, and our breathing hitched simultaneously-

 

_KNOCK,  
KNOCK KNOCK._

I jumped, but still didn’t move. Whoever was at my door would _never_ be worth losing this moment to, never in a million years. I shook my head a little at the thought and summoned up all the courage I had left in me, pushing my lips towards Louis’ and channelling all my affection into the one kiss that-

 

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK,_

_KNOCK KNOCK._

“I’m so sorry…” My lips brushing against Louis’ as I mumbled an apology was the worst form of torture I’d ever experienced. I squeezed his hips as a reminder that I wasn’t finished with him yet, and left him in the kitchen, borderline stomping to my front door and flinging it open in a kiss-deprived rage. I was defensive, my fists clenched by my sides and my whole body tensed in preparation of the rant I had building inside me when unwanted lips pressed against mine, painfully familiar, but unwanted nonetheless. I was freed from the kiss and was greeted by the sight of a girl I hadn’t seen in weeks, a regular hook up called Erin who I’d met in a coffee shop, nursing a hangover after drinking all night to try and forget Louis. It wasn’t hard to realise what had drawn me to her: the tanned skin, caramel hair, piercing blue eyes and killer sense of humour coupled with delicious curves was enough to make her a close likeness to Louis, but different enough that it didn’t hurt me as much… But that was before. She was wearing a shirt that she’d clearly nabbed from me one morning, and a pair of shorts that showed off her long, tan legs, an overnight bag hanging from the crook of her elbow.

 

 

“Hi baby, you ready for tonight?” She let herself in, slipping past me and wrapping her arms around my neck.

“Tonight? What happened to texting me before you came so I could let you know whether it was cool for you to come over?”

Her warm gaze hardened, and I flinched at how much it resembled Louis’ eyes when he was angry. Oh shit, Louis… Who was still in my kitchen as Rowan played just down the hallway. Shit, shit, _shit_.

“I _did_ text, H, and you didn’t answer, so I thought that meant it was okay to come round.”

I pulled out my phone and saw the notification, frowning when I realised that I’d been too caught up with Louis to care. “Erin, I’m kind of busy, I’m not sure this is a good shout.”

“You’ve promised me this trip for weeks now, Harry, we’re going…” She kissed me passionately, tugging on my hair when I refused to respond. “And besides, you know we’ve always been good.”

Her tone was seductive, but the atmosphere she was trying to create was ruined when a little voice piped up from the doorway to the living room. “I-Is that Hawwy’s Queen, Daddy?”

I jumped back from Erin like she was on fire, whirling round to find Louis holding Rowan close to his chest, his blue eyes that had been so bright when we were in the kitchen now dull and tear filled as his shoulders slumped in defeat, making my heart ache in my chest. But what finally broke me was the look on Rowan’s face, it was like the hope I’d spent all day instilling in her had rushed out of her body in one go, her whole face miserable and lost. I’d fucked up big time, and there was no fixing this. “Louis, I-”

“Save it. You’re no better than the others.” And with that he was gone, stomping out of the flat with Ro cradled close to his chest, and taking half my heart with him. I knew that there was no going back from what had happened, there was no rescuing the situation anymore. If it had only been Louis that was affected, I would have had a sliver of hope when it came to earning forgiveness… But there was a child involved, _Louis’_ child. He would protect her until his dying breath, and if that meant cutting me out because I was a useless role model, then I knew he’d do it… There was no point trying anymore.

“That was weird… Early night in?” Erin held her hand out for me, the sweetest smile settling on her face as I looked from her, to Louis’ flat, and then back to her.

“Yeah… Sure.”

_Slut._

_Useless._

_You never should have tried._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry :O
> 
> All the love x


	13. Chapter 13

** Chapter 13 **

****

**Louis POV**  
"Well don't you look _beautiful_?" I grinned, laughing as Rowan padded into the room wearing a white swimming costume covered in a pastel cactus print. "And you got it on all by yourself too! Good girl."

She ran over and clambered on the sofa, sitting down in my lap with the biggest smile on her face. I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before tying her soft hair up into her little trademark pigtails at the nape of her neck. Carefully, I placed her on the floor before heading off to get my own costume on - running a hand through my hair; not caring that it wasn't too clean considering it was probably going to get sandy and wet at the beach anyway.

I pulled my shirt off and traded my trousers for a pair of dark blue swim shorts. I walked up to the mirror and frowned as I took in my appearance... Of course Harry chose that girl over me. I sucked in my stomach in an attempt to get rid of the little pooch I had and huffed in defeat when it wouldn't leave. My thighs were too thick, my arse too big... She was everything I wasn't. My heart ached as I realised that Rowan had grown attached to him, trying to keep her away from him wasn't an option. She'd wailed when Stan went abroad for two weeks, so I couldn't imagine how she would react to me keeping her away from Harry forever.

_You could move?_

I quickly shook the thought out of my head and slipped my feet into my ratty vans, placed a snap back atop my head and slid my sunglasses onto my face. This was going to be a good day. I wasn’t going to let myself think about _him_ , but just have a nice day with my family (and Niall.) As I walked out to the living room, I found her attempting to put her sandals on and failing.

"Want my help, bug?" I chuckled, kneeling in front of her and strapping them up as she nodded. I slipped her cap onto her head before grabbing the beach bag and heading out the flat with her in tow, her tiny hand wrapped around mine.

"Can see Harry soon, daddy?" She babbled, pointing at Harry's door as I albeit dragged her passed it towards the lift.

"Harry's a very busy man, my little rose." _That's not technically a lie_. "So we'll have to see, okay? Don't get in a grump if we can't."

As we got into the lift I slung the bag over my shoulder so I could scoop her up in my arms and bounce her, letting her snuggle into my chest. It was Mum's idea to get out of the house, it'd been a while since I'd seen the clan and it was the perfect day for it. We walked out the main entrance just as the 7 seater pulled up.

"Who did you squash then?" I laughed as mum climbed out of the car, realising there were 9 of them in there. I passed her Rowan so she could give her a cuddle before she spoke.

"Lottie is sat on Tommy, and the Daisy is sat on Phoebe," She explained, as my eldest sibling and her boyfriend climbed out so they could get in my car. "Niall here?"

I nodded as I saw the blonde walk around the corner, eyes hidden by dark sunglasses. As Rowan squealed out his name he jogged over and took her from mum, spinning her in his arms and cooing over her like he always did. Niall had always been obsessed with Rowan and she obsessed with him, he was like her weird older brother in a way and I couldn't be more thankful for him. We arranged to meet mum at the car park by the beach so after Niall had strapped Rowan in the back next to Lottie and Tommy, he climbed in the passenger seat beside me and drove. The sun shone through the windows and warmed my arms as three of my four passengers babbled away to each other and Rowan made noises with her toy.

"I can't remember the last time we went to the beach. Have we ever taken her?" Lottie asked, poking Rowan's tummy to make her giggle endearingly.

"Once or twice, but not for a while."

We climbed out of the car, taking care not to leave anything behind and met up with the rest of the family before walking down to the beach; the soft sand crunching quietly beneath our feet. Rowan padded along clumsily behind Ernest and Doris who seemed to be very eager to build a sandcastle as they wildly waved their buckets about. We set up the windbreaker and put our towels on the sand before I hauled Rowan in front of me so I could slather her in sun cream. She giggled as I put dots of it all over her cheeks before rubbing it in.

"Daddy, can have ice cream?"

"Sure, bug."

I strolled over to the ice cream bar and propped my elbows up on the counter, surprised to see that my server was absolutely gorgeous - the stereotypical surfer dude; spiked blonde hair, an award winning smile and a tanned muscled body to die for - but the wedding ring on his finger let me not to give it a shot. He gave me a friendly grin before asking what I wanted. I hummed and decided on a simple 99 ice cream with a flake because Rowan loved getting messy with those.

"Here you are, that's £1.99" he smiled (did this dude ever stop smiling?), handing over the ice cream. I gave him the money before strolling back over and sitting down in front of Rowan with a big grin on my face. I booped some ice cream onto the end of her nose and the both of us giggled as she failed to get it off.

As I wiped it off, I saw none other than Harry across the sand smiling fondly at us - clearly not realising it was obvious he was staring. Rowan followed my train of sight and waved like a madman when she saw him - a massive smile on her little face. I lifted my hand to wave but as the girl from yesterday moved beside him I made it look like I was bringing it up to run through my hair instead. Rowan scrambled into my lap and ate her ice cream happily just as the twins decided that they were each going to sit on one of my legs.

I albeit screamed as Lottie placed her hands on my shoulders making me jump in shock, smacking them off like they were diseased. She chuckled and I turned my head to stick my tongue out at her. My attention was turned back to the twins who had decided to bury my feet in the sand as they poked off the edge of the towel and I rolled my eyes, wiping the ice cream from Rowan's mouth with my thumb. She grabbed a bucket and played in the sand next to my towel.

"Excuse me?"

I took off my sunglasses and lifted my head to see Harry's friend stood in front of me with her hands clasped in front of her. Now that I could see her up close it was even easier to see why he'd chosen her over me; her skin looked like gold underneath her white bikini and she was just better than me in every way. _Great, she's come to rub it in that she's got Harry, not you_.

"Louis, right? I'm Erin... I need to ask you something on behalf of Harry," She said, tilting her head to the side and rocking back and forth on her feet. Looking a little... Down maybe? "Well Harry really likes you..."

My eyes widened and I could feel my cheeks heat up. Harry liked me. _Me_. Oh god, I couldn't believe it... Had he always liked me? When did this start? I couldn’t believe that Harry wanted me. _God, I sound like a 13-year-old girl don't I_? Lottie made me jump yet again as she smacked my chest. "Told you!"

"I know he's not very good at showing it and he's got this reputation but... H is a really nice guy and do you want to go on a date with him? He's too shy to ask himself, it's been a long time since he's had feelings." She smiled sweetly.

I nodded, biting my lip long enough to suppress the squeal until she'd made it back over to Harry. _He likes me_. I looked down at Rowan and squeezed her to my chest, burying my face into her hair as I giggled with happiness. I'd wanted to kiss him so bad yesterday... Seeing him with Rowan had just sealed to deal to how much I liked him and _he liked me back_.

"You two are literally the cutest..." Lottie cooed, a cute smile on her face. "Shame you were both oblivious until now."

"He's really cute, Lou. Nice job," Fizzy grinned, ruffling my hair, hugging my side and nudging her nose against my shoulder. "You haven't had anyone in forever... Have you ever…?"

"Not a boyfriend, no. I had a girlfriend when I was 15... But nothing serious…" I hummed, scooping Rowan up into my arms. "And I haven't dated since she was born because she's my priority but she _loves_ Harry..."

"Can you blame her? He's adorable." Daisy grinned, looking over her shoulder at me.

I let out a laugh, Rowan giggling too as if she understood what was going on. "He's too old for you missus, back off."

As I looked back over at the man himself; he had picked Erin up in a tight hug and was grinning like an idiot, clearly as happy about the date as I was. I blushed dark and waved shyly as we made eye contact and within moments he was coming over, my eyes widening when I noticed his _tiny,_ yellow swim shorts and his not-so-tiny bulge. Holy shit.

"Hawwy!" Rowan bubbled, clapping her little hands.

As all attention turned towards him his demeanour changed and he became very shy as he padded over to us. He wrung his hands as he stopped at my side and I carefully shifted myself from underneath the kids so I could make a dash if I needed to.

"Hi..." I breathed, a soft smile on my face, not missing the way his eyes sparkled as he looked at me, how had I not seen that there before?

"Who's this handsome young man you've been hiding from us, boo?" Mum piped up, making Harry and I both blush dark, the shade of pink on his cheeks was endearing.

He crouched down to Rowan's height so he could tap the end of her nose. "Mum, this is my neighbour Harry, Harry this is... Well, everyone."

"Hi." He said, his voice soft and shy, as my family eyed him up like they were judging every inch of him. Even the twins had taken interest in him, Ernest looking between his own little curls and Harry's longer ones.

"So you're _the_ Harry then?" Lottie smirked, quirking a perfectly styled eyebrow. "What are your intentions with our Louis?"

I rolled my eyes and clambered to my feet, pulling Harry away from the huddle so I could talk to him alone. Not missing the way that he whined as I dragged him away from Rowan who he had been desperate to give a cuddle. As soon as we were out of their sight I found myself buried in his embrace, my face pressed against his chest.

"I didn't get to hug Ro." He pouted, tilting my chin up with a finger so I could see him.

"My family are shits and wouldn't have given you the chance anyway." I chuckled, sliding my arms around his neck, leaning in a little.

"But-"

"But nothing…" I hummed, pulling him close so our lips brushed. "I started something last night and I intend to finish it so shh..."

Before he could speak again I pulled him into a kiss, one that was like everything you read in books, hear about in movies. It wasn't like our first, lust driven and crazy... It was passionate, desperate. Like every feeling we'd built up across the months we'd known each other were being realised in this one kiss. He smiled into the kiss and slid his arms around my waist, letting me indulge in the softness of his pillowy pink lips, savouring the way his tongue danced with mine. It was perfect.

I pulled back and studied his face; his cheeks were flushed, his lips were swollen and there was a soft sparkle in his eyes... I wanted to photograph it and pin it to every square inch of my apartment. I nudged my nose against his and smiled sweetly. "See you tomorrow night, yeah?"

"Yeah," He giggled breathlessly. "Gonna spoil you rotten, darling. The way I should have from the start..."

"I can't wait, bye love." And with another quick kiss I was walking back over to my family with the biggest smile on my face. My mind filled with nothing but _HarryHarryHarry_ as I pictured every possibility of what the date could entail.

I still couldn't believe he liked me. _Me_.

And I was going to make sure that it stayed that way.

*******

**Harry’s POV  
** (Earlier in the day)

I woke up with a warm body in my arms and chestnut hair tickling my nose, and for a moment I just lay there and imagine that it was Louis in my arms, letting the homely feeling settle. But then the reality set in, the fuzzy feeling of still being in dream-land evaporating and sending me back to earth with a _thump_ , a feminine squeak of a yawn transforming the Louis of my imagination back into Erin.

“Morning love,” She smiled, pecking my cheek softly before stretching and sitting up, the – now not so clean – sheets falling to her waist and exposing her bare chest to the cool morning breeze. Normally my cock would be twitching at the sight, and I’d be making out with her – morning breath be damned – in a heartbeat, but there was just something holding me back, stopping me from acting on the impulses I would previously have had.

_Duh, idiot, it’s because you want a dude, and dudes typically don’t have tits._

“Morning Erin, sleep well?”

“Yeah,” She practically purred, leaning in to press soft kisses to the hollow of my throat, “You _really_ tired me out… Fancy doing it again?” Her lips hollowed over mine, and If I was to close my eyes, I probably would have kissed her, picturing Louis instead… But I couldn’t do that to her, and just turned my cheek, forcing out a giggle.

“Morning breath, love, there’s no way I’m inflicting that on you.”

“But-”

“No buts, there should be a spare toothbrush in the other bathroom.” I pressed a fleeting kiss to her cheek and jumped out of bed, yanking my boxers on and quickly rushing over to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door, my heart thumping in my chest as I gripped the edge of the sink. I needed to get a grip; Erin didn’t deserve to be treated like shit just because I’d hit a mental block, and she definitely didn’t deserve for me to throw her out after promising her a trip. I just needed to psyche myself up and get myself in the headspace where I could focus on making her happy and not dwell on how everything important to me had gone to shit, I owed her that much at least. After brushing my teeth and eliminating the ghastly morning breath, I ventured out into the kitchen to find Erin dancing around the kitchen, ever the red blooded male’s wet dream in just one of my – rarely used – white button ups, the front left open and showing off her slim, curvy body in just her black lacy underwear, the hem falling just below the curve of her ass and showing off her shapely legs. Normally, I’d have that shirt _and_ the underwear off of her and on the floor, but somehow – despite the fact that I’d spend way too long getting myself hyped for spending the day with her – I couldn’t get past the fact that, if it had been Louis wearing my shirt, the swell of his ass would make the shirt ride up and not even reach the top of his thighs, his tight boxers leaving nothing to the imagination and giving me the ideal chance to bend him over the counter and take him.

_But he doesn’t want you, because you did the most unforgiveable thing you could ever have done. You hurt his little girl and now he’ll **never** want you near her, let alone him. Even if you fight for him, it won’t work, so why bother? You have a beautiful girl dancing around your kitchen, make the fucking most of it!_

“Look at you getting all domestic,” I chuckled, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her against my chest, ignoring the way her long hair got in the way of me pressing my lips to her neck – _that wouldn’t happen with Louis, I bet_ – and instead kissing the top of her head. “But I think I’d prefer you without anything on right now.”

_Nice save, Styles._

“Oh so you want to go for another round right here over the table?” Something must have been wrong with me, because her tone was seductive and low, making my cock twitch in interest – I was only human, it was bound to happen – but my heart wasn’t truly in it, all I wanted was Louis… But I couldn’t have him.

“Actually…” _Must. Avoid. Awkward. Situations._ “I was thinking more along the lines of having a shower?”

“Together?” _It’s the least you can do seeing as you’re only going to end up hurting her._

“Of course… Saves water, doesn’t it?”

“Excuses, Harry… I know what you want.”

 _If only she did  
_**~*~  
** The shower had been… _Interesting_. Of course, Erin interpreted my offer for a joint shower as an opportunity to make a move on me, playing innocent as she started washing my shoulders and then becoming sultry, her hands trailing down my chest and gripping my soft cock, gently coaxing it to full hardness.

“Erin…” I tried to stop her hand, but she just stepped closer pushing herself up against me.

“Come on, babe… We’ve never fucked in the shower before, there’s a first time for everything.” But somehow I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

_Because there’s something fucking wrong with you, idiot. Can’t even fuck a girl right because you’re such a screw up._

I’d growled at the voice in my head and proceeded to slam Erin against the wall of the shower, ignoring her slight squeak of pain and fingering her until she came twice, too boneless and blissed out from her orgasms to continue to try and get her hands on me. And that was how we came to be in the car, her wearing a loose white shirt and cut off shorts and me just wearing a pair of yellow trunks – Erin picked them out for me, saying that they showed off my legs, but I knew she was thinking more of the way that they bunched up at my groin and obscenely exaggerated my bulge – and a white tank top, which I planned on taking off as soon as I got out of the car.

“I just don’t get it, H!” Her voice was whiny, desperate, but I just forced a sympathetic smile onto my face. “You know the sex we have is fucking amazing! Why did you keep turning me down this morning?”

“It’s one of the hottest days this month, babe, and I wanted to make sure that we got here in time to get a good spot without it being too crowded.” It was a half arsed explanation, and I knew full well that it would take no time at all for her to pick holes in my lie.

“A quickie in the shower wouldn’t have set us back by too long, Harry.”

“Erin,” I sighed, placing my hand on her thigh as I swung into a parking space. “Yesterday you were complaining because I was going to cancel this trip and this morning I was trying to make sure that we actually made it on time just to make you happy… I just wanted you happy, sweet, I didn’t mean to make you feel unwanted.”

She leaned over and planted a soft kiss on my cheek before stripping her shirt off and tossing into the back seat, revealing the top half of her pristine white bikini and her ample chest. “You’re such a sweetheart, I don’t deserve you at all.”

_No you don’t, but you’re the best I’m going to get so…_

“I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you… It’s not every day a gorgeous girl turns up at my door.” We scrambled down to the beach, Erin’s laugh attracting many strange looks as I stumbled and tripped whilst trying to peel off my shirt, the stupid damn fabric getting caught and stuck on my forehead. We settled down near a wooden shack selling refreshments – it was an empty, sunny area which was really rare, so we took advantage of the location immediately.

“Thank you for taking me here, babe,” Erin flipped me so I was on my stomach and grabbed some sun screen from her bag. “Let me get your back seeing as you’re more than likely going to fall asleep.”

“Hey, are you calling me _lazy_ , Missus?” I joked, wincing at the first cold squirt of sun block, but letting myself go pliant as her soft, nimble hands worked across my back, massaging whilst simultaneously rubbing in the thick liquid.

_It’s a shame you want someone different squirting a thick, white substance on your back, isn’t it? She’s very good with her hands._

“Yeah, H, I am- Hey, isn’t that the guy from yesterday?” Guy? The only guy I remember being near then was… “The one with the kid?” _Louis_. I looked up and my worst fears were realised: there was Louis in all his half-naked glory, walking over to the very shack Erin and I were laid in front of with a spring in his step. The sun certainly did him justice, and I could barely tear my eyes away from him as he leaned over the counter with a radiant smile on his face. The sun made his skin practically glow and his trunks hung low on his hips, the distance between us ideal and giving me a perfect view of the dimples in his back at the bottom of his spine as he arched his back to reach over, brushing his hand against that of the painfully attractive cashier. _He looked freaking amazing_.

I was broken out of my star-struck trance by the snide voice of Erin, who’d clearly been watching Louis as much as I had, “Wow, he’s just _gagging_ for it, isn’t he?” She scoffed, moving from where she was perched on my thighs and sitting beside me on her own towel. “Just look at the way he’s stood, fucking presenting himself like a bitch in heat, the _slut_!”

My heart cracked my chest as she spat the derogatory from her lips like it was a disease, her eyes narrowing in a vicious glare as Louis shifted from foot to foot, his ass – and what a glorious ass it was – swaying as he did so. How fucking _dare,_ she call him a word reserved for only the most disgusting people possible; there were far more appropriate things to be calling him, especially seeing as she didn’t even know that Louis that had hurt me, let alone the sweet doting man that I’d come to know in such a short space of time.

“Excuse me?” I snapped, turning to glare at her.

“Babe, don’t get shitty with me, just look at how low his trunks are riding. He’s showing it _all_ off for a reason, the little cock tease… I saw the way you were pining after him last night before you realised that I was better for you, and I can see you pining again now: he’s obviously not worth the fuss, H. He’s just another whore by the looks of it.”

“You don’t know him.” _Or the way he looks at me when he’s drunk, or the way he talks to his daughter like she’s the best thing since the universe was created._

“I can tell that he’s clearly not worth getting hung up on, Darling.” As she was speaking, the stupidly hot cashier handed Louis an ice cream with a dazzling smile that hadn’t left his face – clearly reserved for customers that he hoped to swindle out of more money – and the beautiful man I longed to have in my arms rushed back over to a colourful windbreaker that was surrounded by people, crouching to give Rowan – who was as adorable as ever in her little cactus swimming costume – her sweet treat.

“Oh yeah, ‘Rin,” I laughed, and I couldn’t help the way that the sound came out bitter and sarcastic. “He’s such a whore, buying ice cream for his child.”

She glared at me over the top of her sunglasses, her head propped up on her hand as she lay in what was obviously meant to be a distracting way, “He was flirting with the ice cream guy!” She frowned and huffed, and while a part of me felt bad for being so horrible to her when I’d originally set out to be the perfect date, the rest of me didn’t care, Louis’ presence to obvious to ignore, “And you were the one looking like a kicked puppy, I was just trying to make you feel better…” And with a final huff she rolled onto her front, turning her head like a spoiled child so she wasn’t looking at me. I soon realised that she was going to carry on giving me the silent treatment until I apologised, which I didn’t plan on doing, so instead took to watching Louis and his family prat around, the girls and a couple of men lounging in the sun while Louis, a happy blonde and Rowan bounced around, the latter giggling uncontrollably as her father smeared ice cream down her nose. They were the cutest little family… And I wanted to be a part of it, but I couldn’t when I was so involved with Erin.

“He was asking for a fucking ice cream, not offering to suck his dick, what’s wrong with you?” I smiled softly as Rowan tried to lick the ice cream off her nose, the expression really clashing with the harsh snap I aimed at the girl lying next to me, who lifted her head at my tone and cast a wounded look in my direction.

“Well try and see it from my perspective, yeah? You’re planning an amazing day out at the beach with someone you really get along well with that promised to take you weeks ago, and when you get there all they do is stare at someone who isn’t you. _That’s_ what’s wrong with me.” She looked away once more, and I let my gaze wander back to the Tomlinson family, the little bean I’d come to care for like she was my own daughter catching my eye and waving frantically, patting Louis’ on the arm and squealing. His baby blue eyes met mine and it felt like time had stopped, a tiny smile spreading on his face as he raised his hand to wave at me. But then his eyes locked onto Erin and the smile fell as quickly as it came and his hand skipping a wave to run through his hair, my heart aching when I realised that I’d really fucked it up, simply waving at Rowan before frowning down at the girl beside me. How could I do this to her? String her along like she meant more to me than the family who shared the patch of beach with us when I wanted nothing more than to be with them rather than her? How could I be the guy who completely broke her by dating her for months while always looking at the gorgeous man who lived across the hallway from me, wishing that he was mine? Louis was like the sunshine in my dark life, and when Rowan came into the picture, things only got brighter… I couldn’t give that up, not when her excitement told me that there was some hope.

I sighed, “Look ‘Rin, I’m sorry, yeah? You’re so lovely and insanely pretty, and actually one of the only people I trust, but all those weeks ago? I was in such a bad place…” My chest tightened at the memory of the dark time I went through, having no hope and no light in my life, just fucking away my emotions in an attempt to forget the most unforgettable man I’d ever met. “And I feel so bad, because it’s like I’m taking advantage and I don’t want to be that guy, but…”

Her eyes snapped to meet mine but her expression wasn’t harsh like I’d expected it to be, it was soft and sympathetic. “You’re not interested; I get it. I saw your face when he left your flat, H. I’d just convinced myself that I was just seeing things, but clearly I wasn’t… That guy means something to you for some reason… So like… Yeah, I don’t know what to say.”

How was she being so nice? God, everything would have been so much easier if she’d told me that I was an insensitive asshole and stormed off, because then I would have far less guilt building up inside me. But the way that her eyes looked at me with such hurt and sadness, and knowing that it was _all my fault_ was enough to bring me to tears, my bottom lip wobbling.

“I… I’m so sorry.”

“Oh please don’t cry,” A small smile graced her lips and I felt the weight on my shoulders lift a little. “If you cry, I’ll cry and it’ll ruin my makeup… And I’d hug you but the guy is looking and I don’t want to give him the wrong impression, so man up, Styles.”

“I can’t just go over to him, Erin!” I whined like a sad teenage girl who couldn’t handle even looking at her crush. “He’s with his fucking family!”

“You want me to do it?” Oh god I didn’t deserve to have her in my life. Everyone should have an Erin in their home.

“What, go over there?”

“Yeah? And I think the blonde girl knows who you are as well…” _Fucking brilliant, someone else who thinks I’m a whore_. “She keeps looking over so I guess her liking you depends on how Louis’ described you.”

I hugged my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth a little as I nodded slowly. “Could you?”

She simply smiled and stood up, brushed the sand off of herself and walking over to Louis with all the confidence that I didn’t have. When she stood over Louis his face instantly fell, his hand noticeably shaking as he reached up to pull his sunglasses off. But that soon changed once Erin began speaking, a red flush working up his chest and settling on his cheeks as the blonde girl – she must have been his sister – smacked him on the chest with a shriek as he nodded slowly, a smug smile spreading across Erin’s face as she wandered back over to me with a spring in her step.

“What did you say?” I could practically feel my bottom lip splitting as I bit it, nerves wracking through me as I jumped up to meet her.

“I got you a date for tomorrow night.” Her smile was painfully smug as she sipped from her water bottle, so at first I was highly sceptical.

“Really?!”

The way she flipped her hair was thoroughly overdramatic. “Aren’t I great?”

I picked her up and spun her round in dizzying circles, feeling Louis and his family’s gaze burning into me as I laughed and cheered. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Oh put me down you muppet…” I looked over to Louis, who was still blushing a dark shade of pink. “Do you want me to help you pick out an outfit for tomorrow, because if you do then that means shopping and I am so down for that!”

“Yes please,” My eyes were still trained on Louis. “Do you think I should go and say hi?”

“I reckon it’s safe now. The blonde – who’s called Lottie FYI – was always _Team Harry,_ she loves you already.”

“Meet you by the car?” She simply nodded and started gathering up her stuff as I walked over to Louis, whose eyes widened as he stared at my legs. _Oh shit, the yellow shorts_!

"Hawwy!" Rowan bubbled, clapping her little hands as she saw me, her little eyes lighting up as I got closer and making my heart swell with happiness and the feeling of belonging.

All attention turned to me and I suddenly felt very scrutinised, my hands shaking as so many pairs of eyes focused on me, judging my every mood. Louis shifted and freed himself from the gaggle of children, and I tried to stop my hands from shaking so much by rubbing them together, but nothing could stop my palms from getting clammy and my heart from hammering against my ribcage.

"Hi..." He breathed, a soft smile spreading across his face as he looked me up and down with a look that I’d never seen in his eyes before. How could I have missed it? Was I really as oblivious as he was?

"Who's this handsome young man you've been hiding from us, boo?" An older woman who I took to be his mum piped up, making both of us flush deep shades of pink.

I crouched down and poked the tip of Rowan’s nose as Louis introduced me, her smile infectious as she grinned at me like the Cheshire cat (no pun intended). "Mum, this is my neighbour Harry, Harry this is... Well, everyone."

"Hi.” I cringed at the way that my voice went soft under their judgement, even the smallest of the children – not including Ro – staring at me with intrigue

"So you're _the_ Harry then?" The blonde, Lottie, smirked, quirking a perfectly styled eyebrow. "What are your intentions with our Louis?"

I squeaked with embarrassment, but was so eternally grateful when Louis stood up and grabbed my hand – and no I didn’t marvel over the way that his hands were dwarfed by mine – and pulled me away, a small whine escaping my lips when I realised that I hadn’t even had a chance to cuddle Rowan. We walked – well I was dragged – around the ice cream hut until we were out of sight and then I took the opportunity to pull him against my chest, holding him tightly as if he was about to come to his senses and run away.

"I didn't get to hug Ro." I frowned, sliding my index finger under his chin and tilting his head up so I could look at his pretty eyes.

"My family are shits and wouldn't have given you the chance anyway." He laughed, sliding his arms around my neck and leaning in, his breath fanning across my lips as he got closer.

"But-"

"But nothing…" He murmured, pulling me closer until his soft lips brushed against mine. "I started something last night and I intend to finish it so shh..."

Before I could ever form a sentence, he pulled me into a bruising kiss, one that was so similar to the ones in my dreams, something torn straight out of the perfect fairy-tale. It wasn't like before, when we knew that it was leading up to a rough, lust filled fuck... It was heated and desperate, almost as if all the feelings and emotions we’d been sitting on for the past months had finally burst onto the scene, culminating in the most mind blowing kiss I’d ever shared with someone.

He pulled back with a soft smile, his eyes wandering over my face with a look that I wanted to document with an on-the-spot Polaroid, making him my muse for years to come. "See you tomorrow night, yeah?"

"Yeah," A breathless laugh escaped my lips as I looked down at the gorgeous man in my arms. "Gonna spoil you rotten, darling. The way I should have from the start..."

"I can't wait, bye love." And with another quick kiss he was gone, leaving me to walk back to my car with a goofy grin on my face, nothing on my mind but _LouisLouisLouis_ and thoughts of how to make this date the most special one he’d ever experienced.

I wasn’t going to fuck it up this time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We loved this chapter so much! Sorry it took so long to get written, that's my fault because I write at a snail's pace :O
> 
> All the love  
> LittleMissAshIrwin x


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brownie points for anyone who can guess who inspired the appearance of our 2 mysterious newcomers :P

** Chapter 14 **

****

**Louis’ POV**

The date wasn't until tomorrow night, but I'd found myself sat in Harry's apartment anyway, Rowan playing at our feet as we watched TV - he'd left the beach before us but I'd found myself knocking on his door instead of going into my place. His arm was draped across the back of the sofa and I was leaning into his side a little. It felt so  _right_. Harry had slotted himself in so comfortably with our little family and it was amazing. 

He shifted and pulled me into his side more, nuzzling his nose into the top of my hair. "You don't have to tell me... But, if you're gay, how did Ro come about?" 

I looked up at him to be met with a comforting smile and warm eyes, his fingers tracing up and down the skin of my arm as he looked at me like the sun shined out of my ass. A small sigh left my lips and I turned my attention back to the TV. "Just pretend I'm not telling you this and Ro won't want to listen..."

I felt him nod as his arm slid round my waist to rest on my stomach. I took a moment to compose myself before I began to speak again, "A few years ago we had these two friends... Oli and Calvin... And they were crazy homophobic. We never knew this because they used to manipulate and abuse Zayn behind our backs so they stayed with us for a long time. But about 3 years ago, they started to get suspicious because I hadn't had a girlfriend since I was 15 and I never seemed to go home with anyone..." I paused for a moment, and I moved so I was lying with my head on his lap, trying to stay relaxed. I closed my eyes as he began to play with my hair and carried on. "So, one night they told me if I didn't go home and have sex with their friend then they'd put me in hell with Zayn where... F-fags belonged..." 

"You don't have to go on, Lou." He said softly, gently massaging my temple with his thumb. 

"Its fine... I'm fine. Anyway... I got completely fucked up. Like I managed to convince myself that she was a guy. Everything was blurry and I could barely remember anything apart from the fact I was s-so  _scared_. If I fucked this up, then they'd h-hurt me..." 

He wound one of his hands with mine as he continued to play with my hair with the other, "And because I was so drunk we didn't wear protection of any kind. So, when she found out she was pregnant they just assumed that meant I was definitely straight. Stan, Niall and Zayn already knew of course - they said that the look in my eyes was wrong, I was far from happy it'd happened... But a few months later I was a father. She didn't want to keep Rowan, mind you, she wanted to live her life but abortion was not an option which is why I raised her myself. We tried to phase the guys out of our lives but they were insistent about sticking around so... I came out. And... If... If it weren't for Niall and Stan... Z-Zayn and I could've been killed. Th-they beat us up so badly I..." I shook my head and rolled over to hide my face in his stomach. "But I just couldn't have them near my baby... She was so tiny... I-I..." 

"Hey angel, don't cry," He sighed, pulling me up into his arms so I could sob quietly into his neck, gripping his t-shirt in my hand. "Everything is okay now... They're gone. You're okay. Zayn's okay. She's okay..." 

"It was so s-scary and every second I... I worried she was going to get hurt or going to die and I felt like an a-awful father. I could barely take care of her because of the constant p-panic attacks I was having and she... They... S-Social services got called by my neighbours because of how much she was c-crying and... And they were gonna take her and I... Mum saved the day but... I almost lost her because of what those shits did to me. I-I'm mostly better now but... Some days I think someone else could take better care of her and I-" 

"Daddy not want Ro no more?"

My eyes lifted from Harry's lap to the tiny girl on the floor, who was staring at me with shaky hands and big watery eyes. "No, no, no, baby..." I hushed, sliding off the sofa and pulling her straight into my arms. "I always want you, little rose. I do. Daddy loves you so much..." I cried into her hair as my body shook.  _I'm the worst Dad ever_. My heart shattered into pieces as my entire world shook in my hold, little hiccups and sobs leaving her body. She hid her face in my neck and whimpered, gripping my shirt. 

"Don't leave Ro, Daddy." 

"Never baby never, I promise. I love you, I love you, I love you." I chanted, holding her tight, barely registering Harry shifting behind me and moving to sit in front of us. His long legs encircled my body as I knelt there, clutching my baby to my chest. After crossing his legs, he lifted me up and wrapped my legs around his waist, sitting me on his lap so Rowan was sandwiched between our bodies. 

He pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder and then one to my lips. I looked into his eyes as tears rolled down my cheeks, my whole body weak and shaking. "You've got the best Daddy, don't you, little flower?" He spoke up, his voice soft, as he pulled Rowan's back into his chest so she could look up at me. I swallowed heavily as my gaze fell upon her face; her cheeks were pink and her blue eyes were red. 

"Best daddy, love my Daddy." She squeaked quietly.

"I love you too, bug. So much," I whispered, brushing a tear from her cheek with my thumb. "I'll always want you, princess. You're Daddy's world... Just sometimes Daddy worries he's not making you feel special enough."

She flung herself into my arms and snuggled up into me, letting me nuzzle my nose against her hair. "Daddy perfect." I chuckled sadly and held her close. I couldn't believe I'd even let her think for a second I didn't want her... If I lost her I'd lose everything, I wouldn't be  _me_ anymore.

"Daddy's got you love... Always." I whispered, as she continued to press herself into me as much as she could, tiny hands still fisted into my shirt. Her sobs had stopped but I felt her burning up in my arms so I excused myself from Harry's lap and walked to the kitchen, sitting her on the bench as I grabbed something frozen (a bag of peas) from Harry's freezer to press to her forehead. 

"You not feeling well, bug?" I hummed, her whole body seeming to slump, eyes flickering shut as she sat there - little sniffles coming from her body. She shook her head but took well to the ice pack against her forehead, leaning into it. At first I thought it may be because of the crying but I remember she'd been a bit dozy all day. "Harry, I'm gonna take her home and put her to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" 

He appeared in the kitchen doorway, frowning as he saw the frozen bag of peas pressed to my daughter's skin. "Is something wrong?" 

"She's a bit poorly, think I might book her a doctor’s appointment if it carries on but she's usually only ill for a couple days. So I doubt I'll need to, cus you're a strong little rose aren't you?"

She nodded and opened her arms for me, allowing me to scoop her up into my chest - the peas still pressed to her forehead. Harry stepped closer and pressed a sweet kiss to her plush cheek, her lips curving into a tiny smile at the contact. "Thank you, Hawwy... See soon?" 

"Of course, little flower. As soon as I can," He hummed, draping his arm across my shoulder and pressing a kiss to my cheek too. I leant into the touch and smiled softly, feeling safe in his arms. Everything seemed so amazing, so right for the first time in a long time. "I'll see you tomorrow, love." 

I passed him the peas and pressed one final kiss to his lips before walking out of the flat and into my own, rubbing soothing circles at the bottom of Rowan's spine as she drifted off in my arms. After changing her into her PJs and laying her only under the thin sheet on her bed instead of her duvet, I filled her Sippy-cup with water to place by her bedside table. I pressed a final soft kiss to her forehead before heading to my room and climbing into my own bed despite the early hour. My fingers pulled the soft covers up to my shoulders and I let out a soft yawn before letting my mind wander to what Harry could possibly get planned in a day for our date. 

_Date._

I still couldn't believe I had a date, with Harry no less. I couldn't lie, part of me was still worried things would go to shit or he'd get a call from a hook-up and ditch me for them... As much as I'd like to say he wasn't like that, today was the first day he'd shown he wasn't. But this date was his chance to prove that whatever we had wasn't just a fling, that I  _meant_ something to him. 

My lips curved into a smile and I buried my face into the pillow as I began to think of our potential future together... I like him so much. Let's just hope he proves he feels the same way.

 

*******

**Harry’s POV**

By the time that Louis was knocking on my door, I’d been ready for hours, pacing around the living room like the complete and utter mess I was, wringing my hands and running them through my hair until I couldn’t take anymore, practically hovering by the door until the moment I heard a tentative knock on my front door. I stopped in front of my floor length mirror and gave myself the once over and hoping that I didn’t look like a complete tit. I knew I needed to be warm but not look like an overly layered homeless man, so I’d paired a pale blue t-shirt with a white fluffy body warmer that he would either laugh at or love – and I prayed for it to be the latter – and squeezed into my tightest pair of black skinny jeans, shoving my feet into a pair of brown boots and running my fingers through my hair until I was presentable enough. I was breathless and giddy with excitement as I flung the door open, the handle slamming into the wall and cracking the plaster… So worth it.

Louis had a shy smile on his face, his hands clasped behind his back as he looked up at me with wide eyes, watching me as I just stared at him with a dropped jaw. It really wasn’t fair how attractive he was, and the outfit he was wearing just highlighted that, his blue denim jeans hugging all the right places, the ankles turned up in what he would inevitably call a fashion statement, but really it was just because he jeans were far too long for his little legs. His white shirt wasn’t overly tight, but made his skin glow and I felt my cock twitch in interest when I realised that it was translucent, the waistband of his Calvin Klein boxers clearly visible, along with the tempting tattoo across his collarbones that I wanted nothing more than to cover with love bites. His jacket – plush, brown and suede – looked like something I’d taken from my wardrobe and given away because it was too small, but _good God_ did he work it.

It took me a few minutes to realise that I was shamelessly gawping and by then it was too late to cover it up with a lame excuse, a small smirk spreading across his painfully gorgeous face. “Hey…”

“… You…” He looked me up and down critically before cracking up into the most adorable giggles. “What are you wearing?”

I could feel the heat spreading across my face at his words. I knew he’d laugh at the body warmer, I just knew it. “It’s chilly, okay?”

“S’cute…” He reached out with a trembling hand, running his nimble fingers over the plush material.

“Maybe we can swap jackets later… Let’s go.”

“So what do you have planned, Styles?” I should have known that he was going to be the sort of date who nosed about and asked where we were going all the time; he was far too stubborn for his own good and would really hate surprises… Well tough.

I leaned forward and kisses his forehead softly, letting my lips linger as I felt him relax under my touch. “It’s a surprise.”

He sighed when I refused to tell him where we were going, casting a longing look over at his flat where I could hear Niall and Zayn giggling with Rowan, “I really want you to tell me, H… Not because I hate surprises but…” He sighed again, running his hands through his hair. “Rowan’s quite poorly and I just don’t want to be away from her for too long.”

“We’re not going too far, love… And Niall or Zayn will call us if something isn’t okay. Please just let me treat you with this surprise, okay? I promise that if you’re still uncomfortable with leaving the little flower I’ll take you straight home and we can all watch Disney movies together.”

“Come on then…” He looked up at me with slightly teary eyes. “Surprise me.”

I was quick to drag him down to the car, not giving him a chance to change his mind as I unlocked the car and held the passenger door open for him – like a _proper_ gentleman – before climbing in myself and setting off. “You look incredible tonight, love.”

His skin turned a delicious shade of pink when I complimented him, and I fought hard to suppress the smirk that threatened to make its way onto my face, “Thank you… I didn’t know you had a car, it’s nice.”

“Thanks,” I swapped the potential smirk for a soft, genuine smile. “I know it’s not much but… I work hard for what I have.”

“… What do you do, H? Like as a job.” _Shit,_ I thought, _I’ve never actually told him what I do_. It dawned on me then that he probably thought that I spent all day doing fuck all in my flat, only emerging to find a warm body for the night… _Great_.

“I run a small chain of bakeries, started them from scratch.” His eyes widened in surprise and I fought back a scoff. What did he expect me to be, a pimp?

“A baker?” His grin was surprised, yet fond… A weird combination. “Wow, I would never have guessed that… I’m impressed.”

It was time to break out the quiet bragging. “Have you been to Rosie’s in town?”

“One of my colleagues always brings in some beautiful cupcakes from there.”

“Who do you think bakes and decorates them?” I quirked an eyebrow, trying to fight back the blush that was heating up my neck when he complimented my baking.

“You?!” _Wow, what a vote of confidence._ “Wow H, I never would have put you down as a baker.”

“I hide out back and bake all day,” I laughed at how lame that sounded. “Nothing special.”

“I-I…” He stumbled over his words and I fought the urge to coo, but nothing could prepare me for what he said yes, a dark blush smattering across his cheeks. “I honestly thought you had to be a model or something.”

I’d never been shy about my laugh, but I was so embarrassed at the belly laugh that I couldn’t control bubbled from my lips, echoing around the car. A model? Was he taking the piss? “I’m too ugly for that.”

“Are you kidding?! God, Harry, you’re the most gorgeous person to ever grace this earth…”

_Is this genuine? Pretty sure he needs to go to Specsavers, to be honest. Most gorgeous person, my arse._

“Thanks…” I found myself focussing more than I usually would on the road, avoiding his eyes as the light blush that coloured my cheeks darkened. “But I’m not… My friend’s agency said I was _‘too froggy’_ ”

His voice dropped to a mumble, but he was definitely underestimating how close we were, because I heard every word that he muttered, “A sexy frog.” I was torn between kissing him senseless and taking his hand and placing over my crotch to show him just what he did to me, so I simply took his hand in mine and raised it to my lips, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles, ignoring his wide eyes when he realised that I had only one hand on the steering wheel.

“Are we nearly there?” His bottom lip jutted out in the most kissable pout I’d ever seen, but I fought the need to pull over and just kiss him senseless, instead just turning into a field that was all too familiar to me, a painful throwback to the shitty time I had with Ethan. It was probably one of the most ridiculous ideas I’d ever had, to take the most amazing man I’d ever met to a place that had so many memories… But I wanted to make new ones… Better ones.

“Nearly, cutie.” The impatient little groan that erupted from his lips sent me into another fit of laughter, the sound becoming wobbly as the car wobbled over the rough terrain leading to our destination.

“Fiiiiiiiine.”

“Hush your pretty face, baby,” He simply giggled and bit his lip, and I smiled fondly, pulling to a stop. “I feel so lucky right now.”

“I’m nothing special.” The way he shook off the compliment was so blasé that it made my chest ache. How could he not see it?

“You _are_ joking, right?”

“No, not at all… I’m just Louis.”

“Louis,” My tone was rude, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. How could he be so unobservant? “You’re fucking perfect.”

His smile was saying _‘you’re so cute’_ but his eyes were saying _‘you’re so ridiculous’_ as he shook his head slowly. “I’m just teacher/Dad/Louis.”

I gawped. He _was_ serious. “Beautiful, funny, kind, sweet, doting father Louis who is honestly the most perfect man I’ve ever met.”

“You’re crazy,” He blushed – he was doing quite a lot of that, I noted – and looked out of the window, pausing for a moment. “Are we there _now_?”

I took advantage of his lack of attention and grabbed a scarf from my glovebox, wrapping it around his eyes as quickly as possible. “We’re here.”

“Goddamnit, Harry!”

I kissed the swell of his bottom lip as it jutted out in a frustrated pout, and the crease between his eyebrows smoothed out. “Don’t be grumpy.”

“Then hurry up, because blindfolds suck!”

I leaned in close, letting him feel my breath fanning across his face as I kisses his cheek, trailing a single fingertip along his thigh, my voice turning husky as I whispered in his ear. “You sure about that?”

“Y-yeah…” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed heavily, and I barely resisted the urge to press a soft kiss to it, instead chuckling under my breath.

“We’ll test that one day…” He blushed – how did he make that so attractive? It wasn’t fair – and I jumped out of the car, pretty much sprinting around the front and yanking the door open for him, guiding him out and trying not to get too giddy over the fact that he was relying on my and trusting me more than he ever had before. “When I said that I was lucky, I meant that I was lucky because I didn’t think you’d give me a chance… So thank you for that.”

“Don’t thank me… You’ve got a good friend in Erin,” _Don’t I freaking know it? She’s incredible_. “I definitely wouldn’t ask someone out for the guy I have a crush on.”

_Oh my god, that’s me!_

“She knows that I wouldn’t look twice at anyone else when you’re in my life.” _Was that smooth enough? I really hope so_.

“You’re ridiculous, Harry Styles.” I couldn’t help but swoon at the way my name rolled so easily from his lips, with such fondness compared to the way that he used to spit it with such disgust.

“I’m not, I just like you, Louis… Like a lot…”

He smiled cheekily and squeezed my hand softly, biting his lip to fight back laughter. “How much I like you will depend on how much longer I have to keep this bloody blindfold on.”

We entered the oh-so familiar clearing and I held my breath as I pulled the blindfold away, my breath caught in my throat as he looked around at the setting Niall and I had rushed to create in a day. The clearing was large and round, the ground carpeted with daisies and plush, green grass, and the centrepiece was an old, large willow tree, the leaves nearly brushing the ground and creating a thin, green veil, under which there was a thick, purple patterned blanket and a wicker basket full to the brim with food that I’d slaved over, next to which there was an ice bucket and a bottle of champagne. Niall had taken the liberty of somehow threading fairy lights through the delicate foliage, giving the whole place a fairy tale atmosphere: it was better than I ever could have hoped.

“Oh…” Louis’ jaw had dropped, and my heart was in my throat, did he hate it? “This… _Wow…_ ”

“I-Is this okay?” _Please, please, please let this be something he likes… I can’t fuck this up again_.

“God Harry, it’s _perfect_.” He pulled his hand from mine and sudden I felt a little colder without him beside me, the gorgeous object of my affections taking a few, small steps towards the blankets, gently running the tips of his fingers over the expanse of the leaves before disappearing through them and looking around in awe.

“You like it?” He nodded quickly, tracing the gnarls of the bark with his index finger. “This is somewhere very special to me… I thought you’d like it.”

“It’s bloody gorgeous.”

_This is it, Styles, time to woo him with your incredible way with words._

“It reminded me of you, Baby.”

_Wow, Styles… How romantic, good job you-_

I was pulled out of my self-deprecating internal monologue by one of Louis’ small hands cupping the back of my neck and bringing me down into a soft, affection filled kiss which soon reached the right side of heated. As he pulled back, his smile was giddy, his chest rising and falling quickly as he fought to catch his breath and I found myself wondering whether his heart was pounding as quickly as mine was. “Let’s eat, H. I’m starving.”

“I cooked and baked everything we’re about to eat,” He sat down and patted the space next to him, spreading his arm so I could curl up into his side. “You’re incredible.”

He turned so he was half hugging me, resting his chin on my shoulder and humming. “You too.”

My treacherous voice wobbled as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I really hoped he’d be ok with me. “Louis, I…”

From what I could see, his face had fallen into a frown. “… Yeah?”

“I really, _really_ like you.”

“I really-” But the he cut himself off, squirming in my arms as he turned his head, staring at something before he pulled out of my grip completely, brushing off a lower portion of the tree trunk, his face completely falling into a bitter scowl. “Oh… I guess that explains why this place is special.”

I froze as he revealed the – now ancient – carving that I barely remembered making in the tree, a crude heart surrounding a hastily scrawled ‘ _Harry + Ethan 4ever’_ and bringing back so many terrible memories that I’d tried so hard to forget. “I…”

“I…” Louis didn’t tear his eyes away from the marks on the tree, his scowl turning into a dejected frown, the eyes I was so desperate to see light up with happiness suddenly welling up with unshed tears… And it was all my fault. “I think I want to go home.”

“Louis,” I was such a fuck up, why was I even bothering to try and keep him around? He deserved so much better. “Please.”

“Harry…” I could tell just from the way that he spoke that he was hurt. That _I’d_ hurt him. “You… You brought me to a place where you carved your name next to another guy’s on a bloody tree!”

“Because I wanted to make better memories here!” That was it. It was the moment where I realised that Louis needed to know the whole truth. Right from the very beginning of my shit storm of a relationship with Ethan up until the bitter end. I was going to have to rip open wounds that were so old that they were practically faint scars, and it would either make or break us.

“I… I don’t want to be a rebound.”

“You’re not!” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, matching the ones that Louis was clearly fighting back. “You’re everything he wasn’t, Louis… Everything!”

His whole, small body was trembling with the effort he was putting in to stop himself from breaking down. “I-I…”

This was it, the moment of truth. I wiped my eyes and inhaled deeply, my chest constricting as I tore open all the mental and emotional scars that I’d gained during my years with Ethan. “He used to treat me like shit, Louis, and I thought that was love, I thought that meant that someone cared! But…” I choked on my own words, and Louis moved so he was sat opposite me, his legs crossed and our knees touching.

“But what?”

“But it wasn’t! _This,_ ” I gestured to the two of us with frantic movements, trying to put my point across. “ _This_ is caring and being cared for! I thought that it was fine for him to tell me that nobody but him would ever love me, to tell me that I’d only ever be good for sex…”

I trailed off and Louis just paused for a moment before flinging himself into my lap, crashing his lips onto mine in a kiss so passionate and heated that I was sure my lips would bruise, my arms snaking around his waist as my tears finally escaped, trailing down my cheeks as I held him close. I felt nothing but safe as his thighs bracketed my waist, leaving him fully seated in my lap as his arms wrapped around my neck. Looking back on it, that was the moment when I realised that I was his, that he’d ruined me for anyone else, because he was _home_. And with that in mind, I hid my face from view, burying it in his neck and trying – but failing – not to be too obvious when inhaling his familiar scent.

“I’m sorry…” His voice was a mere mumble. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to be a complete twat.”

His legs tightened around me and squeezed my sides as I shook, the wave of sadness that came from opening up old wounds finally hitting me. “I-It’s fine.”

“No, no, no it’s not, I ruined our date.”

“No you haven’t.”

He huffed like a disgruntled toddler. “I have, don’t lie… You’re shaking and crying because of me.”

“Not because of you… Because of _him_.”

“Well screw him,” My heart swelled at the fondness in his voice as he pressed his lips to mine once more, a kiss far more gentle than any I had had ever received, giving me the chance to indulge in the feeling of his pillowy lips against mine. “This is about us now.”

“You…” How was it that someone so small in stature managed to make me feel so small myself? “You mean so much to me.”

He came to rest his forehead against mine, his breath fanning across my face as he cupped my cheek, grazing his thumb across it in a deliciously tender gesture. “You’re adorable…”

How could he be so sweet after everything he thought I was doing to him? “D-Did you really think that I only wanted you f-for sex?”

“… At first I did,” Louis’ voice was full of shame at his admission, his eyes cast down as he avoided making eye contact. “But when I saw how you were with Rowan… You’re just so great. And then I _finally_ noticed the way that you looked at me and it was like… It was the same way Rowan looks at me, and I didn’t think anyone else would ever look at me like that.”

“I was such an idiot; I can’t believe I just slept around when I could have been spending time with you… With Rowan.”

“You didn’t even know she existed until recently,” His chuckle was low and throaty, and I felt goose bumps rising up along my arms. “How could you have spent time with her?”

I sighed, relaxing against him as he traced patterns on my shoulders. “If I wasn’t such a prick, and I didn’t sleep around, would you have told me about her sooner?”

“I don’t really tend to tell people that I have a daughter unless I plan on keeping them in my life.” I couldn’t tell whether I wanted to smile or cry as he told me that little titbit of information; it just showed me how far we’d come. We’d gone from me being disposable, someone Louis didn’t want to keep as a permanent feature in his life, to me being someone he wanted to get to know and let into his life. It was insane.

“You wouldn’t have wanted to keep me around?” Like I didn’t already know the answer to that.

“That was a yes, I would have told you sooner. I don’t like bringing people into her life if they’re not going to stick around, y’know? She’s young, she doesn’t understand why people leave.”

And then it dawned on me, why he was so awkward in my kitchen the day that Erin turned up, why he told me that it was complicated… Because he thought I’d leave them. “Is that why you said that me knowing complicated things? Because you didn’t think that I’d stick around?”

He nodded slowly, bringing his eyes up to look at me, blue eyes meeting green. “And Erin showing up didn’t exactly help how I felt…”

“I wasn’t in a good place when I invited her out… it was weeks ago and I was convinced that you wanted nothing to do with me… It just reminded me of what Ethan said and I wanted to forget.”

“And then you went to the beach with her instead of coming over and explaining that to me?” From anyone else, the question would have been bitter and malicious, but there was an amused lilt to Louis’ tone, his eyebrow raised as he watched my reaction.

“She’s persuasive… And then I heard Rowan and realised how much I’d hurt her, I couldn’t forgive myself for that, and I knew that I’d face a lot more hurt if I tried to talk to you after doing something so horrible to your little girl.”

Louis buried his face in my neck, and I could feel his lips brushing against the sensitive skin as he spoke. “I don’t blame you, she was really pretty.”

_Bring it back, Styles. He’s finally got some faith in you, you need to seal the deal now._

“She looked a lot like you, it’s why I hit on her in the first place.”

“You calling me pretty?” He sounded offended, but it was all a ruse, the pink flush on his cheeks telling me that he was far from cross with my compliment.

“I’m calling you beautiful.”

The flush on his cheeks turned from a light dusting of pink to a dark smattering of a red and he shifted a little on my lap. “I can’t believe I’m sat here being complimented by a man who looks like a bloody God…”

I was pretty sure that, in that moment, my cheeks were a darker shade of red than his were so I just covered my face with my hands. “No I don’t.”

His skinny fingers wrapped around my wrists and gently tugged my hands away, a fond smile that was becoming wonderfully familiar appearing on his face and brightening his features. “Yes you do… If you look up perfect in the dictionary it’ll have your name right there.”

“Pretty sure it’d say Louis Tomlinson.”

He shook his head, feathery strands of his chestnut hair tickling my cheek. “Nope, definitely not.”

I took his chin between my thumb and index finger, guiding his lips to mine for a chaste, soft kiss. “Stop denying it, you’re the prettiest man I know.”

After a few moments, and myself asking Louis multiple times whether or not I’d embarrassed him, Louis clambered out of my lap and onto the blanket next to me, curling up against my side with a soft smile. “Shall we eat some of this food? Don’t want it to go to waste now, do we?”

We dug into the food, Louis in particular showing extra earnest after telling me that he figured I’d have something to do with food planned and therefore didn’t eat all day like the strange little man he is. Every other mouthful pulled a borderline pornographic moan from his lips, and it was all I could do to stop myself from taking him there and then, picnic be damned; but I had more respect than that, and I wasn’t going to try and push him for sex on what was hopefully the first of many dates. So I settled for watching him with a soft smile on my face, laughing when he tried to shove too many strawberries in his mouth and ended up looking like a crazed hamster, sweet, syrupy juices dripping from the corner of his mouth like something out of some weird, cult horror movie. It was a beautiful evening, and as I gently wiped the juice away with the pad of my thumb, I knew that there was nothing that could ruin it. Well that was until a torch light shone through the thin green veil that had cut us off from the rest of the world, popping the romantic, little bubble we’d been trapped in.

“What the fuck?”

Louis squinted at the bright light with a frown. “Why are there people here?”

“I dunno,” I shrugged, holding my hand up to block the light from Louis’ eyes. “Somebody probably thought it’d be a good date spot like I did.”

Just as I finished speaking, a low voice permeated our hushed whispers. “Wow fairy lights, babe you didn’t have to do this.”

Louis looked at me, his eyes wide and frantic as he tossed our food back into the basket. “Harry, what the fuck do we do?”

“Sorry guys, this spot’s taken!” I grinned at Louis after shouting at the intruders, but all that achieved was the light being shone directly at us, momentarily blinding me as I scrabbled to cover Louis’ eyes.

“What the fuck, that’s bright.” Normally I’d laugh and call him Captain Obvious, but I was too caught up in working out who the fuck was interrupting us, squinting in the general direction of the torch light.

“Move your fucking torch, mate!” In their defence, the light switched off, but me giving them the benefit of the doubt ended when the leaves divided, a stranger slipping through the gap before letting it fall shut again and turning to face us. I was met with a face that somewhat resembled my own but with bright blue eyes that shone in the lights that Niall had hung up. His face was soft and confused as he looked at me and then back at the figure on the other side of the leaves, his pink lips curved down in a frown as he nervously ran a hand through his messy brown hair before tugging on the hem of his silk, polka dot shirt. He looked scarily like me, but had features that resembled Louis’ as well, and I felt my heart constrict at the sight of the shirt he was wearing; I had one exactly like it, but left it with Ethan in my haste to escape from him. Bad memories, so many bad memories.

“I-I…” He was timid, but his voice held a deep timbre that I could see sent a shiver down Louis’ spine, but that didn’t matter, not when the leaves parted once more and the second figure slipped through with a deep chuckle.

“Well, well, well… That’s not very polite, is it H?” No. No it couldn’t be. I couldn’t see him, not again. But I saw the broad shoulders constricted by a tight, white t-shirt, biceps bulging at the sleeves; my eyes wandering down the built chest and defined abs and then travelling up to the ever familiar smirk held on plush, pink lips and a cynical look in the icy blue eyes that stared at me. His hair was a little longer, and his beard was a lot thicker, but it was still the same, gorgeous man I used to think I loved.

_Ethan._

I couldn’t deal with it, couldn’t deal with seeing him, couldn’t deal with realising that he really _did_ have a type. I couldn’t have him near Louis, let alone near me, so I was quick to ignore him, barely registering the fact that Louis had ripped my hand away from his face to stare at the man who’d made the whole situation awkward.

“E-Ethan…” I gripped Louis’ hand, digging my nails into the flesh without realising how much it must have hurt, just needing to anchor myself for a moment.

“Hello, Little Bird,” I flinched at the nickname that he’d given me all those years ago, no longer full of endearment like it first was, but full of malice as he set his eyes on Louis. “Who’s your friend?”

Said _friend_ quickly stood up, using my vice like grip on his hand to his advantage and yanking me up with him. He was fidgeting, shuffling his feet and refusing to look anywhere but at the ground, and it freaked me out – surely him being by my ex wasn’t putting him off me, was it? “Come on, H, let’s go,” He was flushed, and not in the cute, pleasant way he was before; it was like he was nervous and embarrassed. “We… We were just leaving.”

The Harry/Louis love child as I had dubbed him, huffed, folding his arms. The arms that were covered by _my_ old shirt. Bet he didn’t know _that_. “Thank God.”

Oh _fuck_ no. That bastard had ruined a good portion of my life, he wasn’t going to ruin this too.

I glared at the man in _my_ shirt, sitting back down in a small act of defiance. “No babe, we’re staying… _They_ can find somewhere else to sit.”

But Ethan wasn’t glaring back at me; he was _still_ staring at Louis, a smirk I recognised all too well marring his features that I used to find so attractive. It was his _‘I’ve got one up on you’_ smirk, and it made my stomach churn. “I remember you.”

Louis made some obscene nose as he choked on his own spit, playing it off with an awkward laugh as he swallowed heavily, “What? No you don’t. I’ve never seen you before in my life.” He was speaking too fast and his Adam’s apple was bobbing. _Liar_.

“Lou…” I wanted to sound firm, rough, rather than soft and feeble like I had been when Ethan was in the picture, but I couldn’t. My voice was weak and worried. “You’re being weird.”

“Yes you have…” The shit eating smirk was still on Ethan’s face as his cold eyes darted from Louis, to me and then back to Louis. “We met at a bar once, had a lot of fun in the back seat of my car if I remember rightly… You’re very lucky, Little Bird, Lou is a responsive one.”

Louis was frozen to the spot, pointedly avoiding all eye contact with me, which was probably a good idea seeing as Ethan’s revelation was enough to put me on the brink of bursting into tears, my heart clenching and feeling like it was shattering in my chest when I realised that Louis had been with Ethan, and he wasn’t going to tell me. “I-I…”

“Lou?” There I was again with the weak voice. I was pathetic.

“Oh, I’m sorry…” Ethan sounded far from it, his date just standing next to him, silent. “He didn’t tell you? My bad.”

_Your bad? Yes, it is your bad… Let me kick you in the balls and then tell you it’s ‘my bad’, maybe then you’ll understand how I feel right now, you egotistical bag of dicks._

“I-I swear I didn’t know it was him… I-I, he…” The blood had drained from Louis’ face, and if the way he was stammering and shaking told me he was sincere. “I didn’t recognise him from that Instagram photo because he was slimmer and because of the sunglasses and… And… If I know I… I c-couldn’t even remember his name and…”

I couldn’t stop shaking and my words were stuck in my throat; something that Ethan took full advantage of. “See, Little Bird, it’s just like I told you all those years ago… Nobody will care like I did.”

It was like he’d punched a hole in my chest, releasing all my inner demons as he reminded me of how worthless he made me feel, the familiar insecurities flooding back and nearly drowning me as I struggled to breathe. Clearly I was taking too long to reply, judging by the impatient huff that came from Ethan’s date, but at that moment in time, I couldn’t care less.

“H-Harry, I swear I didn’t know…” Louis knelt in front of me, reaching to take my hands, “I swear I didn’t know…” But I was still shaking, stewing on what Ethan had said.

 _Slut._  
Worthless.  
Nobody will ever care.  
Not like him.

I couldn’t help the squeak that left my lips. “I-Is he right, Lou?”

Louis opened his mouth to reply, but Ethan beat him to it with a scoff. “Of course I am! I was the only person on this planet patient enough to love your whiny ass to love you, you little shit. You’re only good for one thing to everyone else.”

“N-No he’s not, H. I care about you so, so much…” I was so out of it and absorbed in my own thoughts that I hadn’t realised that Louis’ had started crying, his chest heaving as he tried to control his emotions. Some date this was turning out to be. He rested his forehead against my own, taking my hands in his with a tight, unwavering grip and blocking Ethan from my line of sight. “Y-You’re so important to me.”

My heart swelled at the admission, and I found myself growing in confidence. With Louis by my side, I was home, and I was _not_ the boy that Ethan made me out to be. I’d grown up, I was a man, not a child and I knew that one day, Louis could be the person to show me what love really was. I glared at Ethan with eyes that I sure were cold and detached. “You need to leave.”

“Oh do I now?”

I held onto Louis, kissing the top of his head, “You’ve ruined my life enough…” My eyes shot to Ethan’s date, boyfriend, whatever and a sympathetic smile spread across my lips. “The man standing next to you will emotionally and mentally manipulate and abuse you until you’re left feeling worthless and like he’s you’re only option… I’d suggest that you get out while you still can.”

_Please, for the love of God, listen to me._

“You worthless little _slut_ …” The way that Ethan spat out the word was nothing like the way that Louis did, and it felt like I’d been stabbed in the chest with a serrated knife. “How dare you?”

One moment Louis was practically in my lap with his face buried in my neck, but as soon as the word _slut_ left Ethan’s lips he was on his feet, charging towards the – considerably larger – man in question and landing a strong punch to his nose, “How dare _you_?!” He snarled, and for the first time since I’d met him, Louis seemed truly intimidating. “Harry is a million times the man you’ll ever be!”

My eyes flashed down to Ethan’s hands and saw that his fists were clenched. Now, I’d never been on the end of his bad temper physically, but I knew full well that he could pack a punch far harder than Louis could, so I rushed forward, standing between the two of them which made Ethan snort. “You don’t get to hurt him.”

“You really think he cares, Little Bird?”

Louis hands were clenched tightly, twisting into the fabric of my body warmer as he trembled behind me, and I felt him nuzzle his nose into the fluff, using it as a safety blanket and trying to hide away from Ethan. Speaking of the buffoon in front of us, he was ignoring his date who was stood there in tears, simply glaring at me with clenched fists instead.

“You wanna hit me now, E? Gone through the mental scarring so now you want to physically bruise me too? Go on, fucking do it… Show your date what a monster you really are.”

The man I’d once loved was shaking with anger, a trait I knew and had committed to memory after so many years of experiencing it. His date, who was clearly shaken by everything he’d seen and heard, reached out for Ethan, and my eyes practically bugged out of their sockets when the light flashed off of a silver ring on the ring finger of his left hand. _They were engaged_. That poor bastard.

“I hope for your sake that he’s changed, because he never once expressed an interest in getting engaged to me, so you must be special… But please think long and hard about the type of man you’re planning on marrying.”

“You little _whore_!” Ethan lunged for me, but I was quicker than him, somehow managing to shove Louis back and also grab my moronic ex by the throat and throwing him to the floor, crouching over him with a stony look on my face. I hated him, I’d never hated anyone or anything more than I hated him for ruining my life and, more importantly, for scaring and picking on _my_ Louis.

“I’m not that weak kid anymore, E, you can’t control me or push me around.”

Louis sniffled from behind and he instantly had my whole attention, and my heart ached at the tears spilling down his pale cheeks. “C-Can we go home, H? I-I… I don’t want to be here anymore…”

Ethan’s fiancé swallowed heavily and looked down at the ring which must have felt so heavy on his finger, and I was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. If he’d wanted to marry Ethan, then he must have been happy… And if I’d ruined that happiness then I’d never forgive myself. Love is love, and if Ethan found someone he truly treated well then there was something good in that. But salvaging my ex’s relationship wasn’t my priority, the man sniffling in my arms was, and I did my best to let him know that I cared, pulling him tightly against my chest and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“Of course, Baby Bear. We’ll leave the food for them to enjoy and then we can go home, okay?” He just buried his face in my chest, squeezing his arms around me and whimpering softly. What was wrong with him?

“I…” Ethan’s eyes flew to his date, who looked completely broken and lost as he stared at the ring on his finger, toying with it as if he was contemplating taking it off. “I think I should go too.”

When I told Ethan that I was leaving him, there was no emotion on his face, no evident of heartbreak or sadness. But when his fiancé muttered those words, I saw his entire face crumple, his shoulders slumping and tears streaming down his cheeks as he stared at the man that he was so much more in love with than he ever was with me. It should have hurt, to truly realise that there was no true love in it, but what hurt more was realising that I was partially to blame for the defeated man in front of me feeling so awful. And while I was trying to coax Louis into talking to me, he was pleading with him to stay.

“N-No, Seb, you can’t leave me…”

“Louis, babe, look at me.” Louis just shook his head, whispering in my ear about his desire to leave, but I was transfixed on the interaction between Seb and Ethan, secretly rooting for Ethan to pull it back.

“Y-you promised you’d get better… Th-This isn’t better…”

“I can, I will!” Where he would have sounded bored and insincere with me, Ethan was earnest and desperate as he grabbed Seb’s hands, holding them tightly like he was the only thing keeping him grounded.

I looked down at Louis briefly. “What’s wrong, bug?”

“H-Harry…” Seb’s trembling voice pulled me away from my worried for a short moment as he gazed at me with wide, tear filled eyes. “Will he?”

“Despite everything he put me through, I want Ethan happy… He always said that he’d never get married but he proposed to you, you make him happy… He’ll change for you, and if he doesn’t then I’ll kill him myself.” I sent a pointed glare to Ethan, just hammering my message home.

His eyes widened and he took a step closer to me, his face the definition of shocked at my confession. “H-Harry, I…”

Seb took a tentative step forward, looking at Ethan before throwing himself into his arms and sobbing into his neck, the gesture intimate and almost too much for me to be watching, so I tugged Louis away, but not before hearing Seb whisper, “I love you, I love you so much, please don’t leave me.”

It didn’t take long for us to reach the car, Louis dragging me with a desperation that I hadn’t seen in him before, and it took a ridiculous amount of strength to stop him in his tracks, spinning him round and looking into his eyes, the beautiful blue dulled and sad. “What’s wrong?”

“Just take me home…” His voice was quiet and barely there as he shook his head and frowned slightly. “ _Please_.”

_Good job, Styles, you spent so much time focussing on your emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend and his new lover that you made Louis feel like shit because it’s like he isn’t important to you, you goddamn fuck up._

“O-Oh… Sorry.”

Louis eyes widened and he was quick to reach up on his tiptoes, kissing me softly and sweetly. “N-No, don’t apologise… It’s not your fault! I-I… I just want to be alone right now.”

_Liar. He just wants to be away from you because all he’ll ever be able to see you as is a slut and an idiot who’s afraid of commitment. Way to go, Harry._

I was silent as I lead Louis to the car, and I knew that Louis could feel how tense I was, because the hand I had in a tight grip squeezed mine gently, just a feeble move but enough to tell me that he was trying to reassure me, my lips feebly twitching into a small smile at the gesture.

“I’m sorry tonight was ruined; I just wish you’d tell me what was wrong so I can make it right.” I admitted as we reached the car, my voice soft but seeming oh so loud in the night time silence.

“Not yet… I need to… Process it all first. I-I’m just a bit…” Louis gestured wildly with his hands, and I immediately knew that he was really finding it hard to explain, so I tried to probe a little more.

“Was it Ethan…?”

_No, it was you, because you’re a colossal fuck up._

“… Partially.”

_See, told you so._

“Me?”

“No, not you.”

_He’s lying to stop you from feeling bad._

He clambered into the car and I followed suit, still questioning as we did up our seatbelts. “… His date?”

“… Partially. Babe, I’m shattered… Can we… I…” Louis rubbed his eyes and yawned softly, and I knew that it was my cue to stop probing, simply turning the key in the ignition and shooting Louis a worried frown.

“Are you going to be okay on your own?”

“Just need sleep.” He grunted, and promptly fell asleep as we reached a less bumpy terrain, his forehead crinkled and his lips turned down in a sad and bothered frown even in slumber.

_What the fuck happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words cannot describe how fun this was for both of us to write! Hope you enjoy
> 
> All the love x
> 
> P.S. Find me (LittleMissAshIrwin) on Tumblr @ the-rope-to-his-anchor :P


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

 

**Louis POV**

"Hi? Mrs Wheeler? Hi, yes, it's Louis... I'm not going to be able to make it in for a few days, my little girl is really ill and the GP was booked up until Friday..." 

My eyes flickered down to the small bed beside me where Rowan was cuddling with an ice pack to keep her temperature down. She had gotten worse since the day at the beach and had a high fever; she was generally  _smaller_  and it was worrying me. Usually she'd be over an illness in about a day but she seemed to be getting worse and I was struggling to hold myself together. I was moments away from taking her to the hospital but I didn't want to be  _that_ parent... It was just a fever, she'd be fine, right? I knew googling her symptoms would take me to the worst case scenario so I thought it would be best to talk to a professional. I didn't want to get panicked over nothing... Every kid gets sick sometimes... Just not  _this_ sick.

"Mum said she'll look after her on Friday until her appointment so I can work then..." I said, struggling to stop my voice from breaking as I pinched the bridge of my nose. My body shook almost in time with the rain pattering against the window as I stood beside her bed and I could barely keep myself grounded. I slid across the room and drew the curtains, darkening the room and muffling the thumping rain against the glass.

I thanked my boss and quickly hung up as her nose began to bleed again... Scratch being worried; I was  _terrified._  I scooped up the burning toddler into my arms and rushed her into the bathroom to clean her up - not missing the fresh bruise on her elbow, adding to the collection she seemed to be getting with any little bump she made. 

I had to fight back the tears as she slumped in my arms when I wiped at her nose, the bleed being over as quickly as it started. She looked up at me with sleepy, baby blue eyes and smiled softly before reaching out her tiny arms in my direction, as if I was her comfort blanket. A sniffle left my lips as I scooped her up, giving her back the ice pack that she'd grown fond of as I held her close to my chest, her chin resting against my shoulder as I slowly bounced her, my eyes closed. She was such a strong little girl and it was clear she was trying to be okay, trying to make sure I wasn't worried about her... And I was trying not to worry but this was completely different to anything I'd seen before.

"Wanna get some medicine, little rose?" I asked, my voice hushed as I walked into the kitchen and sat her in her chair. "Might make the owie go away..." 

She nodded and yawned, resting her head on the tray table attached to her chair - little eyes closing. I ran a frustrated hand over my face before rummaging through the cabinets for the fever medicine...  _Shit..._ We were out. I didn't exactly want to drag her out to the shops to get some so I tried to think of another option. 

_You could ask Harry?_

I banged my head against the cabinet and huffed; I hadn't spoken to Harry since I got home from the date a few days ago... I felt like such a whore. Of course it was bloody Ethan who had fingered me in the back of his car. I used to think Harry was the whore but it was  _me._ And I didn't want his first potential boyfriend to be like me... He needed someone kind, caring and not a bloody slut. Sure he slept with people but honestly? I'd fucked with his feelings when I slept with him and that was a complete twat move, and so much worse than having an active sex life. I was a manipulative bastard who cared about no one except his daughter and he needed... No, he deserved so much more than that.  _God, he deserved someone like Erin._  Which was why I'd been avoiding him. I knew it wasn't the right way to go about it but I was too much of a coward to say it to his face; especially because I didn't want to be responsible for the look on his face he gets when he was sad. The way his eyes seemed to go dull as they filled with tears, the way his bottom lip quivered as he tried to hold back from crying and the way his hands shook... 

My attention was drawn back to Rowan as she spluttered into her small hand and I realised I'd have to put all of that shit behind me because my baby was poorly. Nothing came before her wellbeing and if that meant talking to Harry... Well I was going to have to talk to Harry. A sigh left my lips and I slowly lifted her from her seat and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Wanna go see Harry, Ro? We've got no medicine but he might..." 

"Hawwy..." She hummed, burying her face into my shirt as her lips curved into the smallest of smiles. "Ro like Hawwy..." 

"Daddy like Harry too... Probably too much." I mumbled, burying my face into her soft hair. I hated how light she felt in my arms. It wasn't like she wasn't eating, because she was. But she just seemed to be getting thinner and thinner. 

I pushed open the door and sighed; my back meeting the wood as I leant back against it. She turned her head to look over at Harry's door as well - reaching her tiny hand towards the white paint. Moving forward, I allowed her to knock her tiny first into the door. 

 _Knock knock knock._ "Hawwy."  _Knock knock knock._ "Hawwy."  _Knock knock knock._ "Hawwy!" 

A little giggle left her lips after every knock, but the last turned into a broken cough and she hid her face back into my chest as I heard Harry unlock his door. As my gaze met his, his face seemed passive at first but then his lips curved into the smallest smile. 

"L-Lou... You're here..." He breathed. "You... You never called me... I-" 

"I know I know I'm sorry but this really isn't the time, do you have any fever medicine? Rowan is really sick and I-I have no medicine."

He frowned and nodded, stepping aside to let us in - his eyes travelling down to the tiny girl in my arms who had dozed off once again, sweat beading on her forehead. "Do you know what's wrong with her, love?" 

"N-No, GP is booked up until Friday" I sniffled, setting her down on the sofa with a cushion under her head. "Don't think she's sick enough for the hospital... I-I... She might be... I-I..."

He walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly as the tears began to roll freely down my cheeks. "Lou..." 

"I don't know what to do, Harry... I-I can't... My... She..." 

I found myself resting my face on her tummy, the smell of baby powder and lavender filling my nostrils as my tears rolled onto her shirt. She remained undisturbed by my sobs and I barely registered Harry kneeling down beside me, his large hand carding through my hair. We sat in silence for a while, only the sounds of my muffled sobs filling the flat. The man sat beside me sighed softly and pressed a chaste kiss to my temple, his thumb wiping the tears from my cheeks as his comforting green eyes ran across my skin. He smiled sweetly and let his hand go back to my hair; running it through with ease, his large fingers occasionally twisting the ends.

"It'll be okay, Lou... I promise..." He whispered, before getting up and heading to the kitchen, running at his eyes with sweater-paw clad hands. I lifted my head to look down at the sleeping girl on the sofa, brushing her hair from her face - little puffs of air coming from her parted lips as she rested peacefully.

_God, I hope he's right._

*******   
  


**Harry’s POV**

It had been days since I’d taken Louis out on the most disastrous first date in history, and I hadn’t heard a peep from him since. It was almost like he’d completely fallen off of the face of the earth; I didn’t even hear anything from his flat anymore, and it was worrying me. It wasn’t like I was angry with him for ignoring me; far from it really, I was just… _Empty_. Days just blurred together into a big mess of moping and procrastinating. It was like I didn’t know what to do with myself without Louis around me. There was no point hassling him, though, I knew that for sure, because I deserved to be ignored. I’d fucked up big time. But clearly, fate didn’t agree with my plan to mope for another month, because just as I was settling down to watch some Orange is the New Black, there was a persistent knocking at my door.  
 **  
**_Knock knock knock._ "Hawwy."  _Knock knock knock._ "Hawwy."  _Knock knock knock._ "Hawwy!" I knew that voice, I would recognise it anywhere. It belonged to the second most important person in my life, and butterflies erupted in my stomach when realisation hit me: if Rowan was at my door, she definitely wasn’t alone. Louis was here. Louis hadn’t forgotten me. Louis wanted to see me. I could hear her giggling, the beautiful sound tapering off into a hacking cough as I opened the door, knowing my eyes were betraying my excitement as green eyes met blue, my heart thumping in my chest.

I was so screwed.

"L-Lou... You're here... You... You never called me... I-"

_Way to sound desperate, Harry._

"I know I know I'm sorry but this really isn't the time, do you have any fever medicine? Rowan is really sick and I-I have no medicine."

 _Oh. So he’s not here for you… What a surprise._  

My gaze travelled down to the tiny girl in his arms, and it was only then that I noticed her appearance – she was pale, her forehead tacky and sweat sheened and her eyes sunken as she coughed, her chest rattling as she hunched over in her Father’s arms. "Do you know what's wrong with her, love?" 

"N-No, GP is booked up until Friday,” He followed me inside, setting the little bug down on my sofa with a heavy sigh, his hands trembling and the blood draining from his face as he looked up at me with worried eyes. "Don't think she's sick enough for the hospital... I-I... She might be... I-I..."

Tears dripped down his face and, damnit, I hated seeing him cry. It was the worst feeling in the world, knowing that it was upsetting him and there was very little I could do about it. So I simply placed my hand on his shoulder, trying to channel my thoughts and emotions through that one touch. _I’m here. It’s okay. I care about you. I’ll look after you._ "Lou..." 

"I don't know what to do, Harry... I-I can't... My... She..." 

He leaned down, burying his face into the softness of her top and inhaling deeply, surrounding himself with the familiar smell of his gorgeous little girl, and it was then that I understood: the worst feeling in the world wasn’t seeing the person you care about cry, it was sitting and watching the little human who was literally half of you suffer, and not know what was wrong. The poor little thing didn’t even move, and it broke my heart to see the guy I cared about sobbing so harshly; I could do nothing but kneel next to him and run my fingers through his caramel hair, gently untangling the knots as I soothed him. We sat in silence for a while, only the sounds of his sobs filling the flat. I leaned closer, tentative and cautious as I pressed a soft but quick kiss to his temple, cupping his cheeks and wiping away his tears as gently as I could. He looked up at me with wide, watery eyes, and I could do nothing more than smile at him, letting my fingers return to his hair, stroking and smoothing as I felt him relax a little.

"It'll be okay, Lou... I promise..." I pulled the sleeves of my jumper over my hands and pushed myself off of the floor, dashing into the kitchen and rifling through my medicine cupboard until I found something for her fever and throat. It was my turn to step up to the plate now, and show Louis that I was more than willing to look after Louis and his precious little girl even when he was convinced that I wouldn’t, because even if that didn’t win him over, at least he’d know that I cared. He was gently waking Rowan up when I returned, the small girl grumbling – just like her Dad – as he pulled her from dreamland to have her medicine. It pained me to see her so small and weak, but her eyes sparkled when she saw me, a slight flush tinting her otherwise pale cheeks.

“Hawwy!”

“Hey, my little flower, I’ve got something to make you feel a little better.” I handed Louis the medicine, a thick, cloying syrup Rowan would no doubt hate, but she swallowed it down like a champ, her eyes drooping as the medication kicked in.

“She… She’s so tired, Harry… I don’t know what to do.”

“You just need to wait and see what the Doctors say, Babe… But do you really think that stressing yourself out so much over this is going to help her?” I pressed another kiss to his temple before scooping Rowan up and tucking her in the guest bedroom, Louis following me like a lost puppy. “Seeing her Daddy all stressed and frantic probably freaked her out a little, if you’re calm, she’ll be calm.”

“Calm? How the fuck can I be calm when my baby girl is hurting?” It felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest with a breadknife as he looked into my eyes, the pure passion and fear seeping into his gaze.

I led him into my room and sat him on the bed, opening a drawer that had been long forgotten upon meeting Louis; a drawer filled with countless bottles and bowls, candles and incense and the plastic sheet I desperately needed, plucking it from the mass of unused things and tossing it to Louis.

“Put this on the bed.” The order prompted a sneer.

“What’s this going to be, therapeutic bed wetting? Taking me back to my childhood and erasing all the stress I feel as an adult? Newsflash, Harry, that’s creepy and not going to work.”

_He doesn’t trust you. Make him trust you._

“Lou,” I grabbed some bottles and bowls, placing them on the nightstand before taking an armful of candles and setting them up around the room, lighting them as I went. “Did you know that I’m a fully qualified masseuse?”

_Nice one, make him relax._

“Fuck off are you.”

My face flushed a deep red, something I hadn’t felt in days, not since our date. “I err… I learned because I knew that there was something deeply erotic about it, I knew that there would always be a way for me to get laid if I could give someone a massage with a happy ending… I never got to test it out, and I’m not going to make you my guinea pig in that department… But I’d like to help you relax, if you’d let me.”

“No funny business?” Louis’ brow was quirked, his eyes twinkling with amusement, no longer dull with stress. They were beautiful.

“No funny business, scout’s honour. Now may you _please_ put the sheet on my bed so the oil doesn’t sink into the mattress?”

He did as he was told, and my heart swelled when he stood in front of me, shuffling his feet as I rushed to the kitchen to heat up the oils and clean my hands. His pretty blue eyes were downcast, staring at a spot of Bolognese sauce I hadn’t washed out of the rug when I went through a period of eating whilst sat on a beanbag in my bedroom, and his cheeks were flecked with a dainty pink blush that got my heart racing. Stripping off the thick, lavender jumper I was bundled in and swapping it for a baggy white shirt, I tilted his chin up and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, barely bordering on being too close to his lips to be a simple act of comfort.

“Strip down to your underwear, love, and lie on your tummy, I’ll relax you enough, let you nap and then you two can stay for dinner.”

The dainty blush turned into a strong red flush, his eyes darkening at the suggestion, but he complied nonetheless peeling off his shirt and trackies, and revealing his flawless, golden skin to me. It was hard not to ravish him there and then, but I restrained myself, helping to position him on the bed in a way that wouldn’t strain his neck.

“Is this too hot?” I dripped a spot of oil onto the small of his back, my cock stiffening in my boxers at the way his spine arched obscenely. A small whimper escaped his lips and I stifled a groan, simply wiping the excess oil from his flesh.

“N-No… S’fine, it just shocked me, that’s all.” With that confirmation in hand, I set to work, steadily dripping oil along his spine before rubbing it over the muscled expanse of his back. I’m not going to pretend that it was easy to ignore the way his muscles tensed at my touch, because it was all I could do to not flip him over and kiss him senseless.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured as I started working out the knots in his shoulders. “I hate startling you like that, I just want everything to be perfect.”

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re not just talking about massage oil temperature? You’re very good at this, by the way, for someone who never continued the practice after completing the training.”

My hands shook a little as I continued my work on his back, his compliment setting butterflies off in my stomach and a scalding flush rising up my neck and settling on my cheeks. “I guess all the practicing paid off, really… Plus you’re naturally very tense considering what’s going on, it just means that you can feel the effects far more than your average client. I’m sorry this is happening to you, Louis, I really am. Trust me when I say that there is nobody who deserves to live a happy and relaxed life more than you. You’re everything, Lou; the brightness of the sunshine and the familiarity of the rain; the depth of the ocean and the untouchable expanse of the sky… I want the world for you. I want Rowan to get better and your job to get less stressful. I want you to wake up every morning, look out of the window and smile because there is no possible way that your life could ever get any better. I want to share that with you, starting now.”

I’d continued my work as I spoke, and Louis seemed more relaxed than I’d ever seen him, his breathing deep and even and his muscles lax. But then I realised how relaxed he _really_ was… He was _too_ relaxed. And then the cheeky shit let out a little snuffle of a snore.

_Good job moron, you put the man to sleep._

I smiled softly at how relaxed he was, deciding not to wake him when he was clearly so comfortable compared to before. Instead I grabbed a warm, wet cloth and wiped the oil from him glowing skin, carrying him to the bed next to Rowan and tucking him in. He looked so childlike and peaceful, his soft fringe brushing his forehead and all the worry lines smoothed out, a small smile on his face. I just wanted him to stay that happy for the foreseeable future; starting with making him a nice dinner.

_Well that would help if you actually had food in the cupboard, you fucking idiot._

With that thought in mind I scribbled down a note telling Louis where I was and where the spare key was if he needed to answer the door, and ran out of the flat, locking the door behind me with the single aim of buying the nicest ingredients to make the best meal that Louis and Rowan had ever eaten outside of a restaurant. The trip didn’t take very long, but it felt like hours, the stairs up to my flats seemigly infinite.

The same flat where all the beds were empty, the lights were out, and there was a single note on the kitchen table.

 

_I’m sorry, I can’t._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, I am soooooo sorry it took me this long to write my part. In her defence, BabyStylins0n had her part as Louis written ages ago, I just found myself stuck in a place where I couldn't write anything I was happy with, and then work got in the way. Hopefully this makes up with the delay and also:  
> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR OVER 10, 000 READS ON THIS!!!  
> Words cannot describe how happy we are that you are enjoying this as much as we are, thank you again
> 
> All the love x


	16. Chapter 16

**Louis POV**

A firm hand was pressed to my chest as I attempted to storm across the staffroom, all guns a blazing. Mr Heston was looking at me with a dirty smirk as I was escorted out of the room by the head teacher, all eyes on my back. In my defence he was in the lower school staffroom flirting with the pretty blonde year 2 teacher so he had no right to attack me on my own turf. She sighed and ran a hand over her face.

"Louis, take the rest of the day off," She said, cutting me off before I could protest. "You're extremely stressed out and I know you and Richard don't see eye-to-eye... So just go home okay? Julia can cover for you."

I nodded solemnly and after getting all my stuff from my classroom I began to drive home. I'd managed from 8:30 until 13:00, which was a lot more than I thought considered some of the children in my class are demons; screeching manipulative little demons. Today had been pure and utter shit and the fact that I find out what's wrong with Rowan this afternoon is freaking me out. Kids in my class had been pestering me about where I was and the few that knew because of parents gossiping were being overly invasive until I just snapped. I was usually the happy-go-lucky year one teacher but I made children cry. I was _awful_.

I reached into my bag and pulled out my phone as I parked outside the flat and dialled mums number. "Hey Mum, I've been let out early so-"

"Listen boo, I know you want to come and get her but just take some time and relax okay? You're stressed and you just need to breath. Come and get her at 4 like we agreed... I love you so much love but you've got to relax."

"Are-"

"Yes. Now relax. I'll see you later."

With a sigh, I climbed out the car with my bags and went inside, now just desperate to have a nap... Be alone. Be away from stress. But clearly my wishes weren't to be granted when the lift opened and Harry was stood there with his groceries unlocking his flat. Now you may be thinking Harry looked after you and Rowan, what's the problem? The problem? The problem is that was Tuesday. Today is Friday. And my opinion still hadn't changed... He deserved better than me and I wanted him just to move on with his life and date someone else. So after leaving him the note; I'd gone back to tactfully avoiding him - but I guess that isn't an option with him stood in front of me; body covered by a thin white shirt and curls pulled back into a cute bun. He looked gorgeous and it only made me hate myself more.

His gaze lifted and fell into a frown as he saw me walking down the corridor - my face probably looking tired and pissed off - a few hours before I usually do. "You're early."

"You're correct." I replied bluntly, pulling my keys from my pocket and sliding them into the lock.

"I don't get what I've done wrong, Louis. I took care of you and Rowan and I-"

" _Please,_ " I whispered, my voice cracking as I gripped the door handle. "I can't do this right now Harry, I can't."

"Then when? It's been almost a week and a half since our date and you still haven't had the bloody balls to tell me what I did wrong, why you don't want me anymore, why I-"

"Jesus fucking Christ Harry, not everything is about you!" I snapped, turning to face him, my fists clenched at my sides. "I told you it wasn't you so get your head out of your ass and _leave me alone_!"

I slammed the door behind me and dropped my things on the floor, toeing off my shoes. I dragged my body to my bedroom, the weight of the world pressing down on my shoulders, I did really need to relax... Take my mind off everything. My eyes flickered to the wardrobe and I quickly pulled the black box out from inside. I hadn't indulged in many of my kinks since before Rowan was born and my fingers twitched at the thought of once again having soft lace against my skin.

Carefully, I slid the lid off and bit my lip at the item perfectly placed on top; a baby pink sparkly dildo I'd treated myself to on my nineteenth birthday, I wasn't exactly going for realism but it was so long and thick I couldn't help myself. I quickly pulled my clothes off, placing the dildo and some lube on the bed, before pulling out a pair of pastel blue panties and sliding them up my thighs with a quiet moan. I couldn't help but glance at myself in the mirror, smiling at how comfortable I felt and how well the blue complimented my tan.

After climbing onto the bed, I found the nearest porn site and searched up one of my all time favourites. As the video started I slicked up my fingers, the first was a struggle - it'd been a long time since I'd touched myself and it felt like decades since Harry touched me - but before long I found myself pulling three fingers out of my ass so I could slick up the dildo just as the twink slicked up his top's cock.

I pushed it into me just as the small boy sunk down and I began eagerly fucking into myself, soft whines and whimpers filling the air.

" _My good girl, making Daddy feel so good_..." The man groaned, running his large hands all over the twink's body as he bounced eagerly. I couldn't pull my eyes away from the sight as I worked the toy in and out of myself, desperate to find the spot I wanted so badly.

I cried out as I finally hit it, my whole body quaking with pleasure as I began to fuck it into myself brutally - my eyes still trained on the video. Just as I was about to wrap a hand around my cock the bedroom door swung open and a squawk left the intruders lips as I hauled the duvet over me and slammed down the laptop screen.

"H-Harry!" I squeaked.

"D-Did... D-did I-" He panted, clearly flustered. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Clearly, what did you want?" I snapped, my breaths coming out unevenly as his gaze ran over the situation in front of him.

"It's doesn't matter," He smirked. "What you got under there, love?"

"None of your bloody business."

As he reached to pull the covers off, that blasted smirk still on his face, I held it tight in my hands - only realising my error as he grabbed the laptop from the bed and pulled the screen back up. I squealed and pulled the covers over my head so I didn't have to see his face as he read the title - ' _Baby girl rides his Daddy_ ' - because him catching me getting off was embarrassing enough.

"Princess..." He purred. "No need to be embarrassed..."

After my lack of response, it seemed he decided to only push it further. When in reality I only didn't respond because it would've been a moan if I did - the toy wedged between my thighs paired with his deep timbre voice calling me-

"Baby girl..."

A squeak left my lips and I bit my lip to suppress the moan. God, aside from the humiliation I felt fantastic... I'd cheekily started working the toy again as he purred those words to me, his voice coursing through me like a drug. "Lou, please look at me."

I peaked over the top of the duvet to see his face had fallen soft, a gentle smile on his face as he saw me. "Is this what you like? Oh, baby girl, were you getting yourself off?"

"N-No..." I panted, swallowing heavily as he moved a little closer, his eyes darkening ever so slightly as I blatantly lied to his face.

"Tell me the truth, sweetheart." He whispered, his eyes fixed on mine, a twinkle in them - it seemed to me that he was getting off on this as much as, if not more, than I was.

"... Yes Harry." I squeaked, flinching as he knelt on the bed, running his hands up my thighs over the duvet.

"Should you be calling me Harry, baby?" He cooed, before yanking down the covers. I quickly crossed my legs but I knew he could clearly see the panties. His pupils were lust blown as a soft moan left his lips. "Oh you're so fucking pretty."

I refused to make eye contact as his hands came into contact with my knees. His voice remained soft as I remind silent. "Show me what you're playing with, darling."

For some strange reason I let him take my thighs and spread them open - revealing the large pink toy pressed deep into my ass; excess lube dripping down my thighs. He ran his tongue across his lip as he took in the sight before him. And honestly? I felt safe. Felt comfortable. And I know what I said but... I do like Harry, I like Harry a whole lot... He deserves better but right now I need him and I was hoping the hard on straining in his trackies meant he felt the same way.

"Please..." I whispered, finally letting my eyes meet his as his hand brushed across the toy, nudging it gently into my prostate.

A deep moan left his lips and he nodded slowly, his large hand wrapping around the end of the toy; thrusting it in and out with a steady rhythm, hovering over me - pink lips parted. "Such a pretty baby... So pretty for Daddy."

"C-Closer to me... Please" I squeaked. Almost instantly he leaned closer so his forehead was almost pressed against my own, allowing me to tangle my fingers in his now loose curls and tug. He used his other arm to drape one of my legs around his waist and press the toy even deeper. I threw my head back and let out a moan.

"Oh baby girl, you're so precious..."

"Making me feel so good..." I keened, my eyes meeting his, his pupils darkening at the word that soon after followed my lips. "Daddy..."

He pulled my chest flush against his, a deep growl escaping his lips as he greedily fucked me with the toy making me cry out with pleasure. "You like it when Daddy fucks your princess parts with a naughty toy?"

I decided to test this, see if he really did want me. "Would prefer your big cock, Daddy."

If I thought his eyes were dark before then the man looking down at me was almost like a demon, pupils so lust blown. His lips smashed against mine in a bruising kiss, a cruel hand tugging at my hair to force my mouth open. His tongue licked into my mouth eagerly, making my whole body pliant to his touch before he pulled away; leaving me feel like my breath had been stolen straight from me.

"Is that what you want, kitten? Want Daddy to fuck you? Want my cock in that pretty little hole?"

"God, Daddy, please."

He grabbed the lube from next to me and slicked up his cock... His beautiful wonderful cock. My heart almost doubled in size as he didn't even glance at the condoms placed on my bedside table; I reached up and cupped his face in one hand, brushing my thumb over his bottom lip - a smile curving onto his face. I couldn't believe he trusted me. God, how could I hurt him like this? He was gorgeous. Sweet. Kind.

"You ready princess?" He whispered, taking the toy out, pulling a moan from my body.

"Always for you..." I replied, my voice soft, our noses bumping together, a giggle leaving my lips as he smiled like an idiot.

He pressed into me with a deep moan, our eyes locked like in that moment there was no one else in the universe but us. His hand wound into his dog tags that still hung around my neck and pressed our lips together in a desperate kiss - every single emotion rushing through us as we made love under the dim light of my bedroom lamps. I wound my hands into his curls and tugged as he fucked into me hard and deep, a large hand wound around my cock.

"You're so perfect, Princess..." He whispered, our lips brushing against each other.

"D-Daddy, y-you..." I cried, my back arching off the bed as he hit my prostate dead on - my edge approaching quicker than I wanted because I was already mid-getting off when he showed up.

"You make everyone else look and feel shit... So pretty... So perfect." He whined. "Want you and only you, Lou."

I moaned loudly into his mouth as his pace was brutal - I threw my head back and cried out his name as I came between our stomachs, my body shaking with the force of the orgasm. A low growl left his lips as he came, the word mine slipping from his mouth and onto my skin as he bit down on my neck. "I... I meant everything I said..."

"I know, I-I..."

"... Is now a good time to talk?" He asked softly, pulling out and grabbing wet wipes to clean up my stomach, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. "What happened that night, Louis?"

As he settled next to me, both of us lying on our sides, I decided now was as good as time as any to just tell him. My eyes met his and I sighed softly. "I... I don't want your first relationship after Ethan to be with someone like me."

"What do you-"

"You need so much more than a self-centred, manipulative slut who doesn't give two shits about anyone but himself and his daughter. Y-You need someone like _Erin_..." I mumbled, not letting my gaze meet his.

A finger curved under my chin and pulled my face up so my eyes met his once again; a soft smile laid against his skin and he pressed a soft kiss to my lips, his large hand cupping my cheek. "You're not any of those things, love. You're so amazing... I don't want anyone else. Louis, you've ruined me for anyone else..."

"R-Ruined you?"

"No one else would ever be good enough. You're everything I never knew I wanted. You and Ro are like... You guys mean so much to me and I... I want to take you out on more dates and treat you right and hopefully eventually be your boyfriend" He explained, his voice slow and soft, his gaze never breaking as he looked deep into my eyes, causing my cheeks to flush a dark pink.

"I'm not that-"

"Shh, you're not going to change my opinion... Now cuddle me for a bit before you go get Rowan." He hummed, pulling me into his firm chest. "Love cuddles..."

"... Can I ask why you came bursting into my bedroom?" I piped up, trying to stay relaxed and not think about the doctor's appointment.

"Honestly? I heard you moaning and thought you were hooking up with someone, so I came over to confront you..." He blushed. "Like I thought the reason you were ignoring me was cause you'd found someone else."

"I don't think I want anyone else..." I breathed, running a hand up his chest. "I just... I want the best for you and I'm not sure I'm that."

He hummed and ran a hand through my hair. "You're more than that, Lou. You're too good for me, I don't deserve you."

But before I could protest my phone went off, signalling it was time to go pick Rowan up for her appointment. I swallowed heavily and slid off the bed, rubbing at my eyes as I tried to stay calm - the large hands squeezing my shoulders aiding quite a lot. "Tell me how it goes, okay? I'm sure it'll all be fine."

I nodded and got dressed, pressing a firm kiss to his lips. "I'll see you later, shut the door hard when you leave so the lock catches... Stay as long as you want."

"I might just stay forever then," He chuckled, kissing me again. "See you soon."

I walked from the bedroom and slid my shoes back on my feet, making sure to grab my keys from the bowl before heading down to the car. Panic had begun to set in but I knew I had to keep on a brave face for Rowan besides... She'll be okay. There's no way she can't be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look another chapter! I kind of wrote this before she'd finished so this is why it's being uploaded so quick. Hope you enjoyed!  
> -Babystylins0n


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where the co-author grovels profusely at the end

**Chapter 17**

**Louis POV**

As I walked Rowan into the doctor’s office, her little hand gripping mine tightly as she looked around nervously, I felt myself struggling to breath. She had no idea what was going on and I wasn't sure how to explain without making her panic, so instead I allowed her to remain confused, unlike me. I was petrified. I'd made the mistake of reading some of the leaflets as we'd been sat in the waiting room and now feared the worst. The waiting room was heaving with people coming and going, many wore apathetic faces but there were parents like myself dotted around, clutching their small child for dear life and just hoping whoever was behind their door would tell them that their baby was okay. 

Aside from the few toys and magazines dotted around, the clinical nature of the waiting room was definitely not helping my nerves, but thankfully I didn't have to stick around for too long because the nurse came and took us to our Doctor. He seemed friendly enough as we walked in, shaking my hand and giving Rowan a kind smile.

"Hi Mr Tomlinson, I'm Rowan's GP Dr Martin and I'll be doing her check-up... I've got the list of symptoms you gave me over the phone but could you repeat them and tell me any new ones she may have developed?" He smiled, barely even giving me time to sit down before I was given instruction.

"Fever, fatigue and weakness, she's losing weight despite eating perfectly fine, she bruises like crazy, nosebleeds, she sweats a lot more and she complains that she's achy a lot of the time," I rambled - not helping my own nerves by saying allowed everything wrong with my baby - as I combed my fingers through her pony tail. "And she's getting little red spots like  _in_ her skin now too."  

The smile fell from his face the more and more symptoms - the fear of what I didn't want to hear him say only becoming more likely. After thoroughly checking what seemed like every inch of my daughter - his exterior only seemed to slump more and the sparkle in his eyes was completely gone when our gazes met again. "Can you follow me? We need to do some tests... How is she with local anaesthetic?" 

"W-why do you need to use that?" I squeaked, holding her to my chest as we walked into one of the small surgery rooms our doctors had. Her tiny hands fisted in my shirt as she shrank down, looking around the room with fear written all over her face. 

"Need to test her bone marrow which we usually take from the back of the pelvic bone," He explained. "Just to be sure..." 

She whimpered and I held her for a little bit as he prepared everything, a few nurses coming in as well. Her confusion had finally turned into fear as people bustled around the small room, clanking pieces of metal together. I held back the tears as she shook in my arms. " _Scared..._ " 

"It's gonna be okay, Daddy's not gonna leave you," I whispered back, pressing my lips to her forehead before sliding her clothes off, putting her in a gown and lying her down on the table on her side so she couldn't see him stood behind her with huge needles on the plate. "Just look at Daddy, don't look at Dr Martin, look at Daddy."

I smiled and cooed at her as he put the numbing cream on her skin and picked up the first needle. He did the anaesthetic shot and let it sink in until she said she couldn't feel him poking at her hip.

I let her take my hands in hers and squeeze them as he pressed the first needle into her bone - knowing it would still feel weird despite the numbing cream. Her bottom lip quivered a little so I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her nose. "You're such a good girl aren't you? So strong..." 

She forced a smile and winced as he took the sample. "All done?"

"Not yet, one more..." Dr Martin replied. "You're being so brave; you want a lollipop after?"

"Lolly!" She giggled. "I be good, Doc!" 

I took her hands back into mine and kissed softly across her knuckles as he pressed the third needle into her tiny body. I cooed and babbled at her as he removed bone marrow; she squished my cheeks between her tiny hands and giggled at me. "My strong baby."

He pulled the needle out and set it on the tray with the other, before cleaning her up. He placed pink dinosaur stickers on each of the punctures and sat her up on the table, placing a lollipop in her small fist - her eyes lighting up. 

"You'll have the results in two to three working days..." He said, passing me her clothes. 

As we left the surgery, I contemplated things I could do as the three days passed to distract us both but I knew as soon as I walked through the front door that they wouldn't be easy. 

Scratch 'not easy', they were  _torture_. The next three days were torture. Sitting. Waiting. It was far from nice finding out whether or not your daughter was about to die. I'd officially gone crazy. She wasn't going to  _die_. Or was she? I felt  _awful._ All I wanted was to know whether or not she was going to live. My heart ached. My phone stayed on silent, any phone calls or texts not from the doctors being ignored completely - I was desperate to be alone with her for as long as I could before the results came through the door. I know it was selfish cutting everyone off but if my suspicions were true then I wanted to have time with her without the stigma of an illness attached to her and everyone fussing over her.

When I played with her, when I tucked her into bed... I couldn't help but feel like she was going to break beneath my fingers. She could tell as well, pouting when I wouldn't hold her like always. I couldn't even begin to imagine what  _she_ was thinking; she barely understood she was ill let alone what that illness could mean. 

 

But then there it was, the post. Three days later. A single white letter falling to the floor. 

 

"... Is that it, Daddy?" She whispered as we sat on the sofa early that morning, munching away at cereal.

I climbed off the sofa and walked over, taking all the time in the world to open it and scan each gruelling letter. She frowned and squeaked, as I fell to my knees. "Daddy?" 

She toddled over to me and hugged me tight, her nose nudging into the skin of my cheek. I held her tight in my arms; holding her against my chest as I felt like everything crashed around me. I couldn't believe the words I'd read... They couldn't be true. I'd sworn to protect her from everything bad in the world... Take care of her with every single ounce of my body... Make sure she was always okay. But I'd  _failed_. Even though I'd read all those leaflets I still never realised that it could happen to her. 

Acute lymphocytic leukaemia.

 

She had cancer. 

 

*******

**Harry’s POV**  
  
It seemed like whenever something was going right for me, fate found a way to make me feel like utter rubbish. It was almost like there was someone up there who _really_ didn’t like me, and wanted my life to be miserable… Not that I blamed them, I never really made an effort to be a good person, did I? This time, it was – of course – related to Louis. I thought that after our second time sleeping together, we would be far closer to actually admitting all our feelings to each other, especially seeing as we had been noticeably more affectionate towards each other compared to the first time we were intimate. But clearly I thought wrong.

_Of course you thought wrong, idiot. He wanted nothing more than sex from you, it was just a drawback when you found out about Rowan. He knows you’re nothing but a let-down. Why would he want you around him, let alone his child?_

So we were back at square one again; me pining over a man who was far too good for me, and him ignoring me like I was a leper. Every so often I could hear the painfully cheerful music from Rowan’s cartoons filtering through my door, letting me know that he hadn’t gone away for a few days – and while I was glad to know that he was, y’know, _alive_ , it only made my heart sting a little more to know that he was actively ignoring and avoiding me. It wasn’t easy for me to put myself in his shoes without context, without knowing just what it was that was bothering him to the point where he felt the need to hide away from me, and it was that fact that made me really struggle with trying to cope without him.

_Bet he isn’t struggling to cope without you. What was it he said? He only wanted you? Pretty sure that was his cock talking, Harry, not his brain, because if his actions are anything to go by, he doesn’t want anything to do with you… He also doesn’t want his hoodie back because it’s still on your sofa after you stole it the other day._

I eyed up the material that I’d thrown across the room in anger, rising from my seat on shaky legs and balling it up in my fists, bringing it to my nose and inhaling the scent that was so undeniably _Louis_ : it was musky and manly, but airy and floral at the same time – a smell that would usually be nasty and cloying, but somehow just embodied him, and summed him up perfectly. It was a smell that made my heart flutter, and as the first wave of sadness hit me, I found myself marching out of my flat and to his front door. I couldn’t keep that hoodie, no matter how much the pining, moping man inside me thought that it would be a good idea to wear it until it didn’t smell of Louis anymore: if he was happy to move on and forget about everything that we’d shared, everything that we’d worked on together… Then fuck him, I didn’t need him anyway.

 _Liar_.

But before I could chastise myself for being deluded when it came to my feelings for him, I had already knocked on the door – a firm three knocks rather than tapping out a little rhythm like I usually would. There was a small scuffle and a definite grumble that I could hear even through the wood – nice to see that his attitude to uninvited visitors hadn’t changed – before the door swung open, and I swear in that moment, my heart fucking stopped. There was Louis; eyes puffy and hair ruffled with sleep, too-large trackies pooling at his feet and his dainty fingers hidden by sweater paws, the sleeves of his striped jumper far too long. He was _gorgeous_.

“What are you doing here, Harry?” _Well, on the outside, at least. Miserable bastard._

_Right Harry, now’s your chance to show him that he isn’t getting to you. Show him how strong you are, show him how you don’t need him to validate you._

“I… I err… Hoodie?”

 _How fucking eloquent_. **  
**  
“Yeah, my hoodie, thanks… Did you err, need anything else?” _Dignity? Self-respect? Sanity? **You?**_

“I just… Can I come in please?”

The sigh that left his lips lingered in the air long after he’d moved aside to let me in, and I pretended to ignore the shudder that visibly travelled down his spine as my arm brushed against his. It was nothing, and could wait… I needed answers.

“What did you want, H?” I only realised then how truly _tired_ he looked, his eyes not puffy with sleep, but puffy with a lack of it, his skin pale and lifeless, “I’m kinda busy.”

I laid the hoodie over the back of the sofa – oh the memories – and turned to look at the man who constantly captured all of my attention. “I need to know why you’re avoiding me, Lou,” he opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off, “I just can’t keep playing this back and forth _game_ that you keep insisting on playing! It _hurts_ , Lou! You say you want me, then you vanish, then you come back grovelling and then you vanish again! I’m getting fucking whiplash Lou!”

“You think _you’re_ the only one hurting, Harry?” Louis scoffed, an ugly noise coming from such pretty lips, “Well you’re not, okay? I’m fucking dealing with my own shit and I don’t need you breathing down my neck all the damn time about _feelings_ , because how you feel isn’t my top priority now, okay?!”

His breathing was ragged. Something wasn’t right.

“Lou, are you okay?”

“No I’m not fucking _okay_ , Harold! If you took your head out of your goddamn ass for five minutes and actually asked me what’s going on, you’d fucking know that!” He thrust a tatty letter into my chest with a dry sob, he’d clearly been reading and rereading the words over and over again. “Fucking _read_ it!”

I scanned the words, but the only three that stood out to me were _acute lymphocytic leukaemia_. My heart stopped. I knew those words. I may not have been a doctor but I knew enough to know exactly why Louis was so heartbroken, why he was lashing out about me asking trivial questions.

 

His little flower was sick.

 

The sobs that left my chest lasted for hours as Louis and I clung on to each other in his hallway as if we’d float away if we let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am literally the worst.  
> Holy crap I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SORRY!!!!  
> Uni has been really kicking my ass on assignments because they shifted my deadlines for my three 2500 essays and I'm reading so much scholarly material that I think my brain's going to melt and I'm genuinely surviving on chocolate wheetos and coffee and I haven't slept in over 48 hours. I might implode.  
> Anywho, I'm so so so sorry I took so long, it WILL NEVER happen again, I promise
> 
> All the love x


	18. NOT A CHAPTER

Due to the recent news and the current theme of this fic we're putting it on hiatus because we don't feel it's appropriate to write nor do we feel comfortable or happy enough to write about leukaemia at this time. We know a lot of you were enjoying it but we feel like taking a break is the right thing to do out of respect. Our hearts go out to the Tomlinson-Deakin family 

Thank you  
\- Babystylins0n & LittleMissAshIrwin


	19. Chapter 18

Louis’ P.O.V

I took a deep breath as I ran my fingers across Rowan’s pale skin as she laid in bed - finally home again where she belonged. The first part of her treatment had gone extremely well; our doctor had immediately suggested a small bone marrow transplant to encourage healing and aid her chemo in being successful. She’d have another one after her treatment was over. It had taken forever to find a marrow donor - we’d even gone to the extent of contacting Georgia. Although she wasn’t a match, I’d found out she’d been doing really well for herself. She was doing her masters degree in mathematical and theoretical physics which I knew was something she’d always wanted to do. She still wasn’t interested in being part of Rowan’s life but she’d wished her the fasted recovery.

It seemed like we were never going to find a donor but by the work of some miracle, none other than Zayn had come over and told me that he was a match. A tiny fond smile graced my lips as I remembered what he thought he was risking to save my baby girl’s life.

_“...I’m gonna miss you, Lou.” He mumbled, as we sat at the doctor’s office -waiting for the doctor to come take his marrow._

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“Well, I’m not gonna make it but it’s so worth it to make your baby girl healthy ag-”_

_“Zayn!” I laughed softly, pulling him into a hug, “This isn’t going to kill you, idiot. I’d never ask that of you!”_

_“But I thought-”_

_“I can’t believe you were willing to die for her.”_

I shook my head and pressed a soft kiss to Rowan’s forehead; they’d given her her first session of chemo when we were there and she’s been so tired. She wasn’t my bouncy baby girl anymore; she was a tiny little china doll and I was terrified. A common cold could kill her. That was the scariest part - I knew our doctor was capable and that the treatment could work but she was so delicate that anything could take her from me. I couldn’t even run my fingers through her hair like I always did, I knew it’d start falling out soon and I was scared to even pull out a little bit. The doctor had recommended shaving it as soon as it started to fall out but even that freaked me out.

Slowly, I moved away from the bed to make her dinner; even though she was poorly I was still determined to make sure she ate well even if I didn’t. As I started making her soup from scratch, I crunched away on a stick of celery just to stop my stomach grumbling. I knew that I wasn’t the best chef but I knew how to pack plenty of veg into one soup. Whilst I left the veg to boil and soften, I decided to step out onto the balcony and have a cigarette to calm myself.

There was a cold wind as I left the comfort of my flat. I lit the smoke and inhaled deeply; letting my eyes close and my body sink into it. Everyone in the city around me seemed to be out tonight - stumbling drunk through the streets and laughing before the night had barely even fallen. How could they party away like that when my little girl was sick? How could they be so selfish to have fun when there are children suffering?

The only quiet seemed to be coming from none other than next door - a soft light coming out of Harry’s flat but no noise, like he was the only person alive who was being respectful of the fact a child was sick. He’d been really good since we got Rowan’s diagnosis, he’d been keeping his distance when I needed space. I did miss him, but the selfish part of me didn’t want to share Rowan with anyone when my time with her could be her last moments.

I grabbed a pen and paper and sat down on my couch; leaning over the coffee table. I wanted to thank Harry for everything he’s done but I wasn’t very good at not vocalising it.

 _Hey H._  
_Words can’t even begin to describe how_ _grateful I am for how good you’ve been_ _to me and Rowan. I know that keeping_ _distance is hard for you, it’s hard for me_ _too but I’m too selfish to share her right now. Her surgery went really well and_ _the first session of chemo is working its_ _magic._  
_I’m not avoiding you because you did_ _anything wrong, Harry. Far from it. You’re_ _fantastic. Once this mess is all over I can’t wait to spend more time with_ _you but for now, I need time alone with_ _my flower. If things get worse, and touch_ _wood they won’t, then you’ll be the first_ _to know._  
_All the love,_  
_Louis x_

I folded up the piece of paper and tucked it inside a baby pink envelope - being sure to spritz it lightly with a little of my aftershave because I knew how much he liked it - before sealing it and stepping out into the hall. I pressed a soft kiss to the paper and slid it through the letterbox before running back into my apartment and shutting the door. I was determined that this time Harry wouldn’t end up blaming himself for the time we were spending apart. I honestly couldn’t wait to end up back in his arms but for now…

Climbing into Rowan’s bed was a bit of a struggle but I just wanted to hold her as she slept. I wrapped my arms around her and out of instinct her little body wriggled into the heat of my chest and let out a sleepy grumble.

Just please be okay, baby… _please_.

 

Harry’s POV  
  
As soon as that note came through the door, I could tell that I was going to be disappointed. I mean, I say disappointed, but all things considered, my life was going pretty well compared to my _extremely_ attractive neighbour’s, what with his constant tiredness due to caring for his daughter who was suffering from cancer and all. Was it bad that I could tell that he’d spritzed his aftershave on the note just because I was so familiar with his smell?

Probably.

I hated the feeling of not being able to do anything for that beautiful family. God knows I understood why Louis wanted to hide himself away with Rowan until things changed; I would do the same, if I had a sick child, but I just… I _needed_ to do something, anything to make their lives a little bit brighter. I wanted to go over there, let myself into their flat and just hold them both in my arms until they fell asleep, tuck Rowan into bed and sing to her before going back for Louis and tucking him in too. I wanted to smother him in soft, oversized jumpers and hold him until all his stress melted away. But that’s not what he wanted. I wasn’t used to feeling so useless; like there was nothing I could do other than watch them and wait for things to change.

As a kid, I was outgoing, bubbly and boisterous. Before Ethan ruined me for anyone else, there was nothing I loved more than going out of my way to do little things that brought smiles to people’s faces. I’d buy flowers because my Gran had been a little under the weather, done all the washing up so Mum wouldn’t have to do it at the end of a long day, even bought a pack of marshmallows and some ice cream with my bakery money when I heard Gemma crying over a stupid boy. Ethan had crushed that, made me believe that nobody would love me enough to give a shit about the little gestures I would make. What was the point in doing something nice for someone if they would only want me for my cock? Looking back on it, it was ridiculous for me to even consider believing that nobody would appreciate the things I did, but hindsight was a wonderful thing. That was then, this was now, and now I needed to show Louis how much I cared, how much I wanted to help.

Going to his was out of the question: sure, he’d let me in, let me see Rowan, but he’d be tired and crabby, and I didn’t want to make him any more upset than he already was. I could have called him, but the principle was pretty much the same: any time he spent talking to me face-to-face or voice-to-voice was taking away precious minutes with his little girl. Snapchat? That could work. A picture that let him know I was thinking of him, but only took a few moments out of his day to read and reply to? But somehow, it seemed a little impersonal. The whole world and his wife were sending Snapchats to one another at this point, so what would make mine special? No. I needed something else, something more _heartfelt_ and _personal_. Something that would make Lou smile as he looked at it, something permanent that he could keep as a little momento, like his note to me that I’d stuck on my fridge as a little reminder that he cared. A smile spread across my face, probably creepy now that I’m looking back on it, but seeing as I’d just realised that little notes were the best way to let Louis know that I was there for both him and Rowan, I’ll let it slide for now.

Notes were perfect. If Louis was anything like me, then he’d keep them in a little box, or on the fridge. I grabbed a pen and paper and sat at my desk, chewing on the lid like a kid in secondary school before writing a note to slip under Louis’ door.

 _Lou,_  
_I miss you so much, but I get it, I really_ _do. Right now I’m kind of just walking round my flat like an idiot because all I want to do is barge into your flat and_ _hold you both. I miss you… Did I mention_ _that?_  
_I know you want this time for yourselves,_ _but I’m going to look up ways to cheer_ _up young cancer sufferers. I want to help_ _as much as I can._  
_I hope you don’t mind if I keep sending you little notes and messages, I think it’s_ _the best way for me to cheer **you** up as_ _well._  
_Forever yours,_  
_H x_

Kissing the paper and slipping it into a tiny blue envelope, I decided to do as Louis did and spritzed it with my aftershave before tiptoeing out of my flat and slipping it under his door. This was nothing; this note was insignificant compared to everything I planned on doing for the gorgeous family across the hallway. But hopefully the notes were just the start of something much bigger.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! We’re back! Hopefully for good. Really hope you enjoy what we’ve written, see you again soon x  
> -BabyStylins0n


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